Crossroad hearts: Chapter 7/8
Crossroad hearts: Chapter 7/8
Fujigaya/Senga, Senga/Nikaido (Kis-My-Ft2)
When he wakes up in the morning, Nikaido is on his back, eyes closed, but as soon as Kento moves, they open. But he doesn't turn his head, doesn't respond when Kento mumbles a sleepy "good morning", and on top of that, he looks incredibly tense.
"Nika, what's up? Nightmares again?"
"I wish." That's all he says, and Kento turns onto his stomach, pushes himself up on his elbows.
"What is it, then?"
Nikaido still doesn't look at him, only reaches for one of the smartphones on his bedside table; Kento's phone.
"I was going to check the time when I woke up. An hour ago. And your phone happened to be the closest one I guess." He sits up in the bed, hands Kento the phone, and reaches for the tank top he had carelessly dropped on the floor next to the bed the previous night. "Can you explain this?" He pulls the top on, and watches as Kento takes the device in his own hand. It lights up at the press of the home button, and he feels like a heavy stone drops inside his body when he sees what is making Nikaido act the way he does.
"Kento, I want you in my bed tonight~"
It's just one text message, one sentence, but it's so, so wrong, because the sender reads Taisuke and fuck, it's probably all ruined now. He knows the latest design project went on the runway yesterday night, that there must have been a party and Taisuke must have been drunk off his ass to send him a message like that, especially after not being with him for a while. Stupid, stupid Taisuke.
"Can you, Kenpi?"
Kento sits up, stays silent for a good minute before he tries to speak. "Nika... It's probably just a joke..."
"Yeah, I've been trying to tell myself that. But you know what, the more I think, the harder it is to believe."
"He must have been drinking last night..." he tries again, but he can see in Nikaido's eyes that it's not a valid explanation.
"I'm sorry, Kenpi, that doesn't make it any better. Do you know anyone who would have sent something like that to their sibling, drunk or not? Do you think I would send my sister a message like that?"
"... No." Tears burn behind his eyelids.
"So tell me the truth, so I can believe it." He sounds so stern, so indifferent, like he can't even bother to be emotional anymore. "You know, I wouldn't be surprised? That you had hickeys and wasn't a virgin was never weird, except I never saw anyone you were close enough to to sleep with, but then again I don't know all your friends." He pauses, and Kento says nothing. "But you said it was "kind of" a fuck buddy thing. Which didn't sound weird at all, until you clearly stayed home the entire evening, texting pretty much all the time, but came to school with new hickeys anyway. That's when it started to get weird, you know?"
He knows that Nikaido is making pauses so that Kento can tell him he's wrong without interrupting him as he speaks. Only he can't bring himself to, because it sounds like Nikaido has caught every single detail.
"And then I saw you with him, when he came to pick you up for ice-cream or whatever. Is it like they say, did he take you somewhere else, did he fuck you that afternoon? Because honestly, you two looked more like a couple than we've ever done, and it was tough to watch."
"No, he didn-" he starts, finally gets words out, but Nikaido cuts him off.
"He didn't?" He winces at Nikaido's tone; he's upset, and finally letting it show, after weeks of holding it in along with his suspicion. "But he has before? He has, right?" Silence, again. "When you told me that it was okay if I made the hickeys visible, that's when I started suspecting it for real. Not at the time, but afterwards, when the rumors spread. Because why hadn't it been okay before?"
He's tongue tied, mute, has no idea what to even say. Nikaido just laid out all of his thoughts in front of him, and he can't deny a single one of them. Half of him wants to punch Taisuke in the face; the other half just want to curl into a ball and cry while begging for forgiveness.
"Nika..." he starts, finally, tries to place a hand on Nikaido's knee, but it's shoved away. "I'm sorry." Tears run down his cheeks before he even notices, and when he meets Nikaido's glances he finds that he's not far from crying, either. "The rumors... They aren't wrong. Not completely." He takes a deep breath, because he has never told anyone this before - didn't think there would ever be a situation where he would have to. "I have slept with Taisuke."
"... You..." is all he gets back, and it almost sounds angry.
"I have slept with him. But I don't now. Not since we started dating."
"You think that matters?" he snaps. "That's fucking disgusting."
It is, he supposes. To anyone that isn't him or Taisuke. But he doesn't anymore, and he wants that to be the focus.
"Yeah, I guess I am disgusting," he snaps back, voice a bit loud, breaking a little as he cries. "But I haven't been unfaithful to you."
