Promise Me You'll Leave The Light On
Reflecting back to when this picture was taken...
september, 2007 (all you see is my eyes);
I feel as if I was a different person.
naive, angry, heartbroken, trapped, scared, curious, nervous, hurt,
yet, happy I believe, when I wasn't alone.
Then Shane died, and my petty problems were put into perspective.
Now, I am still some of those adjectives listed above,
but I feel like a completely different person wearing those adjectives;
Somehow I feel stronger.
I am still scared, and curious,
but I am no longer hurt
because my expectations for people
are extremely low now.
When people say things are going to happen now,
I just assume that they really won't.
I don't expect much out of people anymore.
My hopes aren't so high.
& so I don't get hurt.
For example, Matt.
I expect him to hurt me and ditch me.
& It's up to me now to be strong enough to stay away from him.
Today I feel like I am losing a good friend by not talking to him.
But I know he has hurt me, and I know he just wants one thing.
Which, is, heartbreaking;
I remember the day in the fall when he came back into my life.
That day he came up, I was so nervous.
But when he got here, it was just perfect.
Walking around downtown, we were such a good fit.
No break in conversation,
no awkward moments.
We even looked like an awesome couple.
I had such high hopes for us.
So the fact that he wants only one thing from me, it kills me.
We were such good friends above anything else.
I don't understand how he could do this to me.
I am always going miss him.
But the negative outways the positive, so just move on.
no one ever really saw the good parts of him. except me.
now there are no good parts left.
This entry is really going no where.
sorry.