Friendship, Spring
I started out having a pretty good, calm day. Now I'm feeling quite sad and guilty over one of my best friends (the same recent problem I've mentioned previously). I don't know what I want, which makes things more confusing. What I want might not be what would also make this friend happy. That's how things always seem to end up... I guess I just have to bear the present and make the best of it. Maybe with enough time some repairing of the relationship can occur, if that's what we both want. My psychologist seems to think that's what is most likely to happen.
Sometimes I'm so self-destructive it seems impossible to see any point in my actions other than the desire to be hated and have my life affirmed in a strange way. I want to improve that.
I love how it's raining now, and there's a storm but not such a big storm as to be really frightening. The rain makes the nights easier for me, and I have my big front door open so I can see everything. I always loved spring most of the seasons, even though I have bad memories located in the spring. I always have some kind of hope that this time will be better... So far, since I was 19, that hasn't been the case:-P But maybe I will finally get my life together, and spring will be pure to me. The magnolia trees are in full bloom here and sometimes it feels heavenly, like some suburban Eden.
Sometimes I'm so self-destructive it seems impossible to see any point in my actions other than the desire to be hated and have my life affirmed in a strange way. I want to improve that.
I love how it's raining now, and there's a storm but not such a big storm as to be really frightening. The rain makes the nights easier for me, and I have my big front door open so I can see everything. I always loved spring most of the seasons, even though I have bad memories located in the spring. I always have some kind of hope that this time will be better... So far, since I was 19, that hasn't been the case:-P But maybe I will finally get my life together, and spring will be pure to me. The magnolia trees are in full bloom here and sometimes it feels heavenly, like some suburban Eden.