Random Insight
I called Amanda to verify plans. And yet again, another person has changed plans with out having the decency to call. I have to call to find out that what I expected isn't happening.
I admire how Nic Kelman can write. I just finished reading his book "girls" last night.
Why did you decide ceasing to tolerate our lovers was a better course of action than simply taking your own?
"'They sat down on the ground and lamented and tore their hair out, but there came no advantage to them for all their sorrowing.'"
-Odyssey 10:567
Somewhere, sometime, somehow you lose something or see something lost.
If you are lucky it was when you were young. If you are lucky you saw your parents divorced. If you are lukcy your high school girlfriend died in a car crash. If you are lucky you saw your little sister lose the use of her legs because your family couldn't afford the right health care.
If you are unlucky, it will happen when you are older. If you are unlucky you will see your son lose his place at the college of his choice to the child of a man richer than you, rich enough to donate some new lab equipment. If you are unlucky your wife of thirty-seven years will develop bipolar disorder and have to be hospitalized after you come home from work and find she has opened her wrists with an electric meat carver. If you are unlucky you will lose your job after twenty-two years of service and will be too old to find another.
If you are unlucky you will realize too late that the way you thought the world worked was just an illusion. If you are unlucky you will become afraid too late.
But if you are lucky you will become afraid when you are young, afraid of the unexpected changing your life for the worse and not having enough power to set things back the way you wanted them to be.
And then, if you are lucky, you will pursue power from that day forth. You will lead armies into Gaul, you will take on a colony in a new world, you will acquire money, you will only maintain relationships where you have the upper hand, only stay in jobs that can eventually lead to you being the one in charge. And you will do this because if you are lucky you will know that power means you don't have to be afraid. Power means you can do what you want when you want to. Power means you can have what you want when you want it.
If you are lucky, you will do this because you will know it is really Power taht is worth any sacrifice, that it is really Power without which you can't live, that it is really Power without which you can only eat and breathe and sleep and shit and sometimes not even that. You will do this because if you are lucky you will know that when we say we'd die for Liberty we're really saying we'd die for Power.
Except that in the pursuit of Power one of the things you will have to sacrifice will be the ability to enjoy the thing you lost or saw lost.
So even if you reach that point where you aren't afraid anymore, that point where you can relax, that point where you are free, that point you never reach, even if you reach that point, you will realize you weren't so lucky after all.
Yet, you wonder, who can say they've never been lucky?
And when we were children, why did we look up four-letter words in the dictionary? Did we think the words could tell us what the things were like?
And yet, you remind yourself, the horn had been the best part of your bicycle. Your parents had given you the bike but you had bought the horn with money you'd made stripping paint off a house two blocks away.
A mother catches you looking at her daughter. She scowls, she knows what you are thinking because she knows what her husband is thinking when he looks at his daughter's friends. Yet she scowls more when she sees her daughter returning the gaze.
One out of every two marriages ends in divorce. Four out of five spouses admit to cheating on their partner - we dont' know how many of the reamaining 20 percent are simply not admitting it.
"I don't hate you for being able to give your wife something my wife wants because I know your wife wants things you can't give her."
The global sex slave trade grosses more annually than the global drug trade.
"'Even as Thoibos Apollo is taking away my Chryseis...I shall take the fair-cheeked Briseis, your prize...that you may learn well how much greater I am than you...'" -Agamemnom to Achilles, Iliad 1:182
"Sing, goddess, the anger of Peleus' son Achilleus and its devestation, which put pains thousandfold upon the Achians..." - Iliad 1:1
"To me you are the most hateful of all the kings the gods love. Forever quarrelling is dear to your heart, and wars and battles; and if you are very strong indeed, that is a god's gift." -Agamemnon to Achilles, Iliad 1:176
When did the embassy succeed with us? When did we take up our shields in spite of our rage?
And when did that which was offered disfigure us? How does glory make us rot? How does something we cannot touch, or see, or even define, do so much damage, make us so miserable?
