This is me
I don't feel in control anymore, infact I feel i have none whatsoever. Its my life so why don't I have any power to get what I want?
I wish last weekend had never happened, why do I always do it to myself? Up until then I had been content, I was in a situation I don't usually like. Just "seeing" someone. Usually I don't like it at all, I don't know where I stand, I'm paranoid about it, I don't have enough clarity.
But he was different, I had confidence in myself and in him. I knew where I was, so why did I do that? I thought I'd totally hurt him, thats why he wasn't speaking to me.
Then I thought I'd imagined it all, now it's all happening again.
I can't comprehend where I am, what's going on. And I hate it! I know what I want, but I don't think I can have it now. I just need some clarity, one sentence would be fine. But he can't even give me that, he can act normally for so long, then it all goes to pot. Maybe I need to just trust him and have confidence in myself. But to be honest, I can't anymore. Its too much effort, I don't want to fool myself. I just want to know.
Maybe I should just not think, just carry on. It worked before, don't think it will now
I wish last weekend had never happened, why do I always do it to myself? Up until then I had been content, I was in a situation I don't usually like. Just "seeing" someone. Usually I don't like it at all, I don't know where I stand, I'm paranoid about it, I don't have enough clarity.
But he was different, I had confidence in myself and in him. I knew where I was, so why did I do that? I thought I'd totally hurt him, thats why he wasn't speaking to me.
Then I thought I'd imagined it all, now it's all happening again.
I can't comprehend where I am, what's going on. And I hate it! I know what I want, but I don't think I can have it now. I just need some clarity, one sentence would be fine. But he can't even give me that, he can act normally for so long, then it all goes to pot. Maybe I need to just trust him and have confidence in myself. But to be honest, I can't anymore. Its too much effort, I don't want to fool myself. I just want to know.
Maybe I should just not think, just carry on. It worked before, don't think it will now