(no subject)
Well thats it. I dont even know why i bother anymore. Nobody seems to give a fuck about what i have to say anymore! My best friend wants to kill herself and wont speak to me. Apparently when i asked her if she wanted to be left alone i was turning the conversation onto me. I dont get how that works but apparently it does. All i was thinking was maybe its a time she would rather spend on her own. Things just seem to be getting worse and worse for me at the moment. When i finally think ive reached the bottom someone comes along and kicks me into another downward spiral and its pissing me off! Nobody seems to want to throw me a life-line anymore or at least listen to what i have to say! I have so many problems i need to speak to someone about but nobody seems to give a fuck! For the third year in a row i am gonna be spending christmas alone. A time your supposed to spend with family im spending it with the only family i have left. None. Being the reject of the family that i am. I spoke to my mum the other day for the first time in nearly 2 years and she did nothing but give me verbal abuse and i dont know who to turn to, to talk about it! i havent seen my councilor in a while now because she wasnt doing any good for me, the anti-depressents dont work and my throat keeps closing up causing me problems breathing! There are so many things i need to speak to someone about but nobody seems to give enough of a fuck to wanna listen to what i have to say anymore. The only person who had in the past is Laura and now fuck knows whats going on anymore :( the way things are going i could end up losing her by the morning.
Thats it im just gonna give up trying to be happy from now on cos no matter what i do there is always gonna be someone there standing in my way waiting to knock me back down again.