Oh! The wonderous days of youth
......suck.
but anyway.... I'm sitting in the math tutoring lab using the internet... I do it often. haha. I'm so bored. Save me.
Life has gotten rather interesting of late. Not really in a good way. I need to learn that what happened in the past stayed there for a reason. ... (But I guess technically it hasn't stayed there... it keeps coming back like a retarded puppy that wants attention. )
In other news... I have a new room. And a new address... Also a new phone number. I haven't seen my dad in over a month. I actually kinda miss him. I don't have anyone in my life right now that I don't miss. Everyone is temporarily unavailable. I feel so cut off. I had a nightmare that I started working at Kroger again last night. I don't think I had a single comforting dream. I hate the state that I'm in. I was so happy for about 3 weeks. But I guess that it was my cover up. I miss Katy. I miss Carl. I miss my stupid uncaring father. I miss my belongings that are still at dads... unless he threw them away like he said he would. I don't like this. I want to be happy. Really happy. I hate wanting what I can't have. Why can't I have it? AGH. Thats my fucking problem. I tell myself I can't have it and then I believe that so I just sit around and wait for good things to happen.... Maybe I should go look. I think I'll do that.... But how do you look for happiness. And how do you maintain it when there is so much bullshit going on in your life that its all you can think about? le sigh.
but anyway.... I'm sitting in the math tutoring lab using the internet... I do it often. haha. I'm so bored. Save me.
Life has gotten rather interesting of late. Not really in a good way. I need to learn that what happened in the past stayed there for a reason. ... (But I guess technically it hasn't stayed there... it keeps coming back like a retarded puppy that wants attention. )
In other news... I have a new room. And a new address... Also a new phone number. I haven't seen my dad in over a month. I actually kinda miss him. I don't have anyone in my life right now that I don't miss. Everyone is temporarily unavailable. I feel so cut off. I had a nightmare that I started working at Kroger again last night. I don't think I had a single comforting dream. I hate the state that I'm in. I was so happy for about 3 weeks. But I guess that it was my cover up. I miss Katy. I miss Carl. I miss my stupid uncaring father. I miss my belongings that are still at dads... unless he threw them away like he said he would. I don't like this. I want to be happy. Really happy. I hate wanting what I can't have. Why can't I have it? AGH. Thats my fucking problem. I tell myself I can't have it and then I believe that so I just sit around and wait for good things to happen.... Maybe I should go look. I think I'll do that.... But how do you look for happiness. And how do you maintain it when there is so much bullshit going on in your life that its all you can think about? le sigh.