drunking
first in foremost I will be getting drunk tonight, drunk enough to vomit. I will do this for two reasons.
One.
I feel I must punish myself, because I have done things I shouldnt have done. (seen someone I swore not to see and well just been a down right loser.)
Two.
Depression is a bitch.
Here it is... some hours after drinking, I find myself drunk.
yet I find myself in a torn place. I told her the truth so I am punished.
senario.
Say you give someone all your love, you find out that theyre cheating on you. you leave them, and rebuild your life and your love all over.
You then find a new person you can love full heartedly, only to hear they just got out of a relationship of long standings during wich you two had a fling or two during. and then you also find out she cheated on that man with another person before.
you have a wonderful time with that individual till one day she says she's done. You dont really see why from the 1st place only to understand deep down later on it's probably because she doubts everything in her life and has no reason not to. She doubts her god, she doubts her failing health and she doubts you. so she leaves you because out of everything that is one thing she can do with out.
So you get curious.... why did she leave you? is she going back to that abusive man? a few months pass of on an off of the affections one weekend night you call her tell her you love her she tells you it back, a few days later she says no, its done. and then then the day after you meet her in a resturant and figure ok... tell her all you feel. and you do. in the parking lot later on you see she still has feelings for the lover she had before you.
she breaks down in tears because of it. you are sad but you dont know what to do because you do love her, you just now are stuck with out knowing... did she go back to him or not? It would explain the reason why she was pissed about you stealing her phone out of a joke.
you then decide you can find out, if she isn't going to tell you, how can you ever know? this goes into your mind, and festers for days. is she really? is this happening again to you? is this really happening you have go to be joking. noo I trust her... I just need to be sure.
so you check. CONFRONTATION!!! she's taklking to the guy, but she isnt doing anything really. so you wonder and wonder and wonder and then finally accept that you are a terrible horrible person, you should have never doubted, you should have never looked. Pandora's box all over again.
this time I was fucked. there is no hope left in the box dear pandora. I wish I could give you some, but tears stream from my eyes and my drunken daze is lost remorse and a sad sad life is all that is left. the one you would give it all to walks away.
the fallen angel as you called her. you tried to pick her up, you did your best yes. you did. you wanted so much more than you could even offer her. here you are. alone.
One.
I feel I must punish myself, because I have done things I shouldnt have done. (seen someone I swore not to see and well just been a down right loser.)
Two.
Depression is a bitch.
Here it is... some hours after drinking, I find myself drunk.
yet I find myself in a torn place. I told her the truth so I am punished.
senario.
Say you give someone all your love, you find out that theyre cheating on you. you leave them, and rebuild your life and your love all over.
You then find a new person you can love full heartedly, only to hear they just got out of a relationship of long standings during wich you two had a fling or two during. and then you also find out she cheated on that man with another person before.
you have a wonderful time with that individual till one day she says she's done. You dont really see why from the 1st place only to understand deep down later on it's probably because she doubts everything in her life and has no reason not to. She doubts her god, she doubts her failing health and she doubts you. so she leaves you because out of everything that is one thing she can do with out.
So you get curious.... why did she leave you? is she going back to that abusive man? a few months pass of on an off of the affections one weekend night you call her tell her you love her she tells you it back, a few days later she says no, its done. and then then the day after you meet her in a resturant and figure ok... tell her all you feel. and you do. in the parking lot later on you see she still has feelings for the lover she had before you.
she breaks down in tears because of it. you are sad but you dont know what to do because you do love her, you just now are stuck with out knowing... did she go back to him or not? It would explain the reason why she was pissed about you stealing her phone out of a joke.
you then decide you can find out, if she isn't going to tell you, how can you ever know? this goes into your mind, and festers for days. is she really? is this happening again to you? is this really happening you have go to be joking. noo I trust her... I just need to be sure.
so you check. CONFRONTATION!!! she's taklking to the guy, but she isnt doing anything really. so you wonder and wonder and wonder and then finally accept that you are a terrible horrible person, you should have never doubted, you should have never looked. Pandora's box all over again.
this time I was fucked. there is no hope left in the box dear pandora. I wish I could give you some, but tears stream from my eyes and my drunken daze is lost remorse and a sad sad life is all that is left. the one you would give it all to walks away.
the fallen angel as you called her. you tried to pick her up, you did your best yes. you did. you wanted so much more than you could even offer her. here you are. alone.