Title: of soap operas and judgment day (or how deanna winchester saves the world with dr sexy) (2/2)
Author:
unholygraceSeries: Supernatural.
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Girl!Dean(na), Sam, Lucifer - brief Bobby & Castiel.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: This is Hell, Sam realizes with sudden clarity. Somehow, I have died and this is Hell. No wonder Deanna was messed up. Gen, genderswap.
Notes/Warning: This is like my dirty-little secret. D: My brain. Demanded I write this at two in the morning. When I wake up in the morning, I am going to be horrified and, YEA. I apologize in advance. :D
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This is Hell, Sam realizes with sudden clarity. Somehow, I have died and this is Hell. No wonder Deanna was messed up.
It had been shockingly simple. They'd laid the trap in the panic room at Bobby's. Sam summoned Lucifer himself using words Castiel gave him, all 'I'm here, come get me, asshole, blah blah blah'. When the archangel appeared, standing beside the chair Deanna placed in the center of the holy oil circle, Deanna casually dropped a lit match onto it. With a floosh, the oil ignited, spreading flames up to Lucifer's waist in height.
It was a bit anticlimactic, really.
Lucifer looked a little surprised, turning his gaze from Deanna, who just lifted a brow in a 'whatchya gonna do about it?' motion, to Castiel who shrunk in on himself a little, to Bobby who held his hands up in the universal 'I have nothing to do with this, I don't know these idjits' to Sam who just shrugged. “Impressive,” he stated, still looking a little shell shocked.
Deanna grinned at him. “Sit down, take a load off.” She gestured towards the chair, which Lucifer looked at for a moment before sitting down. She herself straddled the only other chair in the room and turned to face Lucifer. “Okay, so here's the plan. You and I are gonna make a deal.”
“I'm an angel, Deanna,” Lucifer told her, an implied 'you stupid little girl' hanging off the end of his sentence. “I don't make deals.”
Sam's sister shrugged. “Give me an hour.” She held up one finger. “One hour for me to convince you to not kill everyone on Earth.” When Lucifer frowned at her, Deanna added, “if I fail to change your mind, I'll let you out and Sammy here will say yes.”
“Yea - wait, what?” Sam demanded sharply, his words echoed by Bobby and Castiel. “I'll what?”
Lucifer's eyebrows went all the way up to his hair line. “And if you somehow change my mind and win...?”
She smiled at him, razor sharp. “Well, we'll see.”
Then, she hit play on the laptop.
Thirteen hours later, Deanna and the devil are working their way through the first season. The holy fire had long died out, leaving behind a faint smell to the room, but the two of them didn't notice it at all. They both were too busy cramming popcorn that Deanna had demanded Sam make during the fifth episode into their mouths and watching Dr Piccolo slap Dr Sexy for being a coward for not operating on the young dying mother.
Lucifer pulls his chair up a little closer to the screen. “What I don't understand is how she keeps coming back to him after all the women he slept with while he's with her.”
“Half the time he's an asshole,” Deanna tells him, swallowing her mouthful of popcorn. “Half the time he's the best thing since hot showers and Dr Piccolo knows it. She's addicted. It's unhealthy, but he makes her happy most of the time.” She shrugs. “Plus, he's blindingly hot. Shit, I'd hit it and never quit it. Also, soap opera.”
Lucifer makes a sound that might have been disgust, might have been agreement. He reaches into the popcorn bowl, scowling when only seeds come up. “We're out of popcorn again.”
“Sam!” Deanna screams and Sam comes running, heart in his throat, thinking that Lucifer finally got fed up. Instead of finding Deanna in a choke hold, she's holding out the popcorn bowl. “Popcorn, bitch!”
Sam snarls, snatches the bowl and storms off, swearing viciously. Deanna and Lucifer watch him leave, perplexed. After a moment, Lucifer turns back to Deanna. “How many episodes did you say their were?”
Deanna grins and points to the four thick box sets. “24 episodes per season, four and a half seasons, do the math. We could probably burn through all of them before the end of the week.” She trails off a little, giving Lucifer a heavy lidded stare. “Unless you plan on destroying the world before then?”
Lucifer shakes his head absently, snatching Deanna's coke, ignoring her squeak of protest. “No thanks. Now, what happens next?”
“Patience,” Deanna coos, hitting the play button and the two watch as Dr Sexy starts yelling at the dying mother's husband about just because the baby wasn't his didn't mean he could just abandon her while she died.
Deanna smiles slyly at Sam when he returns with the popcorn. I win, she mouths at Sam, so I win.