it is a little ridiculous. everything is.
change is one of the best things that could ever be. this summer is full of changes -- most for the better. i have reconnected w friends of the past & found new ones that will never be forgotten. my love for scott is ... i could not even tell you how i feel about him because at this point i am at a loss for words. he is still hiding there in the back of my mind, but my first thought always ends up to be hatred for him. i don't know who he is anymore. i thought i knew him so well, but really i never knew him at all. it is terrible to find out that a friend was never a friend at all. especially when you care for them more than you care about yourself. he is a jerk. a tease. a flirt. an ass. a pussy. a bitch. unreliable. self-involved. confused. a mess. a philosopher. a medic. a boy. a child. nothing -- to me.
i found new loves -- hott dates w coffee & hamburgers & little coconut cups & entourage. boys who actually want & enjoy my company. i am supposed to have a date this week, even ! they talk to me, they care. i love them not him. i don't want them to go to israel & try to save the world. i must save the world. that was my job. but first i need to save myself. save myself from pain & all the pointless blunders that fall in front of me. i need to run away from who i am & find a girl who knows who she is & what she wants & knows all the ways of the world. she will know the secrets of men & the corporate world. she will dazzle all who come across her & burn holes in peoples hearts. her life will be perfect in every way & love will only be the icing on the cake. she will travel to her heart's most desired places & learn every language under the sun. she will live. just live. & be happy.
i found new loves -- hott dates w coffee & hamburgers & little coconut cups & entourage. boys who actually want & enjoy my company. i am supposed to have a date this week, even ! they talk to me, they care. i love them not him. i don't want them to go to israel & try to save the world. i must save the world. that was my job. but first i need to save myself. save myself from pain & all the pointless blunders that fall in front of me. i need to run away from who i am & find a girl who knows who she is & what she wants & knows all the ways of the world. she will know the secrets of men & the corporate world. she will dazzle all who come across her & burn holes in peoples hearts. her life will be perfect in every way & love will only be the icing on the cake. she will travel to her heart's most desired places & learn every language under the sun. she will live. just live. & be happy.