(no subject)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I hate it here, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Its beautiful, but everything is going wrong for me back in New Mexico. My gf brittney is about to leave me for another this other person that I really like also, grrr IHML IHML IHML IHML IHML IHML IHML IHML IHML IHML IHML IHML IHML. I just cant deal with this shit. Rosie is here, and thats cool, but I hate it here so much, I really liked Brittney, and I was starting to fall in love with her, even though when had only been dating for a short while, I was. And she said she loved me, and I flipped out, I didnt know what was happening, I never have gotten that before, no-one that I was dating has ever said that they where falling in love with me, and I have never felt this strong for anyone, Love is such a way over used word, I mean ppl shout I LOVE YOU, at random ppl when there going down central, and this time I knew she ment it, and I fucking believed her, and I trusted her enoff to love her back. AND I FUCKED EVERYTHING UP. it really is all my fault, I am such a fucking ass, I deserve to die, I just want to die, I am a fucking retard. ahhhhhhhh. and see thats the hole reason I flipped out, because she loved me, and I loved her, so I was confused, and I started blabbing stuipid shit, so stuipid I dont even remember what I said.... I really just want to cry, and I never feel like this, I havent felt this worse in like forever, I mean how many times have I really just cried, or just said that I wanted to. This is so hard I dont even know how to handel it, I really wish I was back in New Mexico, I wish I just could talk to nan and john right now, I miss them so much, I feel even worse that I just left and didnt get to say good-bye to anyone, mostly even them... I dont know what to do, I really just need to get back to NM, and I just want to curl up in a little ball in free radicals, and just sit there. and maybe talk to one of them some, god I miss everyone and I have like 13 more days here, some vacation. I fucking miss everyone, esp nan and john... I feel so alone, and I dont know what to do...sorry but I have to ask for it...help...I have never felt this bad in my hole life...I dont know what to do...