Lesson(s) Learned
I think I'll be up all night again.
I've learned a lot the past couple of days--I'm only kicking myself because I somehow feel like I've learned it before.
We are obligated solely and exclusively to ourselves. Being "in love" doesn't orient us, at least with any true bearings, and sleep is shared with no one, not even wrapped tightly.
My intentions for writing are varied at best. I feel like I build up so many reasons to keep to myself, but reality like rain or quiet footsteps, falls in around us slowly. Like the first streak of a meteor shower, with many to follow, our eyes and energies align with only our best attempt at prediction. We can scan the sky, as if it matters, but the first shimmering tail will invariably catch our eyes no matter where we've been looking.
This analogy means something to me right now--it speaks of absolution and weights around my feet.
No matter how much you want someone to be for you what you need them to be, they won't need it as much as you need for them to. Their heartbeats are not yours. Their god is not yours. Their soul is not yours, and you can only give freely.
The yoke I've taken as mine is one of solitude and separateness, because I truly and honestly have no idea why but I'm completely incapable of anything else despite my many many many attempts otherwise.
Tonight I'm humbled. Tonight I'm lonely. Tonight I'm riddled with fragrant afterthoughts, and Tonight the ether gives way to daydreams of what could have been but seemingly isn't. I'll ignore this 'isn't', floating buoyantly beyond my hazy confines.
I miss the love I thought I had.
I've learned a lot the past couple of days--I'm only kicking myself because I somehow feel like I've learned it before.
We are obligated solely and exclusively to ourselves. Being "in love" doesn't orient us, at least with any true bearings, and sleep is shared with no one, not even wrapped tightly.
My intentions for writing are varied at best. I feel like I build up so many reasons to keep to myself, but reality like rain or quiet footsteps, falls in around us slowly. Like the first streak of a meteor shower, with many to follow, our eyes and energies align with only our best attempt at prediction. We can scan the sky, as if it matters, but the first shimmering tail will invariably catch our eyes no matter where we've been looking.
This analogy means something to me right now--it speaks of absolution and weights around my feet.
No matter how much you want someone to be for you what you need them to be, they won't need it as much as you need for them to. Their heartbeats are not yours. Their god is not yours. Their soul is not yours, and you can only give freely.
The yoke I've taken as mine is one of solitude and separateness, because I truly and honestly have no idea why but I'm completely incapable of anything else despite my many many many attempts otherwise.
Tonight I'm humbled. Tonight I'm lonely. Tonight I'm riddled with fragrant afterthoughts, and Tonight the ether gives way to daydreams of what could have been but seemingly isn't. I'll ignore this 'isn't', floating buoyantly beyond my hazy confines.
I miss the love I thought I had.