drabble exchange (although yeah, this is NOT a drabble, at all.)
title: there (s)he goes
pairing: cristiano/wayne
prompt: for rizzyr who wanted wayne/cris and lots of crack.
note: stephhh! sorry this took so long. i hope this is crack-y enough for you? it might be a little weird and just out there, but i just really wanted to write it. hope you like it! ♥ and to hiro_chan, i promise to get yours done soon!
there (s)he goes
Wayne’s been in many interesting situations in his life. There was the time when he was maybe seven or eight when he was scared shitless by his neighbour (not on purpose, either) that he pissed his trousers. And the time his mates insisted they slide down a giant slope near his home. It was just his luck that he slid straight into a tree, and he couldn’t walk right for a good three days. Needless to say, Wayne’s always expected the unexpected.
But even he would’ve never seen this coming.
:::
“Wayne. What are we going to do?”
He’s been racking his brain for the past hour. Actually, most of the time he’s just been staring at Cristiano. Or well, no one would really know it was him, since he didn’t look quite like how he normally would. He was a good six inches shorter now, with slender hips and a busty chest. Cristiano was a girl. And really, it’s not like he wasn’t one before, because he was. He just didn’t have the entire figure down. Yet.
“Wayne!”
“Okay,” he reasons. “Obviously, this is a problem.”
Cristiano glares at him, “Obviously.”
“This,” Wayne waves a hand, gesturing at Cristiano‘s entirely new body, “isn’t my fault, alright?”
“Yes, of course not. It’s mine. How silly of me.”
“What are you? PMSing?”
“I. Am. Not. A. Girl.”
Wayne takes a step closer to him. He’s been pretty good and kept a good distance between them since Cristiano barged into his house, wailing and crying. “Really?” he asks, quickly poking at a breast. “’Cause those prove otherwise.”
:::
Since they had a match in two days, Cristiano really didn’t want to stay at home, even though Wayne insisted he should.
“What are the lads going to say?”
Cristiano shrugs, unfazed, “That I’m beautiful?”
Okay, so he is. But that’s not the point. The point is he can’t come. He just can’t.
:::
If anyone asks, her name’s Gianna. They had a whole argument in the car before walking into Carrington because Cristiano couldn’t come up with a girl name that he liked.
“Honestly. If you would’ve just gone with what I first suggested - Cristina - we would’ve been inside maybe an hour ago.”
“But I don’t like that name. It’s so … boring.”
Wayne rubs at his temple. He wants to bang his head against the steering wheel until his brain dies. Or until he can’t hear Cristiano listing names off into thin air, trying out how they sound on his lips.
By some miracle, he comes across the name Gianna, and finally concludes that it’s not boring.
:::
When they walk into the locker room, Cristiano’s got an arm looped with Wayne’s. No one really notices that there’s a girl in there for at least two minutes. But then Rio looks up from his conversation with Vida and just stares. He nudges Vida, and they both stare. And it’s like a thing that guys do or something because Vida nudges Michael who nudges Darren who nudges Gary, until everyone’s staring.
Wayne can feel all their eyes boring into the back of his head, probably forming a bald spot. But he doesn’t turn around. Instead, he places a protective hand on Cristiano’s narrow back.
“Do we have cheerleaders now, like they have in America?” Darren whispers to Ryan, except for the fact that whispering doesn’t exactly mean the same thing to him, so everyone hears.
Rio slings a towel over his shoulder, and leans against the wall. “Wazza,” he nods, “Who’s the pretty girl? And why haven’t you introduced us yet?”
“Gianna,” Cristiano grins, holding out a small hand. “And I’m not interested.”
“No one ever is,” Paul adds.
“Unless they’re drunk,” Gary laughs. “Or blind.”
“Or Vida.”
:::
Wayne doesn’t let Cristiano out of his sight. He managed to convince Sir Alex that there was some kind of emergency with Cristiano and he couldn’t make it to practice. And that Gianna was Cristiano’s cousin who unexpectedly flew in from Portugal and wanted to tour Carrington and be in the presence of a legend such as himself. It worked. Wayne’s not sure how, but whatever, he’ll take it.
