(no subject)
[x-posted]
Dear Nathan,
I've told you before, I don't believe in holding grudges or having enemies. I try not to have negative feelings towards anyone because it's a waste of energy and I like to believe there's good in everyone.
However, for you, I will make an exception.
You are a pathetic excuse for a human being.
I still don't want to believe it's true. I don't see how anyone could be so cold, so heartless. How could a person be so manipulative?
I thought you were different. You promised me again and again that if we ever broke up, it would be because of us and only us. And just when I began to believe, just when I began to feel secure that you weren’t going to be like other men, that you really did love me and only me, you turned around and broke every promise you ever made to me.
Even after I broke up with you, the lies continued. You pursued me for months, saying you still loved me, that you'd never love anyone but me, and that you'd wait for me to come back to you.
Does this email ring any bells?
"I just wanted to e-mail you saying something... I know there is no chance for us... I don't want to move forward... not yet. Instead I would like to be best friends... the best friends we should have been. The kind where it is us against the world. The kind that roll around in a field together laughing there asses off. The kind that if I were in jail you would be there next to me saying, "That was fucking awesome!" The kind that spends every momment together... I want to be there for you and you for I... What do you think xD
~ Nathan
P.S. I started to fall for you last night... but that doesn't matter >.< I just wanted to say so... Please don't pull away or change."
I wonder how many people you've given these lines to. I must admit, you've got the art of manipulation mastered.
I heard that you told Sarah you regretted breaking up with her, claiming you wouldn't have made so many mistakes if you hadn't.
You always have an excuse, don't you?
You had choices. You chose to become addicted to pot. You chose to get wasted nearly every day. You chose to surround yourself with superficial people who probably wouldn't bat an eye if you dropped dead right in front of them.
Grow up and take responsibility for your actions.
What have you told everyone else? What bullshit did you feed your mom that caused her to think I'm, quote, "a sick girl with a lot of problems"?
Because I've racked my brain trying to come up with what could have possibly given her that impression, and the only sick thing I can come up with is that I fell for someone like you.
Perhaps you've told so many lies that you've forgotten the truth. Allow me to refresh your memory.
Remember how suicidal you were in high school? I tried everything to cheer you up- from posting silly pictures of cats on your Live Journal to writing you long heart-felt letters about how much you meant to me and the rest of your friends and family.
When you lost your script for The Dining Room, I hand-typed every last word of every last line for every last character of yours and sent it to you that night.
Or how about when you and Natalie fought and you'd talk about how much you hated her? I'd tell you that you should never say things like that about your sister and that she was still young. Though she talked about me behind my back and spent every minute in my presence giving me dirty looks, I defended her.
Just like I defended you to all the friends and family members who saw through your facade. I was forever saying, "He's a really good person- you just can't see him the way I see him."
Even after I finally broke up with you, and you came crying back to me, going on about how much you missed me and how you had nobody to talk to, I pushed aside my own feelings and offered you the friendship that you insisted you needed from me.
And though you took advantage of me and my friendship every step of the way, I gave you chance after chance.
Remember how we were unable to have a good time whenever we went someplace public?
I finally figured out why... because you'd spend the entire time blatantly gazing at other girls and even hitting on them.
At first, I thought it was my problem- that I was simply overly jealous and that every man did those things. It wasn't until Cameron and I began dating that I understood the depth of my disillusionment. I never knew I could feel secure being with a boyfriend in the mall, at the arcade, or walking down the street.
I should have known even before we were dating that you had no respect for your girlfriends.
You told Jenna you loved her while you were with Becky. You flirted with me constantly while you were with Tiffany. You started dating me a week after you and Sarah broke up.
You told me about the time when you two were dating that she left one of your LAN parties and you didn't notice she was gone until three hours later.
You neglected to mention that was on her birthday.
At least she got to see you on her birthday, though. Remember my eighteenth birthday?
