well here i am, dont know how to say this
(quick note, read this listening to a really sad, slow song. itll make more sense. cause thats what im doing when i write this. is listening to a sad song. it helps set the mood. otherwise, it might just be a bunch of bullshit that you will pass by. of course, im sure you will do that anyway. later)
im depressed. whats new? oh yeah....nothing. i just got off work. it sucked. so slow. i might have helped....3 people all day. whatever.
shrops lake was fun. got thrown off the tubes way too many times to count. fun shit. i wish i could have stayed. but work prevented that.
im depressed for a few reasons. the first....the song im listening to. dont know the name of it. its by saves the day. i love this band. so so amazing. anyway, its a slower song and all. but the lyrcis are amazing. my fav part is the bridge and chorus. they are as follows:
bridge:
ill make my way
across the frozen sea
behind the blank horizon
where i can forget u and me
and get a decent sleep
chorus
well here i am
dont know how to say this
only thing i know
is awkward silence
your eyelids close
when your around me
dont shut me out.
i thinks its beautiful. thats one reason im depressed. the other....oh, just the same reasons as before. alone. all alone. i look at shrop and his g/f. they are so perfect. thats what i want. lol. i dont want his girl. and im happy as hell for him. he really really does deserve a great girl. but still....im missing out i guess. they have a relationsip based on something that not many people do anymore. trust. oh yeah, remember that word? they trust each other so much. or maybe they dont care? no, thats not it. they trust. wish i had someone to trust. oh well. tis life i guess. i think im destined to die alone. and thats ok. thats enough about depressed shit. i dont want to ramble on about it.
that girl...the one from my job...shes 17. yeah, too young to date. but a good friend nonetheless. she seems cool. sometimes. shes into sc-fi crap. well, she likes harry potter shit. u know, mythical shit. whatever. its lame to me. but she seems cool. we'll see if we hang out. i dont know yet.
my very first g/f.....very hot...very very hot...i think wants me back. we've been hanging out a lot lately. i mean, she has always been my friend. shes the only g/f ive ever had that i still hang out with, and chill out with, and talk to. i wish there was just one other g/f i did that with. but im not going into that. anyway, the past few days ive seen her a few times. we ended up making out for a bit. it was...awkward. just cause. we were young when we went out. she 14. i was 16. so we didnt do all the kissing, all that crap. so its weird. anyway, she told me today she had a dream about us getting back together. i asked her if we were a good couple. she said yes. then she said all we wanted to do was have sex. i asked if i was any good. we have never had sex. she said i was very good. cant complain there. but this is coming from a girl who told ME it would be awkward to date me. i think if i asked her out, she would say yes. but i dont know if i want to. shes not the brightest person in the world. its ok. i dont judge. shes just slower than a lot of people. she knows her stuff. and is smart. just takes her a bit longer to actually say it. i know if we got together, it wouldnt be shrop and his g/f. like, we wouldnt have that. and thats what i want. but maybe thats not what i NEED. but i dont want to make a mistake, go out with her, and get bored with her. thats why i broke up with her in the first place. yeah, it sounds mean. but why stay with someone you get bored with? now that we are older, she has been pretty cool to hang with. but my past haunts me. it kills me. eats me alive. my past makes me think about things i dont want to think about since im older. but my past has a way of seeping into my head...my brain....my thoughts. i told the girls mom that i smoke to die. i told her that i smoke cause the way i look at it....if our band gets signed...yes, a long shot, but we have a chance....then after 10 years, the normal running life, i dont want to do anything else. i dont want to go from making millions playing music to a 9-5, so to smoke would take me away from that. it would allow me to play for my 10 years, live my 10 years after that, then leave this world. its stupid. i know. but remember, i think im destined to die alone. so why care? to watch every other happy couple walk by me, and leave me standing there with a smirk on my face...trying to hide my pain? eh, doesnt sound like fun to me. but we will see. i will probably look at all this totally different tomorrow. lol. thats the weird thing about me. among many others...is that i will get in these moods, where nothing makes sense, except to me. and then it hits me.......WHAT THE FUCK ARE U THINKING ABOUT? then i wake up. im sure ill wake up tomorrow. only question is...which sun will i be waking up to? the yellow, bright one? or the black, grey one? the one that drives happiness, or the one that drives despair? only time will answer that. as for me, im about to go find out. later everyone
im depressed. whats new? oh yeah....nothing. i just got off work. it sucked. so slow. i might have helped....3 people all day. whatever.
