Things that I wrote

[unisagi]

I just recently managed to find copies of two things that I wrote back in 2003. That year is significant because it was the first year of my transition. I am going to post them below behind a cut.

Comments

[violettsukino]

I'd remembered bits and pieces of your original wiriting about having to wear a false mask in order to cover up your real identity, but forgotten most of it until now, regrettably. Having a chance to revisit the piece really brings out how powerful it really is, both in terms of how deeply it shows the pain you've been through, and the hope that came from finally being able to begin your transition journey.

Being a girl stuck in a boy's body or, for trans boys, being stuck the other way around, really is being trapped in a costume that others have forced you to wear. The parts that hit at the beginning most close to hope were the parts about the tears and clenched teeth thinning the mask yet not yet ripping it. But at the same time, the ending bits about emerging from a chrysalis were incredibly liberating. Especially the idea of "I am a butterfly, even though some may call me just a caterpillar with wings."

I'm not sure why girls like you and I and some boys are forced to pretend to be the opposite of what we really are. But I hope more cateripillars get chances to be be butterflies.

You make a very good point about emotional family, too. Emotion connection is what most makes a family. Blood kinship can be nice, but it doesn't guarantee an emotional bond or preclude abuse. I hope your heart brings many spiritual kin towards you.

[unisagi]

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. You and I know first hand about emotional/spiritual kin, don't we daughter?