Suck the leathery cock of un-fame
I don't know how long this link will remain live, but for the moment I will use Alyssa Milano to illustrate everything I hate about Los Angeles. Don't worry, if the link goes dead, it will only take me a few picoseconds to locate another illustration.
Yes, look at her, seen here in a film still from Dickie Whatever Blah Child Whatever. Whateverr. Tan, thin, disproportionate boobs, irritatingly clichéd tattoo on her wrist, and a FUCKING COWBOY HAT. I can't see her hoop earrings, but I can guarantee they're close by, probably in that giant circular suitcase -- her giant hoop earring suitcase, right? This is Milano as Sheryl Crow, by which I mean one facet of the L.A. Woman trichotomy: Sheryl, Marilyn, and... oh, I don't know. Maybe David Geffen. There are only Maidens and Mothers, because no Crones are allowed, but Sheryl Crow(ne) is the closest you get: leathery, world-weary, hungover, and STILL gonna fall for every drunken scumbag with a pair of shades and a car. WHICH IS EVERYBODY.
There are only two things L.A. has over, oh let's say New York: 1) sweat evaporates faster, and 2) In 'N' Out Burger. That's it. Therefore, everyone in L.A. is an idiot. Actors are stupid! Stupid and ignorant! Oh!
Viz last night we caught this new show called The Joe Schmo Show which is fucking genius squared, especially if you're a fan of Survivor, which, yes, shut up, but I am. Shut it. TJSS is fake, and all for the benefit of this one guy, and even though the fake "contestants" are supposed to represent these diverse reality show types from all over America (schemer, asshole, bitch), they are all still Los Angeles fucktards. Talking earnestly about how hard it is to fool an idiot all the time. Talking about their "craft!" Not kidding! Glaaargle Fuck! Take your craft and wrap it around Hollywood's fat johnson, you airbrushed nincompoops! Thalia and Melpomene are not skin-care products! Why doesn't anyone ever acknowledge that "hummer" is slang for a blowjob? Everyone knows this! AAARGH.
ALSO: Will somebody please send me a pithy quote about the unbridgeable gulf between ideation and execution? Because this post, like every other one, existed in my head as a coherent, Swiftian romp, and then look what happened:a fetid puddle of rambling, ADDlebrained garbage.
Yes, look at her, seen here in a film still from Dickie Whatever Blah Child Whatever. Whateverr. Tan, thin, disproportionate boobs, irritatingly clichéd tattoo on her wrist, and a FUCKING COWBOY HAT. I can't see her hoop earrings, but I can guarantee they're close by, probably in that giant circular suitcase -- her giant hoop earring suitcase, right? This is Milano as Sheryl Crow, by which I mean one facet of the L.A. Woman trichotomy: Sheryl, Marilyn, and... oh, I don't know. Maybe David Geffen. There are only Maidens and Mothers, because no Crones are allowed, but Sheryl Crow(ne) is the closest you get: leathery, world-weary, hungover, and STILL gonna fall for every drunken scumbag with a pair of shades and a car. WHICH IS EVERYBODY.
There are only two things L.A. has over, oh let's say New York: 1) sweat evaporates faster, and 2) In 'N' Out Burger. That's it. Therefore, everyone in L.A. is an idiot. Actors are stupid! Stupid and ignorant! Oh!
Viz last night we caught this new show called The Joe Schmo Show which is fucking genius squared, especially if you're a fan of Survivor, which, yes, shut up, but I am. Shut it. TJSS is fake, and all for the benefit of this one guy, and even though the fake "contestants" are supposed to represent these diverse reality show types from all over America (schemer, asshole, bitch), they are all still Los Angeles fucktards. Talking earnestly about how hard it is to fool an idiot all the time. Talking about their "craft!" Not kidding! Glaaargle Fuck! Take your craft and wrap it around Hollywood's fat johnson, you airbrushed nincompoops! Thalia and Melpomene are not skin-care products! Why doesn't anyone ever acknowledge that "hummer" is slang for a blowjob? Everyone knows this! AAARGH.
ALSO: Will somebody please send me a pithy quote about the unbridgeable gulf between ideation and execution? Because this post, like every other one, existed in my head as a coherent, Swiftian romp, and then look what happened:a fetid puddle of rambling, ADDlebrained garbage.