shrops lake was fun. got thrown off the tubes way too many times to count. fun shit. i wish i could have stayed. but work prevented that.
im depressed for a few reasons. the first....the song im listening to. dont know the name of it. its by saves the day. i love this band. so so amazing. anyway, its a slower song and all. but the lyrcis are amazing. my fav part is the bridge and chorus. they are as follows:
bridge:
ill make my way
across the frozen sea
behind the blank horizon
where i can forget u and me
and get a decent sleep
chorus
well here i am
dont know how to say this
only thing i know
is awkward silence
your eyelids close
when your around me
dont shut me out.
i thinks its beautiful. thats one reason im depressed. the other....oh, just the same reasons as before. alone. all alone. i look at shrop and his g/f. they are so perfect. thats what i want. lol. i dont want his girl. and im happy as hell for him. he really really does deserve a great girl. but still....im missing out i guess. they have a relationsip based on something that not many people do anymore. trust. oh yeah, remember that word? they trust each other so much. or maybe they dont care? no, thats not it. they trust. wish i had someone to trust. oh well. tis life i guess. i think im destined to die alone. and thats ok. thats enough about depressed shit. i dont want to ramble on about it.
that girl...the one from my job...shes 17. yeah, too young to date. but a good friend nonetheless. she seems cool. sometimes. shes into sc-fi crap. well, she likes harry potter shit. u know, mythical shit. whatever. its lame to me. but she seems cool. we'll see if we hang out. i dont know yet.
my very first g/f.....very hot...very very hot...i think wants me back. we've been hanging out a lot lately. i mean, she has always been my friend. shes the only g/f ive ever had that i still hang out with, and chill out with, and talk to. i wish there was just one other g/f i did that with. but im not going into that. anyway, the past few days ive seen her a few times. we ended up making out for a bit. it was...awkward. just cause. we were young when we went out. she 14. i was 16. so we didnt do all the kissing, all that crap. so its weird. anyway, she told me today she had a dream about us getting back together. i asked her if we were a good couple. she said yes. then she said all we wanted to do was have sex. i asked if i was any good. we have never had sex. she said i was very good. cant complain there. but this is coming from a girl who told ME it would be awkward to date me. i think if i asked her out, she would say yes. but i dont know if i want to. shes not the brightest person in the world. its ok. i dont judge. shes just slower than a lot of people. she knows her stuff. and is smart. just takes her a bit longer to actually say it. i know if we got together, it wouldnt be shrop and his g/f. like, we wouldnt have that. and thats what i want. but maybe thats not what i NEED. but i dont want to make a mistake, go out with her, and get bored with her. thats why i broke up with her in the first place. yeah, it sounds mean. but why stay with someone you get bored with? now that we are older, she has been pretty cool to hang with. but my past haunts me. it kills me. eats me alive. my past makes me think about things i dont want to think about since im older. but my past has a way of seeping into my head...my brain....my thoughts. i told the girls mom that i smoke to die. i told her that i smoke cause the way i look at it....if our band gets signed...yes, a long shot, but we have a chance....then after 10 years, the normal running life, i dont want to do anything else. i dont want to go from making millions playing music to a 9-5, so to smoke would take me away from that. it would allow me to play for my 10 years, live my 10 years after that, then leave this world. its stupid. i know. but remember, i think im destined to die alone. so why care? to watch every other happy couple walk by me, and leave me standing there with a smirk on my face...trying to hide my pain? eh, doesnt sound like fun to me. but we will see. i will probably look at all this totally different tomorrow. lol. thats the weird thing about me. among many others...is that i will get in these moods, where nothing makes sense, except to me. and then it hits me.......WHAT THE FUCK ARE U THINKING ABOUT? then i wake up. im sure ill wake up tomorrow. only question is...which sun will i be waking up to? the yellow, bright one? or the black, grey one? the one that drives happiness, or the one that drives despair? only time will answer that. as for me, im about to go find out. later everyone