“Okay,” Wayne orders, “just sit right here.”
“On the grass?” Cristiano shakes his head, disapproving.
“What? What the fuck’s wrong with the grass?”
Cristiano crosses his arms over his chest. And Wayne momentarily can’t stop staring at the way his (her?) breasts pop out a bit. “It’s wet, you git.”
“Well, what do you want me to do? I don’t exactly have time to hold a fuckin’ blow dryer to it and wait ‘til it dries.”
“Hey, hey, hey,” Ryan jogs over, retrieving a ball. “There a problem?” He looks from Cristiano to Wayne then back to Cristiano. “Well?”
“Nothing.”
“Wayne wants me to sit. On the grass.”
“But it’s damp,” Ryan says, looking at Wayne.
“That’s what I said!”
Wayne rolls his eyes, “You know what? Fine. Fine. Whatever.” He removes the sweater he’s wearing, and lays it out on the ground. Then pointedly looks at Cristiano, “Happy now?”
“Yes,” he smiles, and sits down not-so-lady-like.
“And close your fuckin’ legs, will you?” Wayne bends down and carefully pulls Cristiano’s soft, slender legs one over another. And when Cristiano giggles, asks, “What?”
“Nothing. Go train.”
:::
When Wayne goes to play keeper for a little scrimmage with a few of the lads, he makes sure to always have an eye on Cristiano (who looks like he’s about to die from boredom, picking at the grass). But there’s only so much Cristiano can take, and before Wayne realizes it, he’s flirting with Hargreaves. And Wayne’s not jealous. Not really, at least, he tells himself. But he accidentally kicks the football with too much force right into Darren’s face.
“Jesus Christ, Wazza!”
“Wha--What? Oh, Fletch. I’m sorry, mate. I’m sorry!”
Paul slaps Darren’s back, which was supposed to be in a supportive kind of way, but Darren almost loses his balance, “No worries, Fletch. It’s not like you were good lookin’ anyways.”
“You okay, mate?” Wayne asks, but all the while he’s shooting daggers Cristiano’s way. “You know what? I’ll be back. Just. You’re okay right? Okay, good. I’m sorry, again. I’ll be… I’ll be just a second.”
He’s not really sure what he’s going to say when he does walk up to them because what is he supposed to care? All anyone knows is that Gianna’s Cristiano’s cousin, and Wayne really shouldn’t care because it’s not like he’s dating her or anything. Okay, well. Yeah. So this might look a little strange.
Wayne casually slings an arm around Cristiano’s shoulder. And it’s really weird that Cristiano has to look up at him now, but whatever. “You’re not bored, are you?”
“No,” Cristiano says, curiously. “Owen’s keeping me company. Why?”
Wayne makes a show of seemingly not seeing Owen there, which is impossible because his curls are everywhere, and how the fuck could anyone miss those? “Oh, hey Owen,” he smiles tightly. “This is Gianna ---”
“I know,” Owen laughs, looking at Cristiano. His eyes twinkle, or something corny like that. And Wayne clenches his fingers together. “Yeah, well. I’m gonna go. It’s nice meeting you, Gianna.” He gives Cristiano a smile, and brushes a hand on his arm. And Wayne’s pretty sure he like playfully pinched her or something. Then, to Wayne, “Later Waz.”
When Owen’s walks away, and spares them another glance, Wayne pulls Cristiano closer against his chest.
“My boobs are going to pop if you don’t stop,” Cristiano complains, but he’s enjoying this.
“They’re probably fake, anyways.”
:::
Wayne doesn’t let Cristiano in the locker room when they shower and change and all that. It’s stupid, really, because Cristiano’s seen everyone naked, but Gianna hasn’t. And besides, Wayne doesn’t want to know all the perverted things Rio would say and do in such situations. So he tells him to stand outside in the hallway. And makes Cristiano put on his sweater, so he doesn’t get cold.
When Wayne finally gets out, a duffel bag slung over his shoulders, Rio’s hitting on Cristiano. But before Wayne can get to him, Vida does, slapping his head repeatedly.
