(no subject)
Day 5. My room is empty, and I keep thinking that I need to take the dog out. The weekend was a lot easier - we went to sister's place in Tampere and saw Apulanta play at Pakkahuone. Now I'm at home and Maggie is decidedly not present in all the places I would usually find her.
I've listened to a lot of podfic. I like hearing the sound of a voice without feeling any obligation to answer or contribute anything. When I can't focus, all I have to do is pause, and let my mind wander. And if it wanders wrong, and I start thinking in terms I know aren't helpful, then all I do is press play and I'm distracted again. For right now, it's perfect.
I had a dream last night. I've been awake for quite a few hours now, so most of it has already started to fade, but I remember enough that I think I can write down the main points. It had three separate sequences.
It started with me walking into a sort of restaurant. It was all dark wood and candle light, and I knew I was there to meet some guy I'd met online. I picked a table in the corner, and he showed up as I sat down.
I don't remember ever seeing his face in real life, but I think it was something my subconscious had cobbled together from different features of men I know. The skin on his face was slightly scarred, the way it is on people who've had bad acne as teenagers, and he had distinct, long eyelashes and a gray hoodie. When he spoke he was really, really obviously someone from my university. He spoke Swedish like he was from the south, and he started talking to me about people he assumed I would know. I remember he mentioned names I knew - but only because I've read them on the back of random university publications. So he was probably just naming people off the board of the student union.
I stammered and nodded, all the while thinking that this had been a terrible mistake, because we obviously had nothing in common. Then he pointed a few tables over, and I saw the former chairman of ESN board I used to be part of. We were never really friends with him, but in the dream I was delighted he was there. He joined us at the table, along with some girl with brown hair and glasses, and after enthusiastic greetings everything turned incredibly awkward again. Then he handed me a postcard with a picture of a waterfall in a jungle, and the word "ZAIRE" written on it in cursive.
I knew that Zaire is called Congo now, but the postcard looked so battered and old that it made sense for the word to be outdated. I hugged him, and got up and told everyone that I would take the card to my room where I would put it on the wall. I told them they should follow me, and we walked through a side-door.
My room had weird wallpaper. My actual room has plain white walls, but in the dream there was a distinct jungle motif. But not even a real jungle - it looked like a jungle the way it's drawn in Tintin comics. And on my bed was my friend Anna, chewing on these jello candies that she had on a plate next to her. I know her dogs were around somewhere, but I couldn't see them.
The people from the other room were walking around the apartment, somewhere behind me, but now it was obvious that they were packing for a trip we were all going to take. I knew I should be packing too, but there was something me and Anna would have to wait for together first. She offered me the candies, and I took a few, even though I really don't like them at all. Didn't even like them in the dream, but it seemed like the polite thing to do.
"Your phone keeps ringing," Anna told me, and then my phone rang.
It was an old friend I'd had in elementary school, asking me when she should be expecting me. I told her I was sorry, that I'd forgotten that we were supposed to meet today, and that I wasn't even in Porvoo right now. When I hung up, Anna told me that she thought my friend seemed really demanding and it probably wasn't healthy.
Then we watched some cartoons.
I went back to the restaurant through the same door I'd used earlier, but now everything had changed. The restaurant had turned into a huge disc. It had a pillar in the middle and a roof, but no walls. I suppose the design looked roughly like a carousel, though everything was still made from dark wood. It was the topmost floor of a huge temple that had been built on the top of a huge mountain. The view from there was absolutely breathtaking. I saw jungle spread out all around beneath us through a thick mist, and the peaks of other mountains. In the dream I was obviously in India (I've no idea what India actually looks like, mind you, but in retrospect view really looked more like a scene from a nature documentary set in South America).
I wasn't the only person on the carousel-temple-disc, far from it. These loops of thick rope were hanging from the ceiling and over the sides, and there was a crowd of people hanging on to them. Some were hanging over the side, dangling over the drop, and some were with their feet just a few centimeters off the floor. Everyone had their eyes closed and were mumbling some kind of prayer, and it was obvious they were doing it willingly. They all looked decidedly not-foreign. Most were white, with shiny white sneakers and pale blue jeans. Some looked like they'd just left a business meeting, their briefcases resting on the floor beneath them.
Someone told me they were meditating, and I asked if they had to do it for very long. I was thinking about an article I'd read as a kid in Science Illustrated, about some man that had held up his arm for 15 years. The man I was talking to told me that it all depends - some people feel they need more punishment than others. He asked if I wanted to try, and I told him no, but it wasn't true, I very much did.
