Notes on Habits 5 and 6 of "7 Habits of Highly Effective People"
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood
"When I say empathic listening, I mean listening with intent to understand. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand.
Empathic (from empathy) listening gets inside another person's frame of reference. [...]
Sympathy is a form of agreement, a form of judgment.[...] The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it's that you fully, deeply understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually." (pg. 240)
"Satisfied needs do not motivate. It's only the unsatisfied need that motivates. Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival -- to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated." (pg. 241)
"Seek first to understand...then to be understood. [...]
Earlier we defined maturity as the balance between courage and consideration." (pg. 255)
Habit 6: Synergize
"What is synergy? Simply defined, it means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. It means that the relationship which the parts have to each other is a part in and of itself. It is not only a part, but the most catalytic, the most empowering, the most unifying, and the most exciting part." (pg. 263)
"Synergy is exciting. Creativity is exciting. It's phenomenal what openness and communication can produce. The possibilities of truly significant gain, of significant improvement are so real that it's worth the risk such openness entails." (pg. 269)
"Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy -- the mental, the emotional, the psychological differences between people. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are." (pg. 277)
Does this explain how some people are so cynical or pessimistic about the world whereas I tend to be optimistic, even when things seem dire?
"Driving forces generally are positive, reasonable, logical, conscious, and economic. In juxtaposition, restraining forces are often negative, emotional, illogical, unconscious, and social/psychological." (pg. 279)
"You can be synergistic within yourself even in the midst of a very adversarial environment. You don't have to take insults personally. You can sidestep negative energy; you can look for the good in others and utilize that good, as different as it may be, to improve your point of view and to enlarge your perspective." (pg. 284)