“Ow. God fucking damnit, Vida. Is it a crime to talk to a pretty lady?”
“In my country, it is.”
Rio tries not to sway, but it’s kind of difficult, “You’re a liar.”
“So?”
“I didn’t say that was a bad thing,” Rio saves, and follows Vida out into the car park. “You’re still giving me a ride home, yeah? You’re not mad, are you? Vida?”
Wayne holds out a hand to Cristiano, and he takes it. His hand’s smooth and tiny in Wayne’s, and Wayne kind of misses everything about Cristiano.
“Ready?”
“Yup.”
:::
“What if I never change back?”
They’re lying on Cristiano’s bed, staring at the ceiling.
“Then, I don’t know. We’re gonna have to buy you some new wardrobe. Oh. Wait.”
Cristiano slaps at his stomach, “Be serious.”
“I really don’t know,” Wayne shrugs. “But we’ll work it out.”
“Especially your jealousy.”
“What? What are you fuckin’ talking about? What jealousy?”
“Don’t be thick.”
Wayne turns his head, “I’m not thick. I don‘t get jealous.”
“Nevermind, then,” Cristiano laughs. And after a moment, sighs, “It’s nice, though.”
“Being a girl? Oh I know. The last time I had to change back into a boy, I cried my eyes out.”
Cristiano rolls his eyes, “It’s nice - you, I don’t know. Protecting me?”
“It’s what I always do.”
There’s a pause where Cristiano thinks, “Yeah. You do. I guess I never really noticed.”
“It’s not like I had a sign or whatever announcing it.”
“Shut up.” And Cristiano rolls on top of Wayne, settling between his legs. “Just. Shut up.”
“Okay.”
And Cristiano kisses him. And it’s weird, because they’re not Cristiano’s lips. They’re much more plump and soft, not chapped and thin. But Wayne pushes that thought aside, and just imagines that it is.
:::
Sometime that night, Wayne wakes up and there isn’t a small body tucked against him, anymore. He smiles, and presses his face into Cristiano’s neck. Even though it’s really only been less than a day, he’s missed him.
pairing: cristiano/wayne
prompt: for rizzyr who wanted wayne/cris and lots of crack.
note: stephhh! sorry this took so long. i hope this is crack-y enough for you? it might be a little weird and just out there, but i just really wanted to write it. hope you like it! ♥ and to hiro_chan, i promise to get yours done soon!
there (s)he goes
Wayne’s been in many interesting situations in his life. There was the time when he was maybe seven or eight when he was scared shitless by his neighbour (not on purpose, either) that he pissed his trousers. And the time his mates insisted they slide down a giant slope near his home. It was just his luck that he slid straight into a tree, and he couldn’t walk right for a good three days. Needless to say, Wayne’s always expected the unexpected.
But even he would’ve never seen this coming.
:::
“Wayne. What are we going to do?”
He’s been racking his brain for the past hour. Actually, most of the time he’s just been staring at Cristiano. Or well, no one would really know it was him, since he didn’t look quite like how he normally would. He was a good six inches shorter now, with slender hips and a busty chest. Cristiano was a girl. And really, it’s not like he wasn’t one before, because he was. He just didn’t have the entire figure down. Yet.
“Wayne!”
“Okay,” he reasons. “Obviously, this is a problem.”
Cristiano glares at him, “Obviously.”
“This,” Wayne waves a hand, gesturing at Cristiano‘s entirely new body, “isn’t my fault, alright?”
“Yes, of course not. It’s mine. How silly of me.”
“What are you? PMSing?”
“I. Am. Not. A. Girl.”
Wayne takes a step closer to him. He’s been pretty good and kept a good distance between them since Cristiano barged into his house, wailing and crying. “Really?” he asks, quickly poking at a breast. “’Cause those prove otherwise.”
:::
Since they had a match in two days, Cristiano really didn’t want to stay at home, even though Wayne insisted he should.
“What are the lads going to say?”
Cristiano shrugs, unfazed, “That I’m beautiful?”
Okay, so he is. But that’s not the point. The point is he can’t come. He just can’t.
