hunhan: bitter coffee ii

[hunhanie]

Title: Bitter Coffee
Pairing: Hunhan / Sehan
Genre: Humor, Fluff, Angst
Word Count: 8,961 words
Author: Keanne
Summary: Sehun is a writer, a desperate one, to earn money under Luhan’s publication. He hates Luhan’s guts (not really). Yet he found his self falling for the older guy. But their love story isn’t like those in novels with a happy ending…
A/N: I started writing this exactly April 9th and only finished now. That’s how lazy I am. This is for the hunhan shippers out there. ♥

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”

― Steve Maraboli



Sehun took a spoonful of his ice cream and hissed after it stung his teeth. He pushed the coffee shop’s door and went inside. He raised his brow as Minseok came to him, pointing the ice cream on his hand.

“You are not allowed to eat that here. That’s not our prod-“ Minseok greeted him with big eyes.

Ignoring the manager, Sehun went to his favorite spot. “Shut the fuck up, Xiupao. I am not in my belligerent attitude to argue with you right now.” He took a seat and placed his legs on the opposite side. Seriously, he could easily punch someone who will fuck up his mood at the moment.

“Wow. That’s something new. Tell me more.” Minseok nudged him as he sat on the opposite seat, pushing Sehun’s legs away.

“I’m just-“

“You only need a man in your life, Sehun. Believe me.” He stated like a boss as he pointed his finger on the young guy.

Sehun was about to argue with Minseok when the door of the coffee shop opened. Two guys entered and they both looked so good that it caught his attention. Somehow, they seemed like having the same aura with Luhan. Jerk? No. perfect? Maybe. “I guess, you’re right for the first time in your life Kim Minseok. You should thank that you are born. BRB while I face the men of my life.” He stated then went out nearer to the two guys that were on the line for the counter. “Hi-“

“Sehuna, what are you doing?” That sudden voice of Luhan came out of nowhere.

What a good timing you have there, midget. With a glare, Sehun turned to the shorter guy from his back. “What are you doing, Lulu?” He asked, irritated.

“You know him, Luhan?” One of the two guys that caught Sehun’s attention asked.

“Unfortunately. This is Oh Sehun, he works for me.” Luhan nodded and introduced him to the two. “Sehun, those are Jongin and Joonmyun.”

“Hi, I’m Jongin but you can call me Kai.” The other guy introduced his self and smiled. He seemed playful, almost like a kid. His dark skin… is cute. Sehun thought and smiled.

“Joonmyun.”

Sehun let his mouth agape looking on Joonmyun. He swore he looked like an angel or a god. His face was perfectly chiseled and sculptured, adored by a presence of a good aura. He seemed… really godly, a type of guy that can’t make a mistake. He seemed… perfect.

“Yeah, Sehun. Sehun said cheerfully and handed his hand for the two. Luhan held his hand and pulled him to the counter. His mind went blank; and he noticed Luhan’s friends’ looked equally surprised as well but then a sudden mysterious smile was tugged on their handsome faces.

“What are you doing-“ Sehun asked Luhan when the melted ice cream that he held awhile ago spilled unto the older guy’s white shirt. He gulped then instantly put up a smile. “Ooops, sorry. Hehe.”

“Hehe.” Luhan copied him with a glare. “I don’t have a spare shirt on my car so you take responsibility of this.” He then grabbed Sehun’s hand and went out from the coffee shop.

Sehun was caught off guard and he could only feel Luhan’s hand against his. “Where are we going?” He asked but his mind was too pre-occupied. Or maybe, it was plainly blank. All he knew was that his mind went in circles and he could only stare at his clasped hand with Luhan’s.

“At your place.”

☆彡

The sound of the rustling water from the shower cannot let Sehun keep calm. He kept walking all over the room and let his nerves calm down. “But how would I keep calm when Luhan is in my bathroom and cleaning his self up? But why am I even disturbed? I swear my mind is innocent and I am not thinking of anything else.” He started his monologue then stared at the aircon of his unit. “I swear I’m not!” He said then pointed it as if talking with a real person.