"Kenpi really?" Nikaido gets off the bed, stands up, pulls a pair of sweats on in one swift, angry movement. "How would you feel if you learned that your boyfriend has been fucking his own damn brother?! Would you be happy that he didn't do so while you were a couple, or would you find it gross anyway?!"
There's nothing for him to say, because while he has known that it is wrong, it has never felt disgusting. Which he can't try to explain anyway, because it wouldn't make anything better, so he just sits there under Nikaido's staring with tears running down his cheeks.
"You know, ever since I started suspecting it for real, it's been really hard on me? You say that you like me, that you want me to be yours, but how can I be sure that you don't do your fucking brother? You live in the same house and spend the time I'm not there together, and you're all cuddly even in public, wouldn't surprise me if you'd let him fuck you when he wants to." He's so clearly upset, even though he's only raising his voice, a cold and put-off tone in it.
"Nika, please," he sobs, "I would never. I want to be with you, okay?"
"Yeah, and you know what sucks? I really want to be with you too, because I've never felt like this and I can't believe you might feel the same for me, but it's really tough?" His voice cracks at the last words. "I feel like I can't trust you. How can I know you don't sleep with him?"
"I don't," he keeps trying.
"Kenpi," and now Nikaido is crying too. "I can't take it. I feel anxious all the time and I need to concentrate on school, or at least on the good feelings I have for you, but I keep worrying and I don't want to cry myself to sleep another night." He sits down on the edge of the bed, back towards Kento, and covers his face with his hands, sobbing quietly against them, and when Kento tries to put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, he shrugs it off and leans away. "You should probably leave now."
-
Kento makes it all the way home but barely inside before he bursts out crying again, back against the door as he shakes with sobs.
"Kento?" he hears his mom ask as she approaches. He's home way too early. "Kento, did something happen?" He looks up and her face is kind of blurry until he blinks the tears out of his eyes, and she pulls him into a gentle hug. "Did you fight?"
There's no need for her to say his name; they both know who she's talking about, and that alone makes him cry harder.
"Yes," he manages, and when she lets go and pulls away, she strokes his cheek with a concerned look on her face.
"Go rest," she suggests, assuming he wants to be alone, and he nods, even though it's not even half past nine in the morning and he shouldn't need to rest at all. "Taisuke is asleep. He got back late after a party or something. But I'm sure he'll listen if you want to talk to him about it when he wakes up."
He winces at the mention of his brother, but just a little, not enough that his mother reacts. "Yeah."
But he doesn't talk to Taisuke about it, not until he's gets asked. And it takes a week before that happens. A week where he feels bad for Nikaido, has a constant worry in his chest, can't sleep properly, and it feels like it will never end, either. Nikaido doesn't send him a single text message, they don't see each other in school, except the one time they pass by in the corridor, and their eyes don't even meet. Yet even though he knows Nikaido is upset, doesn't want him near, there's a part of Kento that just wants to stop him, pull him into his arms and kiss him, say sorry a hundred times and then some, kiss him again, and be happy. But he knows it's not that easy, and that he will have to wait for Nikaido to come to him. If he ever does.
Because he doesn't know what they are anymore. If they are still a couple, or if Nikaido asking him to leave meant that they can't be together ever again. He doesn't know if Nikaido will ever trust him again, and his heart has never felt as broken as it does the entire week he doesn't tell anyone at all.
He survives the week in school, friends still on his side, but he feels so much more lonely when he hears people whispering about it him, now that he doesn't have Nikaido on his side. Then he remembers that Nikaido might even be having it worse, and that just makes him feel horrible. At least he has himself to blame; the only thing Nikaido did wrong was fall in love.
When Taisuke knocks on his door, then enters without waiting for an answer, Kento has just gotten into bed. He turns to see his brother's silhouette in the light that comes with opening the door, and he doesn't try to make him leave, has no energy to. The light disappears when the door closes again, but his eyes are used to the dark already, and he can see Taisuke approaching.
“Kento?” His voice is so soft, like he's taking great care in choosing the tone to speak in, and it's so comforting to hear.
“Yeah?” he replies, even though he knows why Taisuke is there.
He sits down on the bed, turned partly towards Kento, bites his lip before he speaks again. “Something happened with Nika, right?” Of course he knows already.
“... Did mom tell you?”
“No. Just guessing. You're not happy, and you're happy when you're with him. Plus your eyes aren't glued to your phone lately.”
It warms his heart a little, to hear that Taisuke watches him so closely. That even though everything feels hopeless, at least someone cares enough to be worried about him.
“Yes, something happened.” He sits up, and can't keep the bitter tone out of his words at the memory of what caused Nikaido to ask in the first place. “You sent me that text message.”
“I'm sorry,” and it really sounds like he is. “I was drunk, and...”
