(no subject)
Emotionally, I've been feeling a bit under the weather today. Being an introspective person, I think I know why. When I first made an effort to get better, I generally shut myself away from the world and focused on me. It was a strategy that worked well. I was away from all the complications of the world, along with all the venom and bile. I was able to shut myself in a happy little world where everything was magical and I saw the world with a childlike awe. However, over the last couple of days, I've found myself immersing myself in worldly affairs more -- and, more importantly, I've been reading people's opinions.
This, I find, generally upsets me and puts me in a state of being more passionate and worked up than I care to be. I find myself caring more about how others view the world than how I view it myself. I care more about what other people are doing than what I am doing myself. The world suddenly becomes large and complicated and feelings of discontent start sweeping in. Suddenly, living in a simplistic world of my own design suddenly seems a very difficult task.
Another thing that I think has set me off is the fact that two friends of mine are going to E3 this year. Now, I don't care so much that they are going; another friend of mine gets to go practically every year and I don't really care. I'm happy for them both, really. But it's how they are going that really bugs me. It brings up all these negative feelings of dealing with a certain someone I can't stand. It reminds me of all the ways dealing with them affected me mentally, the ways that they pushed me to the end of my sanity. The truth is that if they were going any other way, it would not be an issue. It's only the fact that they are going because of this one person.
This is another way that looking out to the world affects me. It's now put a damper over my own enjoyment of the event because when I watch it will always be in the back of my mind. I will always be thinking about how a person I can't stand is part of this. Had I not known, it would have been blissful to sit back and just watch the event unfold through live streams. Ignorance is bliss, so they say. Now I find myself downplaying the event so that I don't feel as bitter about it. Sad, really.
So, my remedy to this situation is to just try and recoil from it all and try and focus on the simplistic again. Take all the emotional pressure off myself and just do what makes me happy. Play games because I want to, not because I feel I have to finish them. Watch Disney movies I've seen a million times to cheer myself up, not watch new movies to broaden my horizons. Read less news and definitely stop reading the comments sections on articles. Eat what I wanna eat, do what I wanna do, etc. Perhaps some time living in a little bubble again will prepare me to deal with the outside world again.
This, I find, generally upsets me and puts me in a state of being more passionate and worked up than I care to be. I find myself caring more about how others view the world than how I view it myself. I care more about what other people are doing than what I am doing myself. The world suddenly becomes large and complicated and feelings of discontent start sweeping in. Suddenly, living in a simplistic world of my own design suddenly seems a very difficult task.
Another thing that I think has set me off is the fact that two friends of mine are going to E3 this year. Now, I don't care so much that they are going; another friend of mine gets to go practically every year and I don't really care. I'm happy for them both, really. But it's how they are going that really bugs me. It brings up all these negative feelings of dealing with a certain someone I can't stand. It reminds me of all the ways dealing with them affected me mentally, the ways that they pushed me to the end of my sanity. The truth is that if they were going any other way, it would not be an issue. It's only the fact that they are going because of this one person.
This is another way that looking out to the world affects me. It's now put a damper over my own enjoyment of the event because when I watch it will always be in the back of my mind. I will always be thinking about how a person I can't stand is part of this. Had I not known, it would have been blissful to sit back and just watch the event unfold through live streams. Ignorance is bliss, so they say. Now I find myself downplaying the event so that I don't feel as bitter about it. Sad, really.
So, my remedy to this situation is to just try and recoil from it all and try and focus on the simplistic again. Take all the emotional pressure off myself and just do what makes me happy. Play games because I want to, not because I feel I have to finish them. Watch Disney movies I've seen a million times to cheer myself up, not watch new movies to broaden my horizons. Read less news and definitely stop reading the comments sections on articles. Eat what I wanna eat, do what I wanna do, etc. Perhaps some time living in a little bubble again will prepare me to deal with the outside world again.