random . . .
What a long day it has been. You know that day, when you wake up and you can just sense that it will be horrible? Yeah that was today! I got out of bed, and did not realize that my leg was wrapped in the blanket - so i fell and crashed my head on the side of my chair, which resulted in a splitting headache all day long. Between that, being in shitty voice, feeling nauseaus, havin gpoeple mad at me, pissing others off, feeling like the world was out to get me, mom freaking me out.... it was just weird.
But.... now I am sitting at the computer, trying to think some things through. I guess, I really don't know where my life is going right now. What am I doing with myself? Sometimes I really wonder if what I am doing is really, honestly what I am meant for? Do I have what it takes to be a performer or am I just wasting my time? I feel like some of my friends back me, but at the same time, alot of my family won't support me. They think that all that I am doing is wasting my time, screwing up my future by not getting an education degree. Well maybe they are right... I just really don't know.
People who know me, know that I worry about my future way too much. But I feel that I have to show something of myself. where I come from, in my family, you never do anything. You grow up, work in the family buisness and never do anything to make yourself stand out. I have never wanted that. I want out of my town, I want to make something of myself. I guess that my biggest fear is that I will never do that - will never reach the goals that I set for myself. Did I set them too high? Are they too impossible?
Another big problem is that I worry too much abotu what other people think. In every aspect of my life, I spend so much time trying to impress other people or do EXACTLY what it is that they expect of me, that i never realise what it is that makes ME happy. Sometimes I feel like I am wondering blindly, searching for answers that aren't there. Sometimes I feel that, no matter what i do, it isn't good enough.
Oh well. Sleep seems to make things look better in the morning... lets just hope that tomorow morning, I don't fall out of bed again. Becuase if I do, I may just get back in bed and not get up!
But.... now I am sitting at the computer, trying to think some things through. I guess, I really don't know where my life is going right now. What am I doing with myself? Sometimes I really wonder if what I am doing is really, honestly what I am meant for? Do I have what it takes to be a performer or am I just wasting my time? I feel like some of my friends back me, but at the same time, alot of my family won't support me. They think that all that I am doing is wasting my time, screwing up my future by not getting an education degree. Well maybe they are right... I just really don't know.
People who know me, know that I worry about my future way too much. But I feel that I have to show something of myself. where I come from, in my family, you never do anything. You grow up, work in the family buisness and never do anything to make yourself stand out. I have never wanted that. I want out of my town, I want to make something of myself. I guess that my biggest fear is that I will never do that - will never reach the goals that I set for myself. Did I set them too high? Are they too impossible?
Another big problem is that I worry too much abotu what other people think. In every aspect of my life, I spend so much time trying to impress other people or do EXACTLY what it is that they expect of me, that i never realise what it is that makes ME happy. Sometimes I feel like I am wondering blindly, searching for answers that aren't there. Sometimes I feel that, no matter what i do, it isn't good enough.
Oh well. Sleep seems to make things look better in the morning... lets just hope that tomorow morning, I don't fall out of bed again. Becuase if I do, I may just get back in bed and not get up!