Be The Change You Wish To See In The World ~ That's where I'm at.
I am undertaking the second round of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques aka meridian tapping) with Sonya Sophia. The intention I made out loud to the class for me being there was "To bring my actions in line with my highest truth so I can truly be part of the wake up team."
This is something I deeply yearn for and simultaneously fear and run from. As much as I have the desire - or understanding - that I am capable of being clear and centered within my power, I also find it hard to see. I am horrified at losing out on 'the fun' and losing out on the companionship I get from the nightlife. I honestly don't know what my life could look like day by day. So all I see from not drinking and going out at nights is a blank picture of nothing. So yes, I have fear and a big part of me is clawing to keep my habits of alcoholism because I love them dearly in so many ways.
Then what is this other part of me? It feels so much more esoteric, shrouded in mystery, unavailable to me. I feel this part of myself that hums gently of light at my core gently reassuring me that being in my own power as a healer will be gratifying and beautiful. Then that begs the question, "well what does that mean anyway?" At the core of THAT feeling is a deeper part of myself that simply glows with this knowledge of love and balance. I'm compelled to find out what this love~balance nature really is.
So I am urged to move forward and to examine my habits. I am urged to grow and change even though these habits in some ways, are very dear to my heart and in many ways are absolutely all that I know and understand.
I write this as a milestone. To look back on in 8 weeks. I believe I will go much deeper this round of EFT and will actually break through to the other side (or at least part of it). I simultaneously dread this happening because I have no idea of what the other side actually is. What will my story be then? Who will I be? How will I have fun? Will I even have fun if I am balanced and have no need to go and have intense ups to have fun? Will I still be interesting? Will anybody else be? Hopefully I will know the answers soon or at some stage in this lifetime.
Part of me is sure I will be happier when I am calmer and more peaceful and another part of me is spending a lot of energy to convince myself that I am confused and scared and unable to find a different source of happiness. I am seeing these doubts more clearly to be the demons they truly are. They know they have been spotted and are digging in their claws as a final attempt for power. Yet, I have committed to myself. To be open to the universe giving me what I need instead of what I want (eep!) To bring it on, to go through any roller coaster that may be awaiting me and to see where I end up. Even if part of me begs no... That's ok. I am already committed to this process willingly (for the most part) and devotedly.
Even with this fear, doubt, trepidation and this demon's desire to stay the same and keep on drinking my life away, I choose to send myself love, acceptance, approval and respect with single minded curiosity and tenacity - so that one day I will be on the side of loving kindness and clarity. My demons will be distant memories I can use to heal and guide myself and to shine light for others to help them heal. It is possible this is probable, likely and speeding its way towards me.
With deep resounding love,
I thank myself
I thank my spirit guides and teachers
I thank The Universe~The One~Source~Spirit
So shall it be.
Kai Ashley
http://openheartmind.com
Sonya Sophia's website: http://god-dess-in-us.us
This is something I deeply yearn for and simultaneously fear and run from. As much as I have the desire - or understanding - that I am capable of being clear and centered within my power, I also find it hard to see. I am horrified at losing out on 'the fun' and losing out on the companionship I get from the nightlife. I honestly don't know what my life could look like day by day. So all I see from not drinking and going out at nights is a blank picture of nothing. So yes, I have fear and a big part of me is clawing to keep my habits of alcoholism because I love them dearly in so many ways.
Then what is this other part of me? It feels so much more esoteric, shrouded in mystery, unavailable to me. I feel this part of myself that hums gently of light at my core gently reassuring me that being in my own power as a healer will be gratifying and beautiful. Then that begs the question, "well what does that mean anyway?" At the core of THAT feeling is a deeper part of myself that simply glows with this knowledge of love and balance. I'm compelled to find out what this love~balance nature really is.
So I am urged to move forward and to examine my habits. I am urged to grow and change even though these habits in some ways, are very dear to my heart and in many ways are absolutely all that I know and understand.
I write this as a milestone. To look back on in 8 weeks. I believe I will go much deeper this round of EFT and will actually break through to the other side (or at least part of it). I simultaneously dread this happening because I have no idea of what the other side actually is. What will my story be then? Who will I be? How will I have fun? Will I even have fun if I am balanced and have no need to go and have intense ups to have fun? Will I still be interesting? Will anybody else be? Hopefully I will know the answers soon or at some stage in this lifetime.
Part of me is sure I will be happier when I am calmer and more peaceful and another part of me is spending a lot of energy to convince myself that I am confused and scared and unable to find a different source of happiness. I am seeing these doubts more clearly to be the demons they truly are. They know they have been spotted and are digging in their claws as a final attempt for power. Yet, I have committed to myself. To be open to the universe giving me what I need instead of what I want (eep!) To bring it on, to go through any roller coaster that may be awaiting me and to see where I end up. Even if part of me begs no... That's ok. I am already committed to this process willingly (for the most part) and devotedly.
Even with this fear, doubt, trepidation and this demon's desire to stay the same and keep on drinking my life away, I choose to send myself love, acceptance, approval and respect with single minded curiosity and tenacity - so that one day I will be on the side of loving kindness and clarity. My demons will be distant memories I can use to heal and guide myself and to shine light for others to help them heal. It is possible this is probable, likely and speeding its way towards me.
With deep resounding love,
I thank myself
I thank my spirit guides and teachers
I thank The Universe~The One~Source~Spirit
So shall it be.
Kai Ashley
http://openheartmind.com
Sonya Sophia's website: http://god-dess-in-us.us