For your birthday, I threw you a surprise party beforehand and took you to a movie the day of.
I spent my birthday at home with tears pouring down my face because I never so much as got a "happy birthday" from you until I asked if you were going to wish me one.
And then there's Carol.
I knew something was fishy when she'd call at two in the morning, and when you refused to talk to her on the phone with me in the room. But you swore up down and sideways that she was merely some girl that you met at a party who was hitting on you.
Did you even use protection? Did it ever occur to you that by sleeping with her you exposed me to god only knows how many people?
Or maybe it did, but it's not like you'd care. You never did care for anyone but yourself.
I want you to know that despite all the selfish, insensitive things you did [and more come to mind with every thought of you], I was always going to love you, always going to be there for you, always going to be yours. To me, what we had was worth fighting for. I never once even considered any other guy while I was with you. In my eyes, you were always far above everyone else. No matter how much my instincts warned me not to, I loved you with everything in me.
I cheated myself long before you ever cheated on me.
What pisses me off the most is that even after all of this, after all the lying, the cheating, and the manipulations- you still kept telling me you loved me right up until I finally got tired of it all and said goodbye for good. Yet you'll tell anybody who will listen how I mercilessly broke your heart and how you wish I wasn't your first. If I really was so terrible, why didn't you let me leave when I wanted to, back in March 2006? If you were so unhappy, why not have the balls to tell me you were cheating on me so we could have a nice, clean break?
But no, like the sadistic asshole you are, you continued to keep me eating out of the palm of your hand for as long as you possibly could.
The scars you gave me complicate the relationship I am currently in, and will probably be with me throughout my entire life. As a result of your manipulations, my self-esteem is severely damaged and I find it nearly impossible to trust anyone.
So, perhaps your mother is right. I am sick. Sick to have wasted so much of my time and effort on a person that treated me like a piece of dirt. Give her my congratulations. She raised another fine specimen to add to this world of manipulative, deceiving, selfish people.
You were right about one thing- I do deserve better.
Truthfully,
me
Dear Nathan,
I've told you before, I don't believe in holding grudges or having enemies. I try not to have negative feelings towards anyone because it's a waste of energy and I like to believe there's good in everyone.
However, for you, I will make an exception.
You are a pathetic excuse for a human being.
I still don't want to believe it's true. I don't see how anyone could be so cold, so heartless. How could a person be so manipulative?
I thought you were different. You promised me again and again that if we ever broke up, it would be because of us and only us. And just when I began to believe, just when I began to feel secure that you weren’t going to be like other men, that you really did love me and only me, you turned around and broke every promise you ever made to me.
Even after I broke up with you, the lies continued. You pursued me for months, saying you still loved me, that you'd never love anyone but me, and that you'd wait for me to come back to you.
Does this email ring any bells?
"I just wanted to e-mail you saying something... I know there is no chance for us... I don't want to move forward... not yet. Instead I would like to be best friends... the best friends we should have been. The kind where it is us against the world. The kind that roll around in a field together laughing there asses off. The kind that if I were in jail you would be there next to me saying, "That was fucking awesome!" The kind that spends every momment together... I want to be there for you and you for I... What do you think xD
~ Nathan
P.S. I started to fall for you last night... but that doesn't matter >.< I just wanted to say so... Please don't pull away or change."
I wonder how many people you've given these lines to. I must admit, you've got the art of manipulation mastered.
I heard that you told Sarah you regretted breaking up with her, claiming you wouldn't have made so many mistakes if you hadn't.
You always have an excuse, don't you?
You had choices. You chose to become addicted to pot. You chose to get wasted nearly every day. You chose to surround yourself with superficial people who probably wouldn't bat an eye if you dropped dead right in front of them.
Grow up and take responsibility for your actions.
What have you told everyone else? What bullshit did you feed your mom that caused her to think I'm, quote, "a sick girl with a lot of problems"?
