I'm not that brave
Lately people have been commenting on how brave I am. It has something to do with the fact that I have asked seven guys to various school dances (one said yes, and that was in freshman year) and have made plans to ask two others (who were suddenly unaviable before the implementation of the plans, otherwise I would've asked them).
I joke that the worst a guy can say is "no."
But I'm not brave.
This girl, at my school, read the most fucking awesome poem at the rally. It was about this girl she liked who was straight and kept going for the real asshole men and didn't notice J at all or in that way. I think my favorite line was "But I'm just a revolving door and you just don't swing that way." That poem was epic. J came out to the entire student body, in front of everyone, with a poem so personal it shocked a mass of high schoolers into stunned silence.
That's brave.
Me, I just ask guys to dances. The worst they can say is no. They're not going to hate me, they're not going to be disgusted, they're not going to spread rumors about my sexuality. All they can do is turn me down. Which doesn't mean very much anyway.
Note that I don't ask girls to dances.
Note that I haven't asked my crush to Prom.
She's pathologically straight of course. But still, even if I had an inkling that she wasn't, that she might swing that way, would I risk it? I honestly don't know. I--I well I just can't see her as anything but straight. I don't think I would though. I'd want to, but I wouldn't for various reasons: parents, losing friends, ruining friendships. I don't think I could do it.
I don't think I could ask her, or any other girl for that matter, to Prom.
Because a girl can do a lot worse than a guy, especially when you're a girl. She can call you a fag, a lesbo (I'm bi, goddammit!), say I hit on her, tell me I'm unnatural, that God doesn't love me, that I will burn in hell, that I am dirty, that I am disgusting, that I am a second-class citizen as far as the laws of American and California are concerned, that I'm just confused, that it's just a phaze, that I don't know what I'm feeling, that it's not really, that I can't feel as strongly about her as that asshole guy can.
So, the next time you say I'm brave, and that I have guts, just remember, I ask guys to dances, not girls.
I joke that the worst a guy can say is "no."
But I'm not brave.
This girl, at my school, read the most fucking awesome poem at the rally. It was about this girl she liked who was straight and kept going for the real asshole men and didn't notice J at all or in that way. I think my favorite line was "But I'm just a revolving door and you just don't swing that way." That poem was epic. J came out to the entire student body, in front of everyone, with a poem so personal it shocked a mass of high schoolers into stunned silence.
That's brave.
Me, I just ask guys to dances. The worst they can say is no. They're not going to hate me, they're not going to be disgusted, they're not going to spread rumors about my sexuality. All they can do is turn me down. Which doesn't mean very much anyway.
Note that I don't ask girls to dances.
Note that I haven't asked my crush to Prom.
She's pathologically straight of course. But still, even if I had an inkling that she wasn't, that she might swing that way, would I risk it? I honestly don't know. I--I well I just can't see her as anything but straight. I don't think I would though. I'd want to, but I wouldn't for various reasons: parents, losing friends, ruining friendships. I don't think I could do it.
I don't think I could ask her, or any other girl for that matter, to Prom.
Because a girl can do a lot worse than a guy, especially when you're a girl. She can call you a fag, a lesbo (I'm bi, goddammit!), say I hit on her, tell me I'm unnatural, that God doesn't love me, that I will burn in hell, that I am dirty, that I am disgusting, that I am a second-class citizen as far as the laws of American and California are concerned, that I'm just confused, that it's just a phaze, that I don't know what I'm feeling, that it's not really, that I can't feel as strongly about her as that asshole guy can.
So, the next time you say I'm brave, and that I have guts, just remember, I ask guys to dances, not girls.