“I don't want to say that it's okay, because it's not, and it might have ruined everything, but... I know you didn't mean to.” He means to speak calmly, but he can already feel his voice shaking. Taisuke can see it too, scoots a little closer, then reaches out in an attempt to hug him, but Kento leans away from him and he only ends up holding his forearms in a soft grip.
“So... he knows?”
A single tears runs down his cheek before Kento even notices; it drops down and hits the blanket that still covers his legs with a sound that is only heard because of the tense silence between them.
“I told him the truth. About us.” Another tear forms and falls, then another one, and soon he's sobbing quietly, waiting for Taisuke to say something. Just something.
“And?” he just asks, tries to pull Kento into an embrace again, puts a little more force into his efforts this time.
“He said I was disgusting, then told me to leave,” he weeps as he struggles a little against Taisuke, “and I haven't heard from him since. He doesn't even look at me in school.” Taisuke fully gets his arms around him, holds him against his own body, and Kento finally stops struggling. His arms come up, wrap around Taisuke's shoulders and he sobs against the side of his neck.
“Shh.” There's a couple of soft lips against the side of his head, and the warmth, the hushing, the familiar smell, is all so calming that Kento only starts crying harder.
“Taisuke, I don't wanna do anything anymore. I just want to be with him and be happy,” he cries, and the arms around him tighten. “But he doesn't want me anymore, and I don't want to be alone.”
At that, Taisuke pulls back a little, cups Kento's face in his hands and looks him straight in the eyes. For a moment he looks like he's about to kiss him, and Kento nearly wants him to, if only for some kind of proof that at least someone still loves him. But he doesn't, and in the dark it's impossible to guess what he's thinking by looking at his face.
“If there's someone that you want to be with, that doesn't want you,” he finally says after what feels like a couple of minutes but can't have been more than a half, “they're really, really stupid.”
“He is kind of stupid,” he cries, but with a pained smile this time, and Taisuke hugs him tight again.
“We should sleep.”
And they do, Taisuke kicks off his sweatpants and gets into the bed next to him, lets Kento cuddle up against his t-shirt clad chest, waits until his quiet sobs stop and kisses him on the forehead before he says goodnight. The familiarity makes it so comfortable, so easy to just go with, and when he falls asleep, that night is the first in many that Kento sleeps all the way until morning.
Next chapter
Fujigaya/Senga, Senga/Nikaido (Kis-My-Ft2)
When he wakes up in the morning, Nikaido is on his back, eyes closed, but as soon as Kento moves, they open. But he doesn't turn his head, doesn't respond when Kento mumbles a sleepy "good morning", and on top of that, he looks incredibly tense.
"Nika, what's up? Nightmares again?"
"I wish." That's all he says, and Kento turns onto his stomach, pushes himself up on his elbows.
"What is it, then?"
Nikaido still doesn't look at him, only reaches for one of the smartphones on his bedside table; Kento's phone.
"I was going to check the time when I woke up. An hour ago. And your phone happened to be the closest one I guess." He sits up in the bed, hands Kento the phone, and reaches for the tank top he had carelessly dropped on the floor next to the bed the previous night. "Can you explain this?" He pulls the top on, and watches as Kento takes the device in his own hand. It lights up at the press of the home button, and he feels like a heavy stone drops inside his body when he sees what is making Nikaido act the way he does.
"Kento, I want you in my bed tonight~"
It's just one text message, one sentence, but it's so, so wrong, because the sender reads Taisuke and fuck, it's probably all ruined now. He knows the latest design project went on the runway yesterday night, that there must have been a party and Taisuke must have been drunk off his ass to send him a message like that, especially after not being with him for a while. Stupid, stupid Taisuke.
"Can you, Kenpi?"
Kento sits up, stays silent for a good minute before he tries to speak. "Nika... It's probably just a joke..."
"Yeah, I've been trying to tell myself that. But you know what, the more I think, the harder it is to believe."
"He must have been drinking last night..." he tries again, but he can see in Nikaido's eyes that it's not a valid explanation.
"I'm sorry, Kenpi, that doesn't make it any better. Do you know anyone who would have sent something like that to their sibling, drunk or not? Do you think I would send my sister a message like that?"
"... No." Tears burn behind his eyelids.
"So tell me the truth, so I can believe it." He sounds so stern, so indifferent, like he can't even bother to be emotional anymore. "You know, I wouldn't be surprised? That you had hickeys and wasn't a virgin was never weird, except I never saw anyone you were close enough to to sleep with, but then again I don't know all your friends." He pauses, and Kento says nothing. "But you said it was "kind of" a fuck buddy thing. Which didn't sound weird at all, until you clearly stayed home the entire evening, texting pretty much all the time, but came to school with new hickeys anyway. That's when it started to get weird, you know?"
