Step One
Long talks with the family.
Serious discussions.
Honesty. At last.
Still a lot of loose ends, and I feel like we're losing time.
It won't be long until Leigh and Andrew are in another state. It won't be long before I'm distanced as well (even after Australia).
We're moving away from each other and we don't have enough holding us together right now.
That's not true. We have a lot holding us together. We're a very strong family. It just feels like we're drifting apart.
I know that happens in families, especially as we all grow older, but it's disconcerting to think of now. I'm sad that I won't be close when something big happens to them in the next couple of months. I'm afraid I won't be around when something huge happens when I'm up north.
I'm beginning to feel alone; like I'm setting out by myself and severing ties. It's hit me that, in 6 months' time, I'll no longer be under my parent's support. It'll be up to me. All of it.
And I'm making that step all by myself. No one is going with me. No one is there already, ready to be a safety net if I fail miserably.
If I fail, I fail alone.
Alone. I've been "alone" for a while now, since Chad, but I didn't realize that it was only a quasi-alone. I still had a lot. I still have a lot.
But come June 2008, I'll be alone for the first time in my life.
Well. That's sobering.
Let's get there first, Zachary, then we'll see how it goes.
Z
Serious discussions.
Honesty. At last.
Still a lot of loose ends, and I feel like we're losing time.
It won't be long until Leigh and Andrew are in another state. It won't be long before I'm distanced as well (even after Australia).
We're moving away from each other and we don't have enough holding us together right now.
That's not true. We have a lot holding us together. We're a very strong family. It just feels like we're drifting apart.
I know that happens in families, especially as we all grow older, but it's disconcerting to think of now. I'm sad that I won't be close when something big happens to them in the next couple of months. I'm afraid I won't be around when something huge happens when I'm up north.
I'm beginning to feel alone; like I'm setting out by myself and severing ties. It's hit me that, in 6 months' time, I'll no longer be under my parent's support. It'll be up to me. All of it.
And I'm making that step all by myself. No one is going with me. No one is there already, ready to be a safety net if I fail miserably.
If I fail, I fail alone.
Alone. I've been "alone" for a while now, since Chad, but I didn't realize that it was only a quasi-alone. I still had a lot. I still have a lot.
But come June 2008, I'll be alone for the first time in my life.
Well. That's sobering.
Let's get there first, Zachary, then we'll see how it goes.
Z