Notes on Habits 1 and 2 of "7 Habits of Highly Effective People"
Many times in recent months I've been told I'm "proactive" so I already apply some of what I've read, but I really like how some things are phrased.
Habit 1: Be Proactive
"If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on something over which I have control -- myself. I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses." (pg. 90)
"For those filled with regret, perhaps the most needed exercises of proactivity is to realize that past mistakes are also out there in the Circle of Concern." (pg. 91
"But not to acknowledge a mistake, not to correct it and learn from it, is a mistake of a different order." (pg. 91)
"It is not what others do or even our own mistakes that hurt us the most; it is our response to those things." (pg. 91)
"Through our human endowments of self-awareness and conscience, we become conscious of areas of weakness, areas for improvement, areas of talent that could be developed, areas that need to be changed or eliminated from our lives. Then, as we recognize and use our imagination and independent will to act on that awareness -- making promises, setting goals, and being true to them -- we build the strength of character, the being, that makes possible every other positive thing in our lives." (pg. 92).
"Don't argue for other people's weaknesses. Don't argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it -- immediately. Don't get into a blaming, accusing mode. Work on things you have control over. Work on you. On be.
Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation. It's not what they're not doing or should be doing that's the issue. The issue is your own chosen response to the situation and what you should be doing. If you start to think the problem is "out there," stop yourself. That thought is the problem." (pg. 93)
Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
(at your funeral)
"What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives?" (pg. 97)
I would want people to see me as loving, compassionate, honest, good-hearted, giving, intelligent, and talented. I would like to have developed enough creative skills to create some impressive works people who at least knew me well would remember. I would want to do a lot of volunteering that inspired people. I would want to make people feel loved and happy.
"By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on a particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life as a whole." (pg. 98)
"We are either the second creation of our own proactive design, or we are the second creation of other people's agendas, of circumstances, or of past habits." (pg. 100)
Personal Mission Statement
My Personal Commandments:
1. Only I can make myself happy.
2. Happiness is a choice.
3. Don't be quick to judge.
4. Compliment more and criticize less.
5. Set goals for each day and force myself to get started.
6. Enjoy the process.
7. Do not ruminate on bad memories or upsetting things.
8. Help someone or compliment someone in some way every day.
9. Tell people how thankful I am for them and what they do.
10. Be myself. (in other words, drop social masks and be honest, even if it's difficult)
11. When there is a problem, state what the problem is and drop it (don't keep complaining).
12. Don't hurt myself (because that hurts other people, too).
13. Enjoy the small pleasures of each day.
14. Let go of needing to be in control of everything that happens in my life or others' lives.
15. Be kind to myself and to all other people, animals, and other living things.
16. Relax -- Don't worry
"The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of who you are, what you are about and what you value." (pg. 108)
"Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power." (pg. 109)
"Inevitably, anytime we are too vulnerable we feel the need to protect ourselves from further wounds. So we resort to sarcasm, cutting humor, criticism -- anything that will keep from exposing the tenderness within." (pg. 112)
"Principles don't react to anything.[...] Principles don't die. They aren't here one day and gone the next.[...]
Principles are deep, fundamental truths, classic truths, generic common denominators. They are tightly interwoven threads running with exactness, consistency, beauty, and strength through the fabric of life." (pg. 122)
"The wisdom and guidance that accompany principle-centered living comes from correct maps, from the way things really are, have been, and will be." (pg. 123)
"The personal power that comes from principle-centered living is the power of a self-aware, knowledgeable, proactive individual, unrestricted by the attitudes, behaviors, and actions of others or by many of the circumstances and environmental influences that limit other people." (pg. 123)
"Frankl says we detect rather than invent our missions in life. I like that choice of words. I think each of us has an internal monitor or sense, a conscience, that gives us an awareness of our own uniqueness and the singular contributions that we can make." (pg. 128)
"The dominant, central theme of their activities, the underlying principle, is love. The futility of bad-mouthing, bad thinking, put-downs, and accusation becomes very evident when they think in terms of having only a short time to live. Principles and values become more evident to everybody." (pg. 132)
(pg. 136)My mission is to love others and help others to feel love while being true to myself.
To fulfill this mission:
I have charity: I give to others whenever I can, without harming myself.
I sacrifice: My time, money, talents, and various resources.
I inspire: I try to be a kind person and lead by example how I wish people treated each other.
I am impactful: I do creative works that affect people and I am there when people need me.
These roles take priority in achieving my mission:
Romantic Partner: Michael and I work together to have a good, shared life.
Daughter: I will try to help my mother when I can and appreciate all she does for me.
Sister: I am kind and interact in positive ways.
Friend: I give to my friends as much as they need and I am able; I share my emotional life and thoughts.
Child of the Universe/God: I am of love, just as all things in the universe.
Scholar: I study topics of interest and have fun conversations with others about these topics.
Artist/Writer: I write and create art that is meaningful to me and that other people sometimes appreciate.