This may prove to be a bit random...
Hoy es el cumpleaños de mi madre.
We're secretely getting her car windows tinted.
She's been mentioning getting it done for some time now, but with the past month's events, she really hasn't had time. We lied and said that we would wash/wax it (which we'll still do) but with the added tinting.
I'm actually excited about it.
I start Wednesday at Becker & Poliakoff.
I get to work in HR... Should be an interesting change of pace.
9:00-5:30 Monday-Friday.
I took 6 exams in 4 days last week.
I wasn't too thrilled with my final grades, but with the added pressure and emotional instability during finals week, I can't bitch too much.
The Arts: A
Biology: B+
Child Psych: A
Psych. Stats: B+
Ancient Hist: ?*
(*I had a solid A in the class going into my final exam and got nothing lower than a 93 on anything previous to that, got a damn 85% on the final, and now I have an 89.65% in the class. We'll see how she feels about rounding tomorrow, though I blame this one on myself.)
To be honest, I really just wanted to get through the week and be home again.
Whatever.
We're traveling a lot this summer, my mom and I...
In June, we'll be going up to New Hampshire for a long weekend to see Linda, then we'll be at her first two shows in South Carolina and Georgia, respectively. We're going to be at the Atlanta regional in July, and then we'll spend the week of finals out in California.
It should be nice.
For the record, I believe that we should just skip the entire spring season from this year on out.
When bad things happen, they happen in the spring.
I never believed that perfection was attainable until I sat and really thought about my dad.
I don't think it was even something that he had to "attain" per se, but more of a gift, something instinctive, something internal that he had.
Nothing is believable or unbelievable to me anymore.
Nothing shocks or frightens me.
There is nothing comparably surprising or scary or devastating or painful.
Everything is easy and yet, something like opening my eyes in the morning or listening to certain music proves to be extremely difficult.
Nothing makes sense.
Nothing is comfortable.
Nothing is stable.
Everything is questionable.
Life is not what it used to be, but I am.
Now, normally if someone reads that, they jump to conclusions...
They think that I need to be psychologically evaluated and seek help or something ridiculous.
It's not that way.
I'm fully aware of my thoughts and emotions and fully capable of living my life, driving alone in my car, NOT having every damn second of my life occupied by someone making an attempt to distract me from thinking about my father, and NOT being probed and questioned in regards to my emotional state.
I can express myself.
I can NOT express myself.
When I feel like talking, I do, to whoever happens to be in earshot.
When I don't feel like talking, I don't, and it doesn't mean that I am "bottling up emotions" and most certainly does NOT mean that I am WEAK.
When I smile or laugh, it's not fake and not plastered to my face to make people think that I'm alright.
I AM alright, though it may not be all of the time, in that moment, in that smile, that laughter, I am alright.
People can't expect me to be positive and "think of the good times" all of the time.
That is not the natural way of life in a situation like my own.
If I happen to break down and cry at any random, given moment in front of you, it's not because I'm incapable.
My father left me with an incredible sense of independence, one that he recently confessed to having caused him fright.
He left me with passion and love and self-motivation unlike any other.
He left me with my eyes, ears, heart, and mind that I can do whatever I choose with.
More importantly than anything else, he left me with life.
I'm using it wisely.
We're secretely getting her car windows tinted.
She's been mentioning getting it done for some time now, but with the past month's events, she really hasn't had time. We lied and said that we would wash/wax it (which we'll still do) but with the added tinting.
I'm actually excited about it.
I start Wednesday at Becker & Poliakoff.
I get to work in HR... Should be an interesting change of pace.
9:00-5:30 Monday-Friday.
I took 6 exams in 4 days last week.
I wasn't too thrilled with my final grades, but with the added pressure and emotional instability during finals week, I can't bitch too much.
The Arts: A
Biology: B+
Child Psych: A
Psych. Stats: B+
Ancient Hist: ?*
(*I had a solid A in the class going into my final exam and got nothing lower than a 93 on anything previous to that, got a damn 85% on the final, and now I have an 89.65% in the class. We'll see how she feels about rounding tomorrow, though I blame this one on myself.)
To be honest, I really just wanted to get through the week and be home again.
Whatever.
We're traveling a lot this summer, my mom and I...
In June, we'll be going up to New Hampshire for a long weekend to see Linda, then we'll be at her first two shows in South Carolina and Georgia, respectively. We're going to be at the Atlanta regional in July, and then we'll spend the week of finals out in California.
It should be nice.
For the record, I believe that we should just skip the entire spring season from this year on out.
When bad things happen, they happen in the spring.
I never believed that perfection was attainable until I sat and really thought about my dad.
I don't think it was even something that he had to "attain" per se, but more of a gift, something instinctive, something internal that he had.
Nothing is believable or unbelievable to me anymore.
Nothing shocks or frightens me.
There is nothing comparably surprising or scary or devastating or painful.
Everything is easy and yet, something like opening my eyes in the morning or listening to certain music proves to be extremely difficult.
Nothing makes sense.
Nothing is comfortable.
Nothing is stable.
Everything is questionable.
Life is not what it used to be, but I am.
Now, normally if someone reads that, they jump to conclusions...
They think that I need to be psychologically evaluated and seek help or something ridiculous.
It's not that way.
I'm fully aware of my thoughts and emotions and fully capable of living my life, driving alone in my car, NOT having every damn second of my life occupied by someone making an attempt to distract me from thinking about my father, and NOT being probed and questioned in regards to my emotional state.
I can express myself.
I can NOT express myself.
When I feel like talking, I do, to whoever happens to be in earshot.
When I don't feel like talking, I don't, and it doesn't mean that I am "bottling up emotions" and most certainly does NOT mean that I am WEAK.
When I smile or laugh, it's not fake and not plastered to my face to make people think that I'm alright.
I AM alright, though it may not be all of the time, in that moment, in that smile, that laughter, I am alright.
People can't expect me to be positive and "think of the good times" all of the time.
That is not the natural way of life in a situation like my own.
If I happen to break down and cry at any random, given moment in front of you, it's not because I'm incapable.
My father left me with an incredible sense of independence, one that he recently confessed to having caused him fright.
He left me with passion and love and self-motivation unlike any other.
He left me with my eyes, ears, heart, and mind that I can do whatever I choose with.
More importantly than anything else, he left me with life.
I'm using it wisely.