:::
If anyone asks, her name’s Gianna. They had a whole argument in the car before walking into Carrington because Cristiano couldn’t come up with a girl name that he liked.
“Honestly. If you would’ve just gone with what I first suggested - Cristina - we would’ve been inside maybe an hour ago.”
“But I don’t like that name. It’s so … boring.”
Wayne rubs at his temple. He wants to bang his head against the steering wheel until his brain dies. Or until he can’t hear Cristiano listing names off into thin air, trying out how they sound on his lips.
By some miracle, he comes across the name Gianna, and finally concludes that it’s not boring.
:::
When they walk into the locker room, Cristiano’s got an arm looped with Wayne’s. No one really notices that there’s a girl in there for at least two minutes. But then Rio looks up from his conversation with Vida and just stares. He nudges Vida, and they both stare. And it’s like a thing that guys do or something because Vida nudges Michael who nudges Darren who nudges Gary, until everyone’s staring.
Wayne can feel all their eyes boring into the back of his head, probably forming a bald spot. But he doesn’t turn around. Instead, he places a protective hand on Cristiano’s narrow back.
“Do we have cheerleaders now, like they have in America?” Darren whispers to Ryan, except for the fact that whispering doesn’t exactly mean the same thing to him, so everyone hears.
Rio slings a towel over his shoulder, and leans against the wall. “Wazza,” he nods, “Who’s the pretty girl? And why haven’t you introduced us yet?”
“Gianna,” Cristiano grins, holding out a small hand. “And I’m not interested.”
“No one ever is,” Paul adds.
“Unless they’re drunk,” Gary laughs. “Or blind.”
“Or Vida.”
:::
Wayne doesn’t let Cristiano out of his sight. He managed to convince Sir Alex that there was some kind of emergency with Cristiano and he couldn’t make it to practice. And that Gianna was Cristiano’s cousin who unexpectedly flew in from Portugal and wanted to tour Carrington and be in the presence of a legend such as himself. It worked. Wayne’s not sure how, but whatever, he’ll take it.
“Okay,” Wayne orders, “just sit right here.”
“On the grass?” Cristiano shakes his head, disapproving.
“What? What the fuck’s wrong with the grass?”
Cristiano crosses his arms over his chest. And Wayne momentarily can’t stop staring at the way his (her?) breasts pop out a bit. “It’s wet, you git.”
“Well, what do you want me to do? I don’t exactly have time to hold a fuckin’ blow dryer to it and wait ‘til it dries.”
“Hey, hey, hey,” Ryan jogs over, retrieving a ball. “There a problem?” He looks from Cristiano to Wayne then back to Cristiano. “Well?”
“Nothing.”
“Wayne wants me to sit. On the grass.”
“But it’s damp,” Ryan says, looking at Wayne.
“That’s what I said!”
Wayne rolls his eyes, “You know what? Fine. Fine. Whatever.” He removes the sweater he’s wearing, and lays it out on the ground. Then pointedly looks at Cristiano, “Happy now?”
“Yes,” he smiles, and sits down not-so-lady-like.
“And close your fuckin’ legs, will you?” Wayne bends down and carefully pulls Cristiano’s soft, slender legs one over another. And when Cristiano giggles, asks, “What?”
“Nothing. Go train.”
:::
When Wayne goes to play keeper for a little scrimmage with a few of the lads, he makes sure to always have an eye on Cristiano (who looks like he’s about to die from boredom, picking at the grass). But there’s only so much Cristiano can take, and before Wayne realizes it, he’s flirting with Hargreaves. And Wayne’s not jealous. Not really, at least, he tells himself. But he accidentally kicks the football with too much force right into Darren’s face.
“Jesus Christ, Wazza!”
“Wha--What? Oh, Fletch. I’m sorry, mate. I’m sorry!”
Paul slaps Darren’s back, which was supposed to be in a supportive kind of way, but Darren almost loses his balance, “No worries, Fletch. It’s not like you were good lookin’ anyways.”