He knows that Nikaido is making pauses so that Kento can tell him he's wrong without interrupting him as he speaks. Only he can't bring himself to, because it sounds like Nikaido has caught every single detail.
"And then I saw you with him, when he came to pick you up for ice-cream or whatever. Is it like they say, did he take you somewhere else, did he fuck you that afternoon? Because honestly, you two looked more like a couple than we've ever done, and it was tough to watch."
"No, he didn-" he starts, finally gets words out, but Nikaido cuts him off.
"He didn't?" He winces at Nikaido's tone; he's upset, and finally letting it show, after weeks of holding it in along with his suspicion. "But he has before? He has, right?" Silence, again. "When you told me that it was okay if I made the hickeys visible, that's when I started suspecting it for real. Not at the time, but afterwards, when the rumors spread. Because why hadn't it been okay before?"
He's tongue tied, mute, has no idea what to even say. Nikaido just laid out all of his thoughts in front of him, and he can't deny a single one of them. Half of him wants to punch Taisuke in the face; the other half just want to curl into a ball and cry while begging for forgiveness.
"Nika..." he starts, finally, tries to place a hand on Nikaido's knee, but it's shoved away. "I'm sorry." Tears run down his cheeks before he even notices, and when he meets Nikaido's glances he finds that he's not far from crying, either. "The rumors... They aren't wrong. Not completely." He takes a deep breath, because he has never told anyone this before - didn't think there would ever be a situation where he would have to. "I have slept with Taisuke."
"... You..." is all he gets back, and it almost sounds angry.
"I have slept with him. But I don't now. Not since we started dating."
"You think that matters?" he snaps. "That's fucking disgusting."
It is, he supposes. To anyone that isn't him or Taisuke. But he doesn't anymore, and he wants that to be the focus.
"Yeah, I guess I am disgusting," he snaps back, voice a bit loud, breaking a little as he cries. "But I haven't been unfaithful to you."
"Kenpi really?" Nikaido gets off the bed, stands up, pulls a pair of sweats on in one swift, angry movement. "How would you feel if you learned that your boyfriend has been fucking his own damn brother?! Would you be happy that he didn't do so while you were a couple, or would you find it gross anyway?!"
There's nothing for him to say, because while he has known that it is wrong, it has never felt disgusting. Which he can't try to explain anyway, because it wouldn't make anything better, so he just sits there under Nikaido's staring with tears running down his cheeks.
"You know, ever since I started suspecting it for real, it's been really hard on me? You say that you like me, that you want me to be yours, but how can I be sure that you don't do your fucking brother? You live in the same house and spend the time I'm not there together, and you're all cuddly even in public, wouldn't surprise me if you'd let him fuck you when he wants to." He's so clearly upset, even though he's only raising his voice, a cold and put-off tone in it.
"Nika, please," he sobs, "I would never. I want to be with you, okay?"
"Yeah, and you know what sucks? I really want to be with you too, because I've never felt like this and I can't believe you might feel the same for me, but it's really tough?" His voice cracks at the last words. "I feel like I can't trust you. How can I know you don't sleep with him?"
"I don't," he keeps trying.
"Kenpi," and now Nikaido is crying too. "I can't take it. I feel anxious all the time and I need to concentrate on school, or at least on the good feelings I have for you, but I keep worrying and I don't want to cry myself to sleep another night." He sits down on the edge of the bed, back towards Kento, and covers his face with his hands, sobbing quietly against them, and when Kento tries to put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, he shrugs it off and leans away. "You should probably leave now."
-
Kento makes it all the way home but barely inside before he bursts out crying again, back against the door as he shakes with sobs.
"Kento?" he hears his mom ask as she approaches. He's home way too early. "Kento, did something happen?" He looks up and her face is kind of blurry until he blinks the tears out of his eyes, and she pulls him into a gentle hug. "Did you fight?"
There's no need for her to say his name; they both know who she's talking about, and that alone makes him cry harder.
"Yes," he manages, and when she lets go and pulls away, she strokes his cheek with a concerned look on her face.
"Go rest," she suggests, assuming he wants to be alone, and he nods, even though it's not even half past nine in the morning and he shouldn't need to rest at all. "Taisuke is asleep. He got back late after a party or something. But I'm sure he'll listen if you want to talk to him about it when he wakes up."
He winces at the mention of his brother, but just a little, not enough that his mother reacts. "Yeah."
