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[unit_67]

[Be spontaneous! Spontaneity shows that you're fun and easy-going. Show up unannounced with an idea and go with the flow!

Lily does not realize that this issue of Seventeen is from 1985. She does not realize that being spontaneous can lead to scheduling conflicts. But, hey, seriously, what could Equius possibly be doing that's more important than

Comments

[Audio]

[b100b100dbeast]

[Equius is up in his room, doing his best to carve little nuts and bolts out of small chunks of wood. He is absolutely failing and it's driving him insane. At this point, he's willing to risk getting caught stealing pieces of metal wherever he can find it.]

What do you need, Lily?

[His voice is strained, as if he's trying not to yell into the journal.]

[ audio ]

[unit_67]

[HE SOUNDS ANGRY ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION

No. She's being proactive! Can't back out of being proactive.]

Wanna hang out? Uh, like, on another date?

[ audio ]

[b100b100dbeast]

[TWO DATES IN ONE SWEEP, WOAH WOAH NOW LILY.]

Very well, I suppose I could do with something to take my mind off of the infuriating lack of resources. When did you want to do this? Right now?

[Please be now, because Equius is close to chucking half of his room out the door.]

[ audio ]

[unit_67]

[IS IT REALLY THAT STRANGE?

Don't answer that.]

Yeah, now! At the boathouse?

[Text] And again, without punctuation

[purrtndyfuntms]

:33 < he's busy

[ audio ] of course

[unit_67]

[UHHH]

But he just said...?

[WHAT IS GOING ON]

[Text]

[purrtndyfuntms]

:33 < purrhaps he furgot something impawtant he was supposed to do with someone impawtant to him

[WORST. LIE. EVER.]

:33 < like talking to his sw33t meowrail

:33 < you'll n33d to have your human friendship date some other time

[ audio ]

[unit_67]

[Don't worry, Lily can't tell it's a lie!]

Oh. Okay, no problem!

[Text]

[purrtndyfuntms]

:33 < purrhaps you could ask him to explain troll romance to you again! :DD

:33 < beclaws

:33 < i think purrhaps you may have missed pawsibly the most purrtinent details

[Or else... Or else Equius is trying to replace her :((]

[ audio ]

[unit_67]

I, uh, I really don't understand troll romance at all. [Cosmogirl and Seventeen don't have articles on alien romance!] Ummm, am I missing something here?

[Text]

[purrtndyfuntms]

:33 < well trolls have four types of romance

:33 < one type is meowrallegiance

:33 < it's when two people are purrfect complimentary oppawsites or meowrails

:33 < they balance each other

:33 < one pacifies the other and k33ps him from being angry and breaking things and hurting himself and other people all the time

:33 < and the other k33ps his meowrail from doing fun things like playing dangerous purrtend games with scary spidertrolls who might kill her or with big spotty cats who did kill her

:33 < s33?

:33 < equius is my meowrail

[Audio]

[b100b100dbeast]

[HOLD THE PHONE. Equius re-reads that last response a few times.

And then a few more times. He hadn't planned to barge into the conversation but WHAT.]

Nepeta, what is this I'm reading? You mean play-kill, right? As in not actually being killed.

Right?

[Big spotty cats what.]

[Text]

[purrtndyfuntms]

:33 < ://

:33 < well

:33 < it's pawsible he was playing

[Audio]

[b100b100dbeast]

So. No harm was caused. You did not actually die. Of course not, because you are here.

[Yeah yeah dream selves but STILL.]

What spotty cat?

[Text]

[purrtndyfuntms]

:33 < um no i died

:33 < but i had a spare life!

:33 < and he was punished :OO

[Audio]

[b100b100dbeast]

[There is dead silence on this troll's end. Each passing second doubles Equius' anger. He will find this large spotted beast.

When he finally speaks, there is an ocean of suppressed rage.]

What is his name. Where can I find him?