i dont have much to say...
but i am waiting for my camera to charge, so i might as well.
everything has been coming together, and falling apart at the same time. I realize so much about myself everyday, and i really feel like this xmas break is the most ground breaking time i have spent with myself yet. Ive been able to see how much work i need. I have concentraited so much on my work, and my career, and kinda left my well being, and all this other shit behind. It is as if I made myself believe that if I get a good job, it will define me, and everything else will kinda fall in place. I now see that I have horrible sober social skills, i have no control over my anger, i have a body that hates me, and i have no idea how to be alone with myself. It is time to let go of some things, and really start healing myself.... otherwise i will be horribly successfull, and yet horribly miserable, and I am starting to realize that it might not be worth it.
so... this new year the goals are:
-go to the Yoga Room at least twice a week (apart from yoga next semester at Pratt)
-eat only home food (unless its an occassion when I go out)
-save up money and buy things FOR MYSELF, not others.
-concentrait more on my appearance
-learn to slowly stop obsessing with my mother, and realize that she does not set a standard for the people in my life. seriously.
-be more forgiving of the mistakes of the people around me.
theres more, but if i get even half of these things accomplished I will be very happy.
i am fucking crazy.
everything has been coming together, and falling apart at the same time. I realize so much about myself everyday, and i really feel like this xmas break is the most ground breaking time i have spent with myself yet. Ive been able to see how much work i need. I have concentraited so much on my work, and my career, and kinda left my well being, and all this other shit behind. It is as if I made myself believe that if I get a good job, it will define me, and everything else will kinda fall in place. I now see that I have horrible sober social skills, i have no control over my anger, i have a body that hates me, and i have no idea how to be alone with myself. It is time to let go of some things, and really start healing myself.... otherwise i will be horribly successfull, and yet horribly miserable, and I am starting to realize that it might not be worth it.
so... this new year the goals are:
-go to the Yoga Room at least twice a week (apart from yoga next semester at Pratt)
-eat only home food (unless its an occassion when I go out)
-save up money and buy things FOR MYSELF, not others.
-concentrait more on my appearance
-learn to slowly stop obsessing with my mother, and realize that she does not set a standard for the people in my life. seriously.
-be more forgiving of the mistakes of the people around me.
theres more, but if i get even half of these things accomplished I will be very happy.
i am fucking crazy.