Five years
I was hit with the realization yesterday that next month, it will be five years since I graduated from high school.
I don't know what it is, but ever since I realized that, I haven't been able to stop thinking about how it's been five years and barely anything in my life has changed. I'm still so much the same person I was in high school - there's been nothing significant in my life in five fucking years. The only thing about my life that's different is that I don't live at home anymore. And even that - my parents pay my rent. And if they didn't, I wouldn't be able to afford it.
It's like - all of these people I know from high school - they have careers. They're married. They have kids. They have relationships. They're adults.
And I still feel like this perpetually geeky teenager that hasn't grown out of her awkwardness. I've still never had a boyfriend. I'm still a virgin. I don't have a career. I'm still in school - and I'll still be in school for at least another two years.
I don't know, I guess I just feel.. stuck. Like if nothing has changed in five years, when will it ever start to change? Will it be the same in another five years?
Sometimes I just feel like I'm walking around in this huge haze and that nothing ever changes to make me snap out of it. It's the same, old, boring, stupid life, day after day.
I suppose the fact that I'm currently at my parents' house for the purpose of packing up my room isn't helping. In less than a month, Hamilton won't be home anymore. Sixteen years we've lived in this house, and it won't be ours anymore in a few short weeks. I guess you could call it a significant change in my life, but it's not like I live at home anymore anyway.
I'm sufficiently depressed.
I don't know what it is, but ever since I realized that, I haven't been able to stop thinking about how it's been five years and barely anything in my life has changed. I'm still so much the same person I was in high school - there's been nothing significant in my life in five fucking years. The only thing about my life that's different is that I don't live at home anymore. And even that - my parents pay my rent. And if they didn't, I wouldn't be able to afford it.
It's like - all of these people I know from high school - they have careers. They're married. They have kids. They have relationships. They're adults.
And I still feel like this perpetually geeky teenager that hasn't grown out of her awkwardness. I've still never had a boyfriend. I'm still a virgin. I don't have a career. I'm still in school - and I'll still be in school for at least another two years.
I don't know, I guess I just feel.. stuck. Like if nothing has changed in five years, when will it ever start to change? Will it be the same in another five years?
Sometimes I just feel like I'm walking around in this huge haze and that nothing ever changes to make me snap out of it. It's the same, old, boring, stupid life, day after day.
I suppose the fact that I'm currently at my parents' house for the purpose of packing up my room isn't helping. In less than a month, Hamilton won't be home anymore. Sixteen years we've lived in this house, and it won't be ours anymore in a few short weeks. I guess you could call it a significant change in my life, but it's not like I live at home anymore anyway.
I'm sufficiently depressed.