Lows are highs about to fall
they are paskins words... slightly confusing. Think hes depressing me more. feeling a bit low. and he said i have to treasure it because it could all get worse.... no take that say things can only get better!
Im not quite sure why I'm worried, jsut a bit unclear on things. i should really tackle issues when they occur not leave them til they drive me mad.
basically i dont think a certain someone trusts me. they claim they feel one way but sometimes they demonstrate the opposite. I know ive messed up in the past but thats no reason to telol me in not allwoed to say i wont this time, becasue you never know! Why cant people put a little faith in me. i think ive been hurt enough to learn my lesson! and anyway its not dispositional :P its situational. i dont set out to cheat on people i dont enjoy it or get kicks out of. its the situation i find myself in making myself fell rejected and hating ymself, that allows me to do it. forget whats aroudn me and try make myself feel better.
but thats beside the point. the point is, if someone loves me why dont they trust me : (
and i dont think this is as clean cut as i first thought. i thought i was the only one with issues. but im thinking there could be some not on my part. a sudden mentioning of" i bet you told john that to" made me reaslie : S maybe its commitment, maybe its jealousy, maybe its a realsiation of the truth and again not trusting me.
the thign is, i dont know how easy it will be to find out without pressure. something of which ive already used 2 much of. im not sure if the feelifns are real or jsut because the pressure i put on meant he had no real choice but to say it, and if thats true, all of this is becasue of it.
oh im confused. it all made sense on modnay night wen i reaslied what a shit life ive had and what constant hurt ive had. and the i reaslised maybe hjes not as happy as i am (most the time, wen im not worrying!)
oh i duno