“You okay, mate?” Wayne asks, but all the while he’s shooting daggers Cristiano’s way. “You know what? I’ll be back. Just. You’re okay right? Okay, good. I’m sorry, again. I’ll be… I’ll be just a second.”
He’s not really sure what he’s going to say when he does walk up to them because what is he supposed to care? All anyone knows is that Gianna’s Cristiano’s cousin, and Wayne really shouldn’t care because it’s not like he’s dating her or anything. Okay, well. Yeah. So this might look a little strange.
Wayne casually slings an arm around Cristiano’s shoulder. And it’s really weird that Cristiano has to look up at him now, but whatever. “You’re not bored, are you?”
“No,” Cristiano says, curiously. “Owen’s keeping me company. Why?”
Wayne makes a show of seemingly not seeing Owen there, which is impossible because his curls are everywhere, and how the fuck could anyone miss those? “Oh, hey Owen,” he smiles tightly. “This is Gianna ---”
“I know,” Owen laughs, looking at Cristiano. His eyes twinkle, or something corny like that. And Wayne clenches his fingers together. “Yeah, well. I’m gonna go. It’s nice meeting you, Gianna.” He gives Cristiano a smile, and brushes a hand on his arm. And Wayne’s pretty sure he like playfully pinched her or something. Then, to Wayne, “Later Waz.”
When Owen’s walks away, and spares them another glance, Wayne pulls Cristiano closer against his chest.
“My boobs are going to pop if you don’t stop,” Cristiano complains, but he’s enjoying this.
“They’re probably fake, anyways.”
:::
Wayne doesn’t let Cristiano in the locker room when they shower and change and all that. It’s stupid, really, because Cristiano’s seen everyone naked, but Gianna hasn’t. And besides, Wayne doesn’t want to know all the perverted things Rio would say and do in such situations. So he tells him to stand outside in the hallway. And makes Cristiano put on his sweater, so he doesn’t get cold.
When Wayne finally gets out, a duffel bag slung over his shoulders, Rio’s hitting on Cristiano. But before Wayne can get to him, Vida does, slapping his head repeatedly.
“Ow. God fucking damnit, Vida. Is it a crime to talk to a pretty lady?”
“In my country, it is.”
Rio tries not to sway, but it’s kind of difficult, “You’re a liar.”
“So?”
“I didn’t say that was a bad thing,” Rio saves, and follows Vida out into the car park. “You’re still giving me a ride home, yeah? You’re not mad, are you? Vida?”
Wayne holds out a hand to Cristiano, and he takes it. His hand’s smooth and tiny in Wayne’s, and Wayne kind of misses everything about Cristiano.
“Ready?”
“Yup.”
:::
“What if I never change back?”
They’re lying on Cristiano’s bed, staring at the ceiling.
“Then, I don’t know. We’re gonna have to buy you some new wardrobe. Oh. Wait.”
Cristiano slaps at his stomach, “Be serious.”
“I really don’t know,” Wayne shrugs. “But we’ll work it out.”
“Especially your jealousy.”
“What? What are you fuckin’ talking about? What jealousy?”
“Don’t be thick.”
Wayne turns his head, “I’m not thick. I don‘t get jealous.”
“Nevermind, then,” Cristiano laughs. And after a moment, sighs, “It’s nice, though.”
“Being a girl? Oh I know. The last time I had to change back into a boy, I cried my eyes out.”
Cristiano rolls his eyes, “It’s nice - you, I don’t know. Protecting me?”
“It’s what I always do.”
There’s a pause where Cristiano thinks, “Yeah. You do. I guess I never really noticed.”
“It’s not like I had a sign or whatever announcing it.”
“Shut up.” And Cristiano rolls on top of Wayne, settling between his legs. “Just. Shut up.”
“Okay.”
And Cristiano kisses him. And it’s weird, because they’re not Cristiano’s lips. They’re much more plump and soft, not chapped and thin. But Wayne pushes that thought aside, and just imagines that it is.
:::
Sometime that night, Wayne wakes up and there isn’t a small body tucked against him, anymore. He smiles, and presses his face into Cristiano’s neck. Even though it’s really only been less than a day, he’s missed him.