tvxq: what's a wonderwall anyway?
what's a wonderwall anyway?
jaejoong/yoochun. 1,080w.
for di, prompt: atonement.
1.
Yoochun has a scar on his left leg. It's three inches under his knee, the length of a child's pinky, the color of old ghosts that follow people instead of places. The skin around it turns pink for a few minutes after every shower, so it looks burned into him by the water. Yoochun isn't someone who'd hide it with concealer or clothes, only one more excuse and a dime-a-dozen smile. He's clumsy sometimes.
Jaejoong has a fading bruise on his upper right arm, halfway to his elbow, from last week when he tried to kiss Yoochun hello as he was getting dressed. Yoochun's back was narrow and pale, and Jaejoong thought of paper and everything that came with it, all the cuts and cranes. His mouth touched Yoochun's shoulder where wings would be, and Yoochun spun around and hit him.
Jaejoong used to count the number of times on his fingers; now he just tries to remember which ones aren't his fault. "Stop," he said later, when Yoochun won't stop apologizing. He thumbed under Yoochun's eyes and said, "It's okay, it doesn't hurt or anything." He wore long sleeves so Yoochun wouldn't have to look.
This one was his fault, forgetting to say, "Good morning, it's me."
2.
When Jaejoong was a kid, a scruffy street dog followed him home. She was hungry and sweet, eyes bright with sickness. Half of her left ear had been torn off, and her stomach was missing a patch of black fur. Jaejoong kept her in his room. He stole food from the kitchen, cleaned up after her, and gave her his old toddler toys to play with. She died six days later, curled up in a pile of his laundry like all she'd done was fall asleep trying to get warm.
Jaejoong takes Yoochun out for ice-skating and coffee, their numb fingers touching around a paper cup or fighting for space inside each other's hoodie pockets. He makes pasta for dinner and they eat out of a shared bowl, answering Are You A Flirt? quizzes from magazines. Yoochun still keeps his eyes open when they kiss sometimes. Or when they fuck on the couch, always face to face.
Yoochun's not a stray, something to bandage up and take in, someone Jaejoong thinks he can fix. Because Jaejoong's done that before, ended up with backyard burial dirt on his bitten nails and all under his eyes, and he doesn't want to do it again.
3.
Every two weeks they split a frozen yogurt, sitting on top of the laundromat washers with the daily newspaper. Jaejoong gets all the blackberries while Yoochun takes the mango. He swings his legs as they talk, reading the daily horoscope for Gemini. "Your life will change for the better."
"Am I finally getting a pony?" Yoochun asks, sucking the cream off of his spoon.
"Just wait for Christmas, okay?" Jaejoong continues, after Yoochun feeds him a mouthful of granola: "It's a good time to take a chance on love."
"Really?"
"Really. Today you will have earth-shattering sex with the person sitting on your left."
The washer buzzes. Yoochun laughs as he jumps down to throw their clothes into the dryer, shaking his ass for Jaejoong's benefit.
Jaejoong mouths when Yoochun's back is turned: Your life will change for the better. He'd buy the pony, if Yoochun asked. Anything Yoochun wants, whatever that requires Jaejoong to be--the best friend, boyfriend, roommate, rescuer. The place where you can slide down the door and look around and feel safe to hear, welcome back.
4.
They make out in the bedroom of their small apartment. There's mold on the ceiling that makes Yoochun's asthma act up, and their neighbors fight every Friday a.m. The hot water runs out too fast. Jaejoong listens to the heater and the sidewalk traffic below and continues to believe the world's going to wait up for them.
Yoochun's knees are folded against Jaejoong's waist and his hands twist in Jaejoong's hair. This one is Jaejoong's fault again, thinking it's okay to slide his palm up Yoochun's jeans while he sucks on Yoochun's tongue. He traces Yoochun's calf muscle with his thumb. In five seconds Yoochun's pushing him away, backing up into the headboard, and Jaejoong can't say it's okay, it doesn't hurt, because it hurts and it's not fucking okay.
