perdendo; losing volume, fading into nothing, dying away (wip)
perdendo; losing volume, fading into nothing, dying away
kyumin
pg-13
2,100 words
sungmin meets university student kyuhyun, falls in love, and lies.
notes ♥ I just wrote this to experiment with the first person narration. not sure how I feel about it. in the end I do prefer third person narrative, but we'll see how this goes. I have no immediate plans of continuing this, but I might reconsider.
UPDATE 27/08/14: fixed some errors and added some sentences to ease flow.
Kyuhyun was just a kid when I met him, barely twenty and ready to conquer the world. He was majoring in postmodern classical music, said he wanted to be a composer when he had finished his studies. I found him elegant and smart, envied his knowledge, and felt a thug at my heartstrings when he told me about crescendo, diminuendo and perdendo. The way the foreign words rolled off his lips was merely fascinating, if not alluring and tempting.
The first time Kyuhyun grinned at me, I knew he was the one.
The first time I met him, I lied.
-
It was 7.43 p.m. and I was clutching my coat around myself, burying my face in my copper colored scarf as I checked the time for the nth time that evening. Our appointment was set at 7.30 p.m. outside the movie theatre. However as usual, Kyuhyun was running late. Very late.
The wind was icy and merciless against my bare skin, and I tried to cover the remaining of my exposed face with my dark locks of hair. My body was shuddering to the point it was painful, and I had started chewing my lower lip again, a bad habit I actually had put off. People passed, conversations mingling between them, and suddenly I felt lonely, standing by myself as families, friends and lovers entered the movie theatre.
Six minutes passed before he approached me with red, quivering cheeks matching mine, breathing out an apology as he gave me a one-handed hug. He smelled of washing powder, cologne and fresh November air, and as he beamed at me, my heart skipped a beat.
"Ready to go?" he asked, voice cracking as if he was getting a cold. I nodded at him, mirroring his smile and gasping as the crisp, cold air hit my face again. Kyuhyun winked at me and put his arm over my shoulders, squeezing tightly before letting go, and then we strolled down the streets heading for Daisy Bar. I wanted to laugh of the joy swirling inside of me, but settled for a faint smile that lingered.
-
Daisy Bar was not outstanding in any way. The interior was pretty basic; the floor was layered in warm wood, the chairs and sofas were coated in leather, and the place was oozing of smoke, beer and perfume. Women and men were engaged in loud laughter, glasses were clunked against each other, and in the corner were a silent group that passed cigarettes while murmuring private stories.
Kyuhyun and I had gone to this bar ever since we met, primarily because it had cheap beer, but also because somehow, no other place seemed to be good enough for us. This was where it had started; this was where everything would happen.
Sometimes we would encounter a couple of Kyuhyun's friends from campus, and when we did, he would always introduce me to them, talking warmly about how I was one of the strangest people he'd ever had the displeasure to know, all while wearing a mischievous glimmer in his eyes. He had his arm casually around my waist as he chattered with a group of four guys and two girls, and I let my gaze fare off to the other people populating the bar. I smiled and nodded whenever someone mentioned me, answered shortly if someone ever directed a question at me or asked for my opinion; I was relieved that they rarely did.
"Hey, Sungmin, I’m gonna go grab a beer. Wanna come?" Kyuhyun asked, poking me in the sides. I flinched and slapped his hand away, giving him a nod.
"Yeah, sure. Your treat, right?"
Kyuhyun's face fell comically.
"Come on, I'm a student! Give me some slack, will you?"
I laughed and ushered him towards the bar, shaking my head while telling him that I would pay instead.
Kyuhyun didn't know I was older than him. The first time I met him, I subtracted my age with six years so I would be his age. I found it easier that way. For once, I just wanted to fool around and have the excuse that I'm young. As soon as you're older than the rest, an authority automatically falls upon you, and with authority comes responsibility. However, as much as I do like responsibility, and not to mention control, this recklessness and freedom was something I would like to try. I was often complimented for my boyish appearance, so I could easily pass as a twenty-year-old. It couldn't hurt, right?
Kyuhyun ordered a pint of beer and I did the same, tapping my fingers against the counter as I waited for my drink. The tapping sent me into a thoughtful trance, and I looked at Kyuhyun from the corner of my eyes, quirking a guilty smile when his eyes met mine.
"Feeling philosophical today, are we?"
I hummed. "I suppose."
"One beer for your thoughts?"
I chuckled and looked down at the counter, bangs casting shadows over my cheeks. Kyuhyun chuckled too, putting his elbow over the counter and resting his head on top of his hand, eyes boring into me. I chanced on a glance.
"What happened to the 'I'm a student so I'm broke' excuse? One beer is a lot for a thought," I