(no subject)
"Barrow, Powers & Noble"
I wake up in the middle of the night saying this, seriously. and when Im at Mitchells I ask if I can send people to voicemail. We dont have voicemail at Mitchells.
I looked at Jareds journal. He thinks I think hes a bad guy, which is not the case at all. and apparently he never got that email I sent-maybe he doesnt use his gmail account? or its changed?...or who knows. I would resend it but obviously thatwouldnt do any good. I know I probably sound harsh in this journal-but really thats b/c I just write down the bad stuff. for whatever reason I dont write about how much I miss him or things like that. but in all reality-hes not a bad guy. he and I obviously werent meant for each other. thats fine. Im still dealing with it, but thats fine.
on to other bad news-I had a small breakdown yesterday. I feel like im getting depressed and I know Ive said before I should seek professional help, Im now seeing how true that is. will I get help? probably not. as bad as it sounds-I just dont have time to help myself, though oddly enough if I got help Id probably be better at managing my time and working through things, instead of laying on my bathroom floor crying to the point of vomiting and going through every failure in my life, and possible future failures. then Jen called while I was crying and I managed to pull myself together so I could talk to her for a few minutes. thankfully Ive been sick so I sounded sick instead of weepy. worst of all Im always complaining about the lack of true friendships, and when a friend calls I dont open up about whats going on. I just cover it up. like always. how are you supposed to have real relationships when you never open up to people? Im also scared to death of John finding out he has a crazy girlfriend. I can hide my crazy mother but I dont know how long I can hide the crazy me.
I hate calling businesses and trying to get information from them. though atleast today its justgetting their 401(k) info, not the email addresses of their CFO
I need to call Deah and see if we can get together so I can learn Hot Stuff. I tried getting it from the video I took and its just waaaay too fast for me to do, esp since I recorded it straight on-so I have to do the opposite and yea. way too confusing. I also need to see if she got the flyers printed out. there are a good handful of customers that I keep promising to get information to
well, I guess I need to call Rooms To Go back. I wish these were public companies-then I could just get their info online through their SEC filings.
::sigh:: Im still tired from being sick and I just want to sleep-but tonight I *must must must* get the apartment clean. Reigen will be staying with me this weekend(thanks mom for that last minute but of info, not that I had plans to go out of town on my one whole weekend off or anything) so I have to go out and get a crate(thanks again for this last minute purchase of about $80flippindollars that I had not budgeted for this week) and then obviously have the place organized so the crate has a place to go and there arent things laying about for the puppy to get-though shes pretty good about not chewing on non-toy things.
ok, yea, time to go back to work.
*x*x*
I wake up in the middle of the night saying this, seriously. and when Im at Mitchells I ask if I can send people to voicemail. We dont have voicemail at Mitchells.
I looked at Jareds journal. He thinks I think hes a bad guy, which is not the case at all. and apparently he never got that email I sent-maybe he doesnt use his gmail account? or its changed?...or who knows. I would resend it but obviously thatwouldnt do any good. I know I probably sound harsh in this journal-but really thats b/c I just write down the bad stuff. for whatever reason I dont write about how much I miss him or things like that. but in all reality-hes not a bad guy. he and I obviously werent meant for each other. thats fine. Im still dealing with it, but thats fine.
on to other bad news-I had a small breakdown yesterday. I feel like im getting depressed and I know Ive said before I should seek professional help, Im now seeing how true that is. will I get help? probably not. as bad as it sounds-I just dont have time to help myself, though oddly enough if I got help Id probably be better at managing my time and working through things, instead of laying on my bathroom floor crying to the point of vomiting and going through every failure in my life, and possible future failures. then Jen called while I was crying and I managed to pull myself together so I could talk to her for a few minutes. thankfully Ive been sick so I sounded sick instead of weepy. worst of all Im always complaining about the lack of true friendships, and when a friend calls I dont open up about whats going on. I just cover it up. like always. how are you supposed to have real relationships when you never open up to people? Im also scared to death of John finding out he has a crazy girlfriend. I can hide my crazy mother but I dont know how long I can hide the crazy me.
I hate calling businesses and trying to get information from them. though atleast today its justgetting their 401(k) info, not the email addresses of their CFO
I need to call Deah and see if we can get together so I can learn Hot Stuff. I tried getting it from the video I took and its just waaaay too fast for me to do, esp since I recorded it straight on-so I have to do the opposite and yea. way too confusing. I also need to see if she got the flyers printed out. there are a good handful of customers that I keep promising to get information to
well, I guess I need to call Rooms To Go back. I wish these were public companies-then I could just get their info online through their SEC filings.
::sigh:: Im still tired from being sick and I just want to sleep-but tonight I *must must must* get the apartment clean. Reigen will be staying with me this weekend(thanks mom for that last minute but of info, not that I had plans to go out of town on my one whole weekend off or anything) so I have to go out and get a crate(thanks again for this last minute purchase of about $80flippindollars that I had not budgeted for this week) and then obviously have the place organized so the crate has a place to go and there arent things laying about for the puppy to get-though shes pretty good about not chewing on non-toy things.
ok, yea, time to go back to work.
*x*x*