But he doesn't talk to Taisuke about it, not until he's gets asked. And it takes a week before that happens. A week where he feels bad for Nikaido, has a constant worry in his chest, can't sleep properly, and it feels like it will never end, either. Nikaido doesn't send him a single text message, they don't see each other in school, except the one time they pass by in the corridor, and their eyes don't even meet. Yet even though he knows Nikaido is upset, doesn't want him near, there's a part of Kento that just wants to stop him, pull him into his arms and kiss him, say sorry a hundred times and then some, kiss him again, and be happy. But he knows it's not that easy, and that he will have to wait for Nikaido to come to him. If he ever does.
Because he doesn't know what they are anymore. If they are still a couple, or if Nikaido asking him to leave meant that they can't be together ever again. He doesn't know if Nikaido will ever trust him again, and his heart has never felt as broken as it does the entire week he doesn't tell anyone at all.
He survives the week in school, friends still on his side, but he feels so much more lonely when he hears people whispering about it him, now that he doesn't have Nikaido on his side. Then he remembers that Nikaido might even be having it worse, and that just makes him feel horrible. At least he has himself to blame; the only thing Nikaido did wrong was fall in love.
When Taisuke knocks on his door, then enters without waiting for an answer, Kento has just gotten into bed. He turns to see his brother's silhouette in the light that comes with opening the door, and he doesn't try to make him leave, has no energy to. The light disappears when the door closes again, but his eyes are used to the dark already, and he can see Taisuke approaching.
“Kento?” His voice is so soft, like he's taking great care in choosing the tone to speak in, and it's so comforting to hear.
“Yeah?” he replies, even though he knows why Taisuke is there.
He sits down on the bed, turned partly towards Kento, bites his lip before he speaks again. “Something happened with Nika, right?” Of course he knows already.
“... Did mom tell you?”
“No. Just guessing. You're not happy, and you're happy when you're with him. Plus your eyes aren't glued to your phone lately.”
It warms his heart a little, to hear that Taisuke watches him so closely. That even though everything feels hopeless, at least someone cares enough to be worried about him.
“Yes, something happened.” He sits up, and can't keep the bitter tone out of his words at the memory of what caused Nikaido to ask in the first place. “You sent me that text message.”
“I'm sorry,” and it really sounds like he is. “I was drunk, and...”
“I don't want to say that it's okay, because it's not, and it might have ruined everything, but... I know you didn't mean to.” He means to speak calmly, but he can already feel his voice shaking. Taisuke can see it too, scoots a little closer, then reaches out in an attempt to hug him, but Kento leans away from him and he only ends up holding his forearms in a soft grip.
“So... he knows?”
A single tears runs down his cheek before Kento even notices; it drops down and hits the blanket that still covers his legs with a sound that is only heard because of the tense silence between them.
“I told him the truth. About us.” Another tear forms and falls, then another one, and soon he's sobbing quietly, waiting for Taisuke to say something. Just something.
“And?” he just asks, tries to pull Kento into an embrace again, puts a little more force into his efforts this time.
“He said I was disgusting, then told me to leave,” he weeps as he struggles a little against Taisuke, “and I haven't heard from him since. He doesn't even look at me in school.” Taisuke fully gets his arms around him, holds him against his own body, and Kento finally stops struggling. His arms come up, wrap around Taisuke's shoulders and he sobs against the side of his neck.
“Shh.” There's a couple of soft lips against the side of his head, and the warmth, the hushing, the familiar smell, is all so calming that Kento only starts crying harder.
“Taisuke, I don't wanna do anything anymore. I just want to be with him and be happy,” he cries, and the arms around him tighten. “But he doesn't want me anymore, and I don't want to be alone.”
At that, Taisuke pulls back a little, cups Kento's face in his hands and looks him straight in the eyes. For a moment he looks like he's about to kiss him, and Kento nearly wants him to, if only for some kind of proof that at least someone still loves him. But he doesn't, and in the dark it's impossible to guess what he's thinking by looking at his face.
“If there's someone that you want to be with, that doesn't want you,” he finally says after what feels like a couple of minutes but can't have been more than a half, “they're really, really stupid.”
“He is kind of stupid,” he cries, but with a pained smile this time, and Taisuke hugs him tight again.
“We should sleep.”
And they do, Taisuke kicks off his sweatpants and gets into the bed next to him, lets Kento cuddle up against his t-shirt clad chest, waits until his quiet sobs stop and kisses him on the forehead before he says goodnight. The familiarity makes it so comfortable, so easy to just go with, and when he falls asleep, that night is the first in many that Kento sleeps all the way until morning.
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