Because I've racked my brain trying to come up with what could have possibly given her that impression, and the only sick thing I can come up with is that I fell for someone like you.
Perhaps you've told so many lies that you've forgotten the truth. Allow me to refresh your memory.
Remember how suicidal you were in high school? I tried everything to cheer you up- from posting silly pictures of cats on your Live Journal to writing you long heart-felt letters about how much you meant to me and the rest of your friends and family.
When you lost your script for The Dining Room, I hand-typed every last word of every last line for every last character of yours and sent it to you that night.
Or how about when you and Natalie fought and you'd talk about how much you hated her? I'd tell you that you should never say things like that about your sister and that she was still young. Though she talked about me behind my back and spent every minute in my presence giving me dirty looks, I defended her.
Just like I defended you to all the friends and family members who saw through your facade. I was forever saying, "He's a really good person- you just can't see him the way I see him."
Even after I finally broke up with you, and you came crying back to me, going on about how much you missed me and how you had nobody to talk to, I pushed aside my own feelings and offered you the friendship that you insisted you needed from me.
And though you took advantage of me and my friendship every step of the way, I gave you chance after chance.
Remember how we were unable to have a good time whenever we went someplace public?
I finally figured out why... because you'd spend the entire time blatantly gazing at other girls and even hitting on them.
At first, I thought it was my problem- that I was simply overly jealous and that every man did those things. It wasn't until Cameron and I began dating that I understood the depth of my disillusionment. I never knew I could feel secure being with a boyfriend in the mall, at the arcade, or walking down the street.
I should have known even before we were dating that you had no respect for your girlfriends.
You told Jenna you loved her while you were with Becky. You flirted with me constantly while you were with Tiffany. You started dating me a week after you and Sarah broke up.
You told me about the time when you two were dating that she left one of your LAN parties and you didn't notice she was gone until three hours later.
You neglected to mention that was on her birthday.
At least she got to see you on her birthday, though. Remember my eighteenth birthday?
For your birthday, I threw you a surprise party beforehand and took you to a movie the day of.
I spent my birthday at home with tears pouring down my face because I never so much as got a "happy birthday" from you until I asked if you were going to wish me one.
And then there's Carol.
I knew something was fishy when she'd call at two in the morning, and when you refused to talk to her on the phone with me in the room. But you swore up down and sideways that she was merely some girl that you met at a party who was hitting on you.
Did you even use protection? Did it ever occur to you that by sleeping with her you exposed me to god only knows how many people?
Or maybe it did, but it's not like you'd care. You never did care for anyone but yourself.
I want you to know that despite all the selfish, insensitive things you did [and more come to mind with every thought of you], I was always going to love you, always going to be there for you, always going to be yours. To me, what we had was worth fighting for. I never once even considered any other guy while I was with you. In my eyes, you were always far above everyone else. No matter how much my instincts warned me not to, I loved you with everything in me.
I cheated myself long before you ever cheated on me.
What pisses me off the most is that even after all of this, after all the lying, the cheating, and the manipulations- you still kept telling me you loved me right up until I finally got tired of it all and said goodbye for good. Yet you'll tell anybody who will listen how I mercilessly broke your heart and how you wish I wasn't your first. If I really was so terrible, why didn't you let me leave when I wanted to, back in March 2006? If you were so unhappy, why not have the balls to tell me you were cheating on me so we could have a nice, clean break?
But no, like the sadistic asshole you are, you continued to keep me eating out of the palm of your hand for as long as you possibly could.
The scars you gave me complicate the relationship I am currently in, and will probably be with me throughout my entire life. As a result of your manipulations, my self-esteem is severely damaged and I find it nearly impossible to trust anyone.
So, perhaps your mother is right. I am sick. Sick to have wasted so much of my time and effort on a person that treated me like a piece of dirt. Give her my congratulations. She raised another fine specimen to add to this world of manipulative, deceiving, selfish people.
You were right about one thing- I do deserve better.
Truthfully,
me