(no subject)
no. it's not as easy as everyone says. for a person who acts as sure as I always do, I've never been so unsure in my life. Of myself, of my feelings, of what I've really wanted the past 8 months of my life to really become or not become. I'm unsure of my past feelings. Does that even make any freaking sense? Of course it doesn't. I'm a mess. My life consists of mile long jogs and countless hours at Starbucks reading since Sunday night. I can't stop. It sucks to not be around people. It sucks to be alone. It sucks to feel alone. It sucks when Starbucks is crowded with familliar faces and I still feel more alone than I ever have. It sucks to finally be sorry. It sucks to be ready. It sucks to miss you. It sucks to not know where I stand. It sucks to lace my shoes up to go running because even that has became a painful process. I hate being unsure. But more than anything else in the world, I hate being absolutely positively and without a doubt in my mind, sure.