And then I woke up and it was 6:30 in the morning.
This entry was originally posted at http://unikorento.dreamwidth.org/11796.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I've listened to a lot of podfic. I like hearing the sound of a voice without feeling any obligation to answer or contribute anything. When I can't focus, all I have to do is pause, and let my mind wander. And if it wanders wrong, and I start thinking in terms I know aren't helpful, then all I do is press play and I'm distracted again. For right now, it's perfect.
I had a dream last night. I've been awake for quite a few hours now, so most of it has already started to fade, but I remember enough that I think I can write down the main points. It had three separate sequences.
It started with me walking into a sort of restaurant. It was all dark wood and candle light, and I knew I was there to meet some guy I'd met online. I picked a table in the corner, and he showed up as I sat down.
I don't remember ever seeing his face in real life, but I think it was something my subconscious had cobbled together from different features of men I know. The skin on his face was slightly scarred, the way it is on people who've had bad acne as teenagers, and he had distinct, long eyelashes and a gray hoodie. When he spoke he was really, really obviously someone from my university. He spoke Swedish like he was from the south, and he started talking to me about people he assumed I would know. I remember he mentioned names I knew - but only because I've read them on the back of random university publications. So he was probably just naming people off the board of the student union.
I stammered and nodded, all the while thinking that this had been a terrible mistake, because we obviously had nothing in common. Then he pointed a few tables over, and I saw the former chairman of ESN board I used to be part of. We were never really friends with him, but in the dream I was delighted he was there. He joined us at the table, along with some girl with brown hair and glasses, and after enthusiastic greetings everything turned incredibly awkward again. Then he handed me a postcard with a picture of a waterfall in a jungle, and the word "ZAIRE" written on it in cursive.
I knew that Zaire is called Congo now, but the postcard looked so battered and old that it made sense for the word to be outdated. I hugged him, and got up and told everyone that I would take the card to my room where I would put it on the wall. I told them they should follow me, and we walked through a side-door.
My room had weird wallpaper. My actual room has plain white walls, but in the dream there was a distinct jungle motif. But not even a real jungle - it looked like a jungle the way it's drawn in Tintin comics. And on my bed was my friend Anna, chewing on these jello candies that she had on a plate next to her. I know her dogs were around somewhere, but I couldn't see them.
The people from the other room were walking around the apartment, somewhere behind me, but now it was obvious that they were packing for a trip we were all going to take. I knew I should be packing too, but there was something me and Anna would have to wait for together first. She offered me the candies, and I took a few, even though I really don't like them at all. Didn't even like them in the dream, but it seemed like the polite thing to do.
"Your phone keeps ringing," Anna told me, and then my phone rang.
It was an old friend I'd had in elementary school, asking me when she should be expecting me. I told her I was sorry, that I'd forgotten that we were supposed to meet today, and that I wasn't even in Porvoo right now. When I hung up, Anna told me that she thought my friend seemed really demanding and it probably wasn't healthy.
Then we watched some cartoons.
I went back to the restaurant through the same door I'd used earlier, but now everything had changed. The restaurant had turned into a huge disc. It had a pillar in the middle and a roof, but no walls. I suppose the design looked roughly like a carousel, though everything was still made from dark wood. It was the topmost floor of a huge temple that had been built on the top of a huge mountain. The view from there was absolutely breathtaking. I saw jungle spread out all around beneath us through a thick mist, and the peaks of other mountains. In the dream I was obviously in India (I've no idea what India actually looks like, mind you, but in retrospect view really looked more like a scene from a nature documentary set in South America).
I wasn't the only person on the carousel-temple-disc, far from it. These loops of thick rope were hanging from the ceiling and over the sides, and there was a crowd of people hanging on to them. Some were hanging over the side, dangling over the drop, and some were with their feet just a few centimeters off the floor. Everyone had their eyes closed and were mumbling some kind of prayer, and it was obvious they were doing it willingly. They all looked decidedly not-foreign. Most were white, with shiny white sneakers and pale blue jeans. Some looked like they'd just left a business meeting, their briefcases resting on the floor beneath them.
Someone told me they were meditating, and I asked if they had to do it for very long. I was thinking about an article I'd read as a kid in Science Illustrated, about some man that had held up his arm for 15 years. The man I was talking to told me that it all depends - some people feel they need more punishment than others. He asked if I wanted to try, and I told him no, but it wasn't true, I very much did.
And then I woke up and it was 6:30 in the morning.
This entry was originally posted at http://unikorento.dreamwidth.org/11796.html. Please comment there using OpenID.