(no subject)
There are times in every person's life when you reach a breaking point. Sometimes, you know what brings on that ultimate peak of insanity. Other times, it's a silent trigger that can just make you realize that you've hit your limit and your tolerance for whatever it is drops to a the floor. In this life that I am dancing through the best I can, I realized I hit the breaking point with someone that I never expected to.
I can guess as to what caused this change in tolerance, but I can never be sure. Could it be my new job and the past week has been hell? Could it be that the person who I normally fight with every day has been gone for a week, thus causing me to transfer the agression onto the other person? Could it be that all the issues that I've pent up in the back of my head finally seeped through my self-proclaimed steel trap of a mind and are starting to leek towards my lips to only have them come out at this most random of times? I really don't know. Maybe it's a mix of the three, but it doesn't really matter as much as that it's happening.
I've noticed, that when conversing with this person, I have become sharp, unforgiving, and EXTREMELY impatient. Comfortable silences are now nails on a chalk board. Witty comments are now given a backhand reply. Lofty stories are ignored and brushed aside. I demand change instead of "I love you". I don't ask anymore...I demand.
After seeking advice from the woman who I admire, she agreed that I had reached my breaking point and I needed to console the one person I could ultimately trust: myself. True, I am the one causing the problem, but I am the only one who can truly solve it. Of course, if anyone has advice, it will be welcomed, noted, and taken into consideration so please, advise me. Yet, when the person who is receiving this abuse is questioned as to their choice of to continue the journey and to improve it with hard work or to stop dead in our tracks, they sat in silence.....which caused my heart to break. Threatened with the ending of an era, my supposed cold heart crumbled at soft breaths I could hear on the other line. This made me wonder if I had truly reached my breaking point or if this was all a facade.
Had I really had no other desire but to end this partnership or did I want to shock them into changing their attitude? I guess I'll just have to find out.
I can guess as to what caused this change in tolerance, but I can never be sure. Could it be my new job and the past week has been hell? Could it be that the person who I normally fight with every day has been gone for a week, thus causing me to transfer the agression onto the other person? Could it be that all the issues that I've pent up in the back of my head finally seeped through my self-proclaimed steel trap of a mind and are starting to leek towards my lips to only have them come out at this most random of times? I really don't know. Maybe it's a mix of the three, but it doesn't really matter as much as that it's happening.
I've noticed, that when conversing with this person, I have become sharp, unforgiving, and EXTREMELY impatient. Comfortable silences are now nails on a chalk board. Witty comments are now given a backhand reply. Lofty stories are ignored and brushed aside. I demand change instead of "I love you". I don't ask anymore...I demand.
After seeking advice from the woman who I admire, she agreed that I had reached my breaking point and I needed to console the one person I could ultimately trust: myself. True, I am the one causing the problem, but I am the only one who can truly solve it. Of course, if anyone has advice, it will be welcomed, noted, and taken into consideration so please, advise me. Yet, when the person who is receiving this abuse is questioned as to their choice of to continue the journey and to improve it with hard work or to stop dead in our tracks, they sat in silence.....which caused my heart to break. Threatened with the ending of an era, my supposed cold heart crumbled at soft breaths I could hear on the other line. This made me wonder if I had truly reached my breaking point or if this was all a facade.
Had I really had no other desire but to end this partnership or did I want to shock them into changing their attitude? I guess I'll just have to find out.