How did we get so ugly?
I admire how Nic Kelman can write. I just finished reading his book "girls" last night.
Why did you decide ceasing to tolerate our lovers was a better course of action than simply taking your own?
"'They sat down on the ground and lamented and tore their hair out, but there came no advantage to them for all their sorrowing.'"
-Odyssey 10:567
Somewhere, sometime, somehow you lose something or see something lost.
If you are lucky it was when you were young. If you are lucky you saw your parents divorced. If you are lukcy your high school girlfriend died in a car crash. If you are lucky you saw your little sister lose the use of her legs because your family couldn't afford the right health care.
If you are unlucky, it will happen when you are older. If you are unlucky you will see your son lose his place at the college of his choice to the child of a man richer than you, rich enough to donate some new lab equipment. If you are unlucky your wife of thirty-seven years will develop bipolar disorder and have to be hospitalized after you come home from work and find she has opened her wrists with an electric meat carver. If you are unlucky you will lose your job after twenty-two years of service and will be too old to find another.
If you are unlucky you will realize too late that the way you thought the world worked was just an illusion. If you are unlucky you will become afraid too late.
But if you are lucky you will become afraid when you are young, afraid of the unexpected changing your life for the worse and not having enough power to set things back the way you wanted them to be.
And then, if you are lucky, you will pursue power from that day forth. You will lead armies into Gaul, you will take on a colony in a new world, you will acquire money, you will only maintain relationships where you have the upper hand, only stay in jobs that can eventually lead to you being the one in charge. And you will do this because if you are lucky you will know that power means you don't have to be afraid. Power means you can do what you want when you want to. Power means you can have what you want when you want it.
If you are lucky, you will do this because you will know it is really Power taht is worth any sacrifice, that it is really Power without which you can't live, that it is really Power without which you can only eat and breathe and sleep and shit and sometimes not even that. You will do this because if you are lucky you will know that when we say we'd die for Liberty we're really saying we'd die for Power.
Except that in the pursuit of Power one of the things you will have to sacrifice will be the ability to enjoy the thing you lost or saw lost.
So even if you reach that point where you aren't afraid anymore, that point where you can relax, that point where you are free, that point you never reach, even if you reach that point, you will realize you weren't so lucky after all.
Yet, you wonder, who can say they've never been lucky?
And when we were children, why did we look up four-letter words in the dictionary? Did we think the words could tell us what the things were like?
And yet, you remind yourself, the horn had been the best part of your bicycle. Your parents had given you the bike but you had bought the horn with money you'd made stripping paint off a house two blocks away.
A mother catches you looking at her daughter. She scowls, she knows what you are thinking because she knows what her husband is thinking when he looks at his daughter's friends. Yet she scowls more when she sees her daughter returning the gaze.
One out of every two marriages ends in divorce. Four out of five spouses admit to cheating on their partner - we dont' know how many of the reamaining 20 percent are simply not admitting it.
"I don't hate you for being able to give your wife something my wife wants because I know your wife wants things you can't give her."
The global sex slave trade grosses more annually than the global drug trade.
"'Even as Thoibos Apollo is taking away my Chryseis...I shall take the fair-cheeked Briseis, your prize...that you may learn well how much greater I am than you...'" -Agamemnom to Achilles, Iliad 1:182
"Sing, goddess, the anger of Peleus' son Achilleus and its devestation, which put pains thousandfold upon the Achians..." - Iliad 1:1
"To me you are the most hateful of all the kings the gods love. Forever quarrelling is dear to your heart, and wars and battles; and if you are very strong indeed, that is a god's gift." -Agamemnon to Achilles, Iliad 1:176
When did the embassy succeed with us? When did we take up our shields in spite of our rage?
And when did that which was offered disfigure us? How does glory make us rot? How does something we cannot touch, or see, or even define, do so much damage, make us so miserable?
How did we get so ugly?