He walked back to the sofa, sat then crossed his legs. He sighed as he bit his lower lip while looking at his bathroom’s door. His face flushed red as he gulped. “Ah! Why the hell is he taking so long? He’s just washing his upper body! It isn’t like he’s taking a bath or something.” He stood up then faced the aircon once again. “And why is the sound of the water so disturbing?!” He heaved a deep breath and pointed a finger on the poor thing again. “I’m suddenly feeling hot right now and I’m pretty sure you’re not doing your job really well.” He rolled his eyes as he fanned his cheeks; he then made his way to the kitchen and got his self cold water from the refrigerator. He heaved a deep sigh once again as he was completely clueless why Luhan made his mind go haywire.

He heard the door of the bathroom opened and he craned his neck to see Luhan coming out from it. The glass that he was holding almost slipped from his hand as he found his self weakening while looking at Luhan that just came out from the shower. The goddamned guy has his top body naked and was glistening with few drops of water. Gulping, Sehun averted his gaze away from Luhan’s body and stayed staring at the refrigerator like an idiot. He cleared his throat that gone dry in an instant. “How shameless can you get Luhan? Just because you’re my boss doesn’t mean you can go lpitering your naked upper body on my place. Wipe that fuckin’ drops of water and change for clothes!”

Luhan laughed a little then wiped his upper body with an extra piece of cloth that was prepared on the sofa along with a shirt. “You’re such a kid. What’s wrong with-“

“Just shut up and put that shirt on already!” Sehun hissed through his teeth as Luhan’s milky skin disturbed his whole being. He also cannot unsee Luhan’s sexy collarbones and he was quite surprised Luhan got abs. it complimented rally well with his frame and he can now never see Luhan’s baby face the same way again. He faced the refrigerator once again as he noticed the now clothed Luhan started making his way to the kitchen.

“Why are you not looking at me?” Luhan asked, standing just near Sehun’s back.

“I am.” Sehun answered and stayed staring at the metallic grey machine.

“Look at me.” Luhan demanded, now taking another step.

Sehun found his self gulping a lot of times as his hand that was holding the empty glass started shaking. He felt like his heart would leap away any moment out from his chest as he can almost feel Luhan’s body from his back. “I’m busy.”

Without hesitation, Luhan grabbed Sehun and made the young one face him in an instant. He smiled and got the glass from Sehun’s hand, putting it safely on the side. “I should let you know the meaning of busy…”

Sehun stayed staring at Luhan’s eyes and found his self lost. He never thought his own’s heartbeat can be this deafening. The air in between them got even warmer and Sehun could feel his cheeks burning. It was almost like the time stood still as he saw Luhan descending his face down to his own. He closed his eyes as he felt Luhan’s soft lips against his. It was so soft and so gentle, almost like a peck. Entranced, he welcomed the first brush of Luhan’s lips.

Luhan retreated and returned, as soft as the first time. His hand slipped into Sehun’s silky hair as he deepened the kiss. Sehun tightened his arms around Luhan’s neck, wanting. Emotions flooded through his system, too many to grasp.

Luhan finally let Sehun’s lips go and stayed staring at the younger guy. Sehun opened his eyes, full of questions yet glinting with a new shimmer of feeling.

“W-why did you do that?” Sehun finally broke the silence and asked. He knew he was flushing red streaks on his cheeks once again. His heartbeats weren’t back to normal either and he never thought heart could really skip its beat while doing so. Damn Luhan for making him experience those things that only happened in novels.

Luhan smiled sheepishly, tapping Sehun’s cheeks. “I want to keep you busy.”

Throwing a glare on the older guy, Sehun pushed him away and moved away from the refrigerator. “Stay the fuck away from me Luhan! How dare you kiss me like that?” He kept whining and pushing Luhan away, pummeling the older guy in a soft way.

Keeping his smile from being obvious, Luhan caught Sehun’s wrist and held it tightly, with no plan of letting go. He grabbed him closer then dragged him out as he headed for the door.

“Hey, where are we going?” Sehun asked, alarmed. Luhan didn’t answer but continued dragging him, now holding his hand tightly. Sehun sighed as he knew it was of no use fighting with Luhan and fighting his feelings for the guy.

The moment Luhan held Sehun’s hand tightly was the moment Luhan managed to have a tight grip on his heart.

☆彡

Sehun smiled satisfyingly as he looked around at the park packed with people. He must really be kept for so long in his own apartment unit as he didn’t even know a festival was going on near his place. His eyes lit up with excitement as he let his eyes roam around the place.

“You like it?” Luhan asked, smiling. “It’s Fireworks Festival so I thought you might be interested” He then let out a sigh of relief. “That’s what hopeless romantic writers like.”

Sehun decided to let pass Luhan’s nonsense comment this time. He was overwhelmed with happiness and lots of emotions. “Shut up. But thank you.” He looked at Luhan and smiled. “Thank you for making me busy tonight.”

Biting his lower lip, Luhan scratched his bro and acted up innocent. “Sehuna, I don’t accept simple thank you. I want something…”

Knotting his forehead, Sehun looked at Luhan then looked around the place. “Okay, what food do you want? Oh, good choice Luhan, I want ice cream too.” He chimed like a kid and got giddy to go to the ice cream corner he spotted.

“Hey, I want something else!” Luhan pointed out and he then puffed his cheek as Sehun looked at him.

“What?”

Luhan puffed his cheek even more.

“Ugh! What do you want?”

Luhan then pointed his cheek with his finger and smiled playfully. “Kiss.”

Sehun’s eyes widened as he looked around. “I will not give you a goddamn kiss in front of many people, Luhan. Just. No.”

Luhan’s playful smile turned into a smirk as he rose his brow. “Oh, really… will I kiss you in front of these people instead, Oh Sehun?”

With a glare, Sehun moved closer to Luhan and sighed. He didn’t have a choice. Luhan might look like a kid but he keeps his words.  He bit his lower lip then gave a peck on Luhan’s cheek. “Satisfied?”

Luhan only shook his head while smiling.

“Well, fuck you.” Sehun cursed as he rolled his eyes.

Ruffling Sehun’s silky hair, Luhan let out a smile but not a happy one. “Continue having that tough façade,  Sehuna and you might last a heartbreak with me.”

Knotting his forehead, Sehun stared at Luhan, trying to put a conclusion on what he just heard. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Let’s eat ice cream okay.”

☆彡

He already sighed for a lot of times. Stomped his foot on the ground multiple times. Cursed the people around him millions of times. And he heaved a sigh again. “When is the fireworks show gonna start, dammit.”

“Stop whining like a kid, Sehuna.” Luhan commented and ticked a slight laugh.

“But hey, we’ve been waiting for about three hours now and-“ Sehun countered and waved his hand as he explained.

Luhan smiled and held Sehun’s face then lift it up on the sky. “It’s starting.”

Sehun’s eyes widened with the beautiful scene on the night sky and let his eyes feast on the different colors of fireworks. All people’s attention was on the fireworks and Sehun cursed under his breath as Luhan’s hand that was holding his face disturbed him way too much. He stayed staring at the scenery at the night sky until Luhan cupped his face and he felt his face being slowly averted back to face Luhan’s.

There, under the very colorful fireworks lighting up the night sky, Luhan kissed him passionately.

☆彡

“Did you enjoy the fireworks?” Luhan asked as he held Sehun’s hand, as both of them were on their way back to the latter’s place.

Sehun cleared his throat and kept a blank face. “Of course.” But how the hell will I enjoy it when we were just kissing again and again and again… he muttered on his mind. He flushed red again and he was just glad it was dark.

They stayed walking like that, holding hands and no one wanting to let go. Sehun wondered if t time would come that someday Luhan would be holding another hand like this… as tight as this…

Sehun smiled bitterly then looked at the streets. He blinked as he saw a familiar face on the crowd that wasn’t far from them. Ah, Baekhyun. That name came to his mind instantly. He studied Baekhyun’s face and he somehow felt happy because he looked alright. And beside him was a guy way taller that him, a handsome one too, a model-type of a guy.

“Isn’t that Baekhyun?” Sehun asked as he pointed Baekhyun with his lips before looking at Luhan. Maybe it was just his imagination but Luhan looked troubled, eyes clouded with emotions that made him uncomfortable.

Clearing his throat Luhan nodded. “Yeah, he’s now going out with a friend. That’s Chanyeol.”

Sehun just mouthed and oh then nodded. He didn’t fail to notice that Luhan’s grip with his hand wasn’t that tight anymore, until Luhan himself let his hand go. Oh well…

“Sehuna, I think I won’t go back in your place right now. I should… head straight home...” Luhan said as he smiled apologetically.

He didn’t know why but he felt really heavy inside and there’s that pinch on his chest that he didn’t know why. “Okay… I can just walk from here anyway.” Sehun agreed as he nodded.

Luhan but his lip and pulled Sehun closer, hugging him.”I’m sorry.”

Tell me what you are really sorry for, Luhan. Sehun chose to stay silent. He didn’t know what he was feeling at the moment. Luhan’s hug didn’t even make him feel better. And there was that fear… “It’s okay… Lulu. Good night. Thank you.”

Before letting go, Luhan forced a smile and planted a kiss on Sehun’s thin lips. But even that kiss wasn’t an enough assurance for something that’s about to come.

☆彡

Sehun battled a silly sense of excitement as he got out of the taxi and stood outside Luhan’s house, holding a paper bag. He hated how he was absurdly eager to see Luhan again for they have only met two nights ago. He even thought of an idea and an alibi how to meet his boss again and he was just glad his mind worked and came up with one. Now holding a paper bag, with Luhan’s shirt that was left on his apartment, he pressed the doorbell with a cold finger.

Is this how you are supposed to feel when you miss someone? Having indescribable thing going on in your stomach, having your heart beat faster that it’s supposed to be and having your knees growing weak all of a sudden? Missing someone could be deadly then.

He heaved a deep sigh until he saw Luhan’s surprised face upon opening the gate. He smiled awkwardly and raised the paper bag on his hand.

“Oh, Sehuna, what’s that?” Luhan asked, now opening the gate widely, letting the guest come inside.

Sehun stepped in awkwardly, looking at the ground. I miss you, he wanted to say but somehow he felt like Luhan didn’t feel the same way. Was he wrong? But why does it hurt him… “I came here to return the shirt you left at my apartment.” He announced and gave the paper bag to Luhan’s hand. “It’s not like I’m here to see you or anything.” He added defensively.

Luhan cocked his head, studying Sehun. “Thank you.” He said pleasantly and put the paper bag randomly at the small swing near them. “So… are you going home now?”

Looking down at the ground, Sehun nodded slowly. He felt bad again because Luhan wasn’t even glad that they met. He even found a way… He slowly walked back and went outside the gate. Standing outside from it, he stayed at Luhan, wanting to say anything but doesn’t have the gut to. I miss you.

“What?” Luhan asked.

He looked at him still, frowning. “Nothing.”

“Spill it out.”

“I said nothing!” Sehun repeated then started walking away from the gate.

Letting out a small laugh, Luhan caught up with Sehun and walked with him. “I’m just going to let you ride a taxi hand see you off. To thank your effort for returning my shirt.” He announced as he pocketed his hand on his jeans.

They walked for a few more steps until Sehun sighed and looked at Luhan. “Is falling in love supposed to be like this? It brings out the best in you and the moment after it, it makes you feel the worst feeling you could experience.” He blurted out in a hardly audible voice but he knew Luhan can hear him. “I thought falling in love would be all about sparkles and rainbows - and flowery stuffs. But why… Why do I feel like I’m riding the most extreme rollercoaster on the planet and falling off in the middle of the best loop-the-loop?”

Heaving a deep sigh, Luhan stopped walking and looked at Sehun with a serious face. “Let’s stop talking about this.”

Sadness clouded Sehun’s eyes and he knew he couldn’t stop it from clouding his face. “Tell me if I’m wrong, Luhan. I feel like there’s something special between us and I’m sure it’s not just one-sided.” He stated in a weak voice and he couldn’t believe his ears that he just said it. Sometimes, in love, you have to be brave enough to speak.

His hope died down as Luhan knotted his forehead and pretty much looked annoyed. No…

“Let’s not see each other again like this. Let’s go back like the way we were before.” Luhan said in a hardened voice then waved a hand at the taxi just passed by. He opened the door abruptly and let Sehun get inside. “Clear up your mind.” He said then closed the door.

Tears started flowing down Sehun’s cheeks the moment Luhan closed the taxi’s door. He finally gathered the guts to ask Luhan’s feelings but he got shoved back to his face that it wasn’t just it. What were all those kisses for? All those moments when Luhan held his hand tightly? All those sweet smiles? He doesn’t know anymore and he was just filled with too many emotions - all falling apart right in front of him. He hated how all he could do was cry and he hated how he couldn’t even stop his tears.

“Excuse me? But where to?” the taxi driver asked in a soft and understanding voice.

Sehun wiped his wet cheeks with his hand rashly and cleared his throat. “Let’s please roam around the city for an hour and drop me at Pleasant Homes.” He said and leaned at the back seat. He closed his hurtling eyes and gathered back his self. No, I’m not just gonna give up like that, he muttered. I know Luhan feels the same way for me. He didn’t say he doesn’t love me in the first place. He added as he eased his now wounded heart. Damn Luhan. But I am still hurting, and I even tell my self “Everything’s going to be alright.”

☆彡

After an agonizing few days, Sehun found his self at Coffee Haven’s, with a coffee on his hand. He had been sitting there for almost and hour now and he acted as though he was waiting for someone to come. Luhan. Won’t he come and bug me over a new book again? He hated the answer he came up with so he brushed it off from his mind. He stayed there, hoping that Luhan would drop by. The two of us needed a serious talk.

He stayed fiddling at the random keys on his laptop, calming down his self. He needed a conclusion. It wasn’t like he and Luhan were in commitment but he wasn’t just as dumb as those main characters in his novels. He smiled bitterly, looking at his empty word document. He himself writes love stories but look at him now, having hard time dealing over his own story. Now he wished what he had with Luhan was purely fictitious, wherein, of course, he could write a happy ending. But that wasn’t just the case. Reality is harsh.

He took a deep sigh as he felt his chest becoming heavier. He looked around when he heard the chimes of the door. He blinked twice to make sure he wasn’t just dreaming when he saw Luhan coming inside, the guy that just came in headed straight to the counter, ordering his own coffee. Sehun went back to sitting still on his table, holding his stomach as he felt it jittering. His chest was overwhelmed with happiness by just the simple sight of Luhan. He hated how he was hurting yet still feeling very much in love.

Taking a sip from his coffee, he started averting his gaze from outside the glass and started at the drama of black clouds hurling lighting. Rain would soon fall, he thought. He gave a side glance as he noticed Luhan was sitting comfortably and peacefully at the table next to his. He tried gathering his self up, telling he needed to make a move to start the serious talk he wanted. But he failed miserably as he found his self weakening when Luhan stared back at him, with a serious face. He was utmost loss for words as Luhan made his way on his own table. He averted his gaze to give his nerves time to settle.

“I know you want us to talk,” Luhan broke the silence as he came on Sehun’s table, now taking a seat from the opposite side.

Sehun stared at him and forced a smile. “I came here, hoping I would see you. I had been sitting here for about an hour now, still hoping you’d come. You just did and I wouldn’t let this chance pass by. Now at least hear me out for the second time, Luhan and let me hear your side as well. I swear we both need this.” He started, hoping he looked more confident that he felt.

Luhan nodded, not even looking at him once.

“I once asked you what you felt for me. But you snapped and let me went home, not even explaining anything to me. I’m not a fool not to know you don’t feel anything special for me and I know I’m not just being delusional either. I am clearly not just misunderstanding us.” He added, still staring at Luhan. “It was entirely your fault, well not really. I have mine too but I blame you. You first approached me and crept into my life - just like the way you crept into my heart. I was very much contented of my life and I was living very peacefully. But you came and talked to me, not just like an owner of the publishing company. You showed me the other side of you and shoved to my face how I was wrong to think you were a jerk, heartless and emotionless human being. The first time you came to my apartment was the start of everything.” He said as he tried to blink back the tears that started forming on his eyes, making his vision blurry. “You treated me like your special someone. You made me feel special. Every time you looked at me, it was like you were looking at the most perfect person in the world. With everything you did, of course it was very expected that I will fall for you - hard. I finally realized my feeling when we saw Baekhyun again, I suddenly had a fear that you might be in love with him and that you might be gone from me, but of course I know you weren’t mine in the first place. I finally had the courage to confess to you and then asked you about it but you pushed me away, saying it wasn’t just it.

Luhan gave out a sigh. “You will just be hurt, Sehun.” He amended.

Smiling bitterly once again, he looked at Luhan that was looking at him now, with extreme sadness on his eyes. “You put band-aid on my bruise, even if it was supposedly a cold compress. You introduced me to your friends; you even held my hand in front of them. You told Baekhyun that you love me. You kissed me on my apartment. You kissed me passionately under the fireworks. You held my hand tightly, as I you never want to let go.” He started once again now biting his lower I t stop his self from crying. “You made me fall for you, Xi Lu Han.”

“I’m sorry.” That was the only words that left Luhan’s lips.

“I’ve expected this outcome already.” He let out a slight laugh and said. “Don’t worry about me. Thank you for at least answering and straight. But I really want to know one thing.”

“Okay.”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“What?” Sehun asked again, surprised. He felt his stomach fell about ten floors. His skin began to tingle, as if it had a life on its own.

“But I can’t.”

“Why?” he frowned.

“Because you will only get hurt, Sehun. You know my history with Baekhyun. I was such a jerk. He was right. I don’t deserve to be happy; I don’t deserve to be loved. I don’t deserve you. I don’t want you to get hurt all because of me. Just go back to your own world, that way no one can hurt you.” Luhan explained, eyes clouded with sadness.

He felt numbed all over. Pained. Sehun stared at him for quite some time and slowly nodded.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you just like right now. God knows this isn’t what I wanted. That’s why I’m pushing you away. I really just don’t want to hurt you.” He started once again. “I want to protect your feelings, Sehuna. I love you, that’s why. This is for you.”

“I know.” He at last found the words to say but his throat started to hurt. He wanted to scream his heart out. “Thank you.” This isn’t what I wanted… Some of the pieces began to fall together and he wasn’t sure he liked the picture they formed.

“I changed my self starting from the day Baekhyun broke up with me. Because right in front of you, I silently made a promise that I won’t hurt the next person I am going to love. I was really prepared to change my self. But I’ve fallen in love with you while I was busy changing my self for the better. I kept coming back to you because I want to be with your. All the time.”

“But when we saw Baekhyun again, I remembered why I wanted to change my self so badly. I was afraid I’d end up hurting you. I was afraid. I’d do anything to protect you. That’s why I’m trying to fight back my feelings for you. That’s why I’m pushing you away.” Luhan ended then stood up quietly, leaving the table.

The moment Luhan left his table was the moment Sehun’s tears started to fall endless from his eyes, down to his cheeks. He didn’t know what to feel. Should he be happy? Luhan loved him. Should he be hurting? Luhan chose to push him away. He just continued crying, not minding if people saw him. He was angry but deeply troubled as he wept. He was under a heavy burden; he was distressed. Yet his heart was overflowing with compassion and filled it with joy. He will never let go of these feelings. The feeling of being in love.”

He now wiped his wet cheeks and stared outside through the glass as rain was heavily falling. He felt his heartbeats again and he now know what it was for  - just like the first time Luhan held his hand, he still couldn’t get rid of the feelings. He looked at Luhan from outside that was letting his self get soaked by the heavy rain, making his way lazily to his car.

He sighed and started typing on his laptop.

He loved him. And yet he pushed him away and let him go. What a fool.

He then took his coffee from his side and sipped from it. All he could taste was the bitterness of the coffee and he hated how his tears started falling again…

☆彡

- Bitter Coffee because the bitterness he tasted in the ending was like the bitterness he felt deep inside.
- Inspired by Baxter Saavedra book.
- Long because crappy and boring and I am deeply sorry. Sorry if there are typos as well. Lazy to re-read... ;;
- Thank you for reading! ♥