sum laughs
sum laughs for the nite :p
behind the cut
THE IRISH ENGINEER
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."
Murphy asked, "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland, and me being Irish I should get the job!"
The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the question that you missed."
Murphy then asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
The manager replied, "Simple, the American put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I'."
LOVE EQUATIONS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $200 for a $100 item he needs.
A woman will pay $100 for a $200 item she doesn't need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men.
But married men are a lot more willing to die than single men.
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver."
--by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.
--Ernest Hemingway
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
hope u enjoyed :)
behind the cut
THE IRISH ENGINEER
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."
Murphy asked, "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland, and me being Irish I should get the job!"
The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the question that you missed."
Murphy then asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
The manager replied, "Simple, the American put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I'."
LOVE EQUATIONS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $200 for a $100 item he needs.
A woman will pay $100 for a $200 item she doesn't need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men.
But married men are a lot more willing to die than single men.
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver."
--by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.
--Ernest Hemingway
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
hope u enjoyed :)