(no subject)
To be honest, I hadn’t thought I’d actually get some sleep. I missed Cordelia, and I missed Angel as well. I missed my place and…. I just missed my home. There was no turning back for that now though. Angel would most probably stake me on sight and Cordelia…I don’t know what Cordy would do. I hope she’d listen to me when I tell her that I may be a vampire now, but I have a soul. Like Angel. Does that mean I can’t help perfect happiness either?
Then there was this fear that they’d stake my sire. My Spike. That’s how he felt to me now. My Spike, my sire, my…the only one I had. Aside from Tara. She’s the one who gave me my soul, while Spike was the one who gave me eternity. Part of me hated both of them for their gifts, would probably always do.
In a way neither of them had a choice, just like they had never given me a choice. Spike couldn’t let me die, Tara couldn’t let me walk around without a soul, like a vicious killer wreaking havoc on Sunnydale. Oh and havoc I would’ve had. I’d have tried to kill them all in my left over hatred for how they treated me during my tenure here as a watcher.
But now, I laid here with Spike’s arms wrapped protectively around me, all those thoughts were gone. All I could think about was….What now? I didn’t know, I was completely dependable on Spike. On what he wanted, or was going to do. Whatever he wanted, I would do. I was expecting that he’d stake his claim once it was just the two of us, but he hadn’t. Of course I’d been out like al light the moment my head hit the pillow. He still could’ve if he’d wanted to. He’s a master vampire, and I’m a mere fledgling after all.
So I did manage to get some sleep, only to wake up still feeling as though I’d not slept at all. Weary and bone tired , afraid and lost. And I couldn’t shake this thought from my brain. The thought that Spike should have a soul as well. But I couldn’t very well order him one, and I doubted Tara had enough power to do another ensouling spell so shortly after the one she had done on me. Besides, I doubt he’d go for it.
Instead I laid there, awake, wrapped up in Spike’s arms, while I was wrapped around him. I could hear Tara in the other room. Her steady heartbeat, the flow of her blood, her soft breathing and waited for Spike to wake up and tell me what we were going to do now.