Yoochun is silent. Jaejoong inhales, very steadily, and says, "Yoochun."
Yoochun's hands curl around the bedsheets. Jaejoong doesn't reach for them yet. "Look at me," he says. Yoochun's eyes are dark and faraway; his mouth panic red. Jaejoong measures every inch he moves forward.
"Look," he says. "It's just me."
Yoochun makes a small, harsh noise as he breathes. A hand comes up to fist into Jaejoong's shirt. Jaejoong's finally brave enough to touch Yoochun's shoulder, neck, cheek. "It's me," he says. "Come back."
Heater, sidewalk traffic. Someone's playing acoustic guitar under their window. Shouting next door. Jaejoong closes his eyes. He kisses Yoochun's mouth lightly until he feels Yoochun swallow and say: "Jaejoong."
5.
The public bus runs all the way to the ocean. They take two seats in the back and thumb wrestle until Yoochun falls asleep against Jaejoong's shoulder. Jaejoong spends the rest of the ride unable to let go of Yoochun's hand.
The beach is chilly this late in the year. Jaejoong walks the empty shoreline, a smear of black against the sand in his long jacket. He stays dry for a few minutes before Yoochun's arms circle his waist and pull him into the next crash of waves around their knees. They listen to seashells and kick foam at each other. The sky is gray and cloudless. All the color has swarmed into Yoochun today.
Jaejoong's jeans and socks are soaked. He uses a skinny piece of driftwood to draw shapes in the beach. Yoochun's still running after the water. Jaejoong writes, word by word for the tide to erase: Let's take a train to the last stop. Let's go away to somewhere exotic. Let's stay here and make stupid promises while I think about how to be a home for you.
Yoochun is standing in the ocean where the water rolls around his thighs, washing against him until his body's untouched and alive. When he turns around to see Jaejoong watching, he reaches an arm out to him, like an offer of clean slates and monsters on hold and everything else no one can actually offer. Jaejoong still follows.
jaejoong/yoochun. 1,080w.
for di, prompt: atonement.
1.
Yoochun has a scar on his left leg. It's three inches under his knee, the length of a child's pinky, the color of old ghosts that follow people instead of places. The skin around it turns pink for a few minutes after every shower, so it looks burned into him by the water. Yoochun isn't someone who'd hide it with concealer or clothes, only one more excuse and a dime-a-dozen smile. He's clumsy sometimes.
Jaejoong has a fading bruise on his upper right arm, halfway to his elbow, from last week when he tried to kiss Yoochun hello as he was getting dressed. Yoochun's back was narrow and pale, and Jaejoong thought of paper and everything that came with it, all the cuts and cranes. His mouth touched Yoochun's shoulder where wings would be, and Yoochun spun around and hit him.
Jaejoong used to count the number of times on his fingers; now he just tries to remember which ones aren't his fault. "Stop," he said later, when Yoochun won't stop apologizing. He thumbed under Yoochun's eyes and said, "It's okay, it doesn't hurt or anything." He wore long sleeves so Yoochun wouldn't have to look.
This one was his fault, forgetting to say, "Good morning, it's me."
2.
When Jaejoong was a kid, a scruffy street dog followed him home. She was hungry and sweet, eyes bright with sickness. Half of her left ear had been torn off, and her stomach was missing a patch of black fur. Jaejoong kept her in his room. He stole food from the kitchen, cleaned up after her, and gave her his old toddler toys to play with. She died six days later, curled up in a pile of his laundry like all she'd done was fall asleep trying to get warm.
Jaejoong takes Yoochun out for ice-skating and coffee, their numb fingers touching around a paper cup or fighting for space inside each other's hoodie pockets. He makes pasta for dinner and they eat out of a shared bowl, answering Are You A Flirt? quizzes from magazines. Yoochun still keeps his eyes open when they kiss sometimes. Or when they fuck on the couch, always face to face.
Yoochun's not a stray, something to bandage up and take in, someone Jaejoong thinks he can fix. Because Jaejoong's done that before, ended up with backyard burial dirt on his bitten nails and all under his eyes, and he doesn't want to do it again.
3.
Every two weeks they split a frozen yogurt, sitting on top of the laundromat washers with the daily newspaper. Jaejoong gets all the blackberries while Yoochun takes the mango. He swings his legs as they talk, reading the daily horoscope for Gemini. "Your life will change for the better."
"Am I finally getting a pony?" Yoochun asks, sucking the cream off of his spoon.
"Just wait for Christmas, okay?" Jaejoong continues, after Yoochun feeds him a mouthful of granola: "It's a good time to take a chance on love."
"Really?"
"Really. Today you will have earth-shattering sex with the person sitting on your left."
The washer buzzes. Yoochun laughs as he jumps down to throw their clothes into the dryer, shaking his ass for Jaejoong's benefit.
Jaejoong mouths when Yoochun's back is turned: Your life will change for the better. He'd buy the pony, if Yoochun asked. Anything Yoochun wants, whatever that requires Jaejoong to be--the best friend, boyfriend, roommate, rescuer. The place where you can slide down the door and look around and feel safe to hear, welcome back.
4.
They make out in the bedroom of their small apartment. There's mold on the ceiling that makes Yoochun's asthma act up, and their neighbors fight every Friday a.m. The hot water runs out too fast. Jaejoong listens to the heater and the sidewalk traffic below and continues to believe the world's going to wait up for them.
Yoochun's knees are folded against Jaejoong's waist and his hands twist in Jaejoong's hair. This one is Jaejoong's fault again, thinking it's okay to slide his palm up Yoochun's jeans while he sucks on Yoochun's tongue. He traces Yoochun's calf muscle with his thumb. In five seconds Yoochun's pushing him away, backing up into the headboard, and Jaejoong can't say it's okay, it doesn't hurt, because it hurts and it's not fucking okay.
Yoochun is silent. Jaejoong inhales, very steadily, and says, "Yoochun."
Yoochun's hands curl around the bedsheets. Jaejoong doesn't reach for them yet. "Look at me," he says. Yoochun's eyes are dark and faraway; his mouth panic red. Jaejoong measures every inch he moves forward.
"Look," he says. "It's just me."
Yoochun makes a small, harsh noise as he breathes. A hand comes up to fist into Jaejoong's shirt. Jaejoong's finally brave enough to touch Yoochun's shoulder, neck, cheek. "It's me," he says. "Come back."
Heater, sidewalk traffic. Someone's playing acoustic guitar under their window. Shouting next door. Jaejoong closes his eyes. He kisses Yoochun's mouth lightly until he feels Yoochun swallow and say: "Jaejoong."
5.
The public bus runs all the way to the ocean. They take two seats in the back and thumb wrestle until Yoochun falls asleep against Jaejoong's shoulder. Jaejoong spends the rest of the ride unable to let go of Yoochun's hand.
The beach is chilly this late in the year. Jaejoong walks the empty shoreline, a smear of black against the sand in his long jacket. He stays dry for a few minutes before Yoochun's arms circle his waist and pull him into the next crash of waves around their knees. They listen to seashells and kick foam at each other. The sky is gray and cloudless. All the color has swarmed into Yoochun today.
Jaejoong's jeans and socks are soaked. He uses a skinny piece of driftwood to draw shapes in the beach. Yoochun's still running after the water. Jaejoong writes, word by word for the tide to erase: Let's take a train to the last stop. Let's go away to somewhere exotic. Let's stay here and make stupid promises while I think about how to be a home for you.
Yoochun is standing in the ocean where the water rolls around his thighs, washing against him until his body's untouched and alive. When he turns around to see Jaejoong watching, he reaches an arm out to him, like an offer of clean slates and monsters on hold and everything else no one can actually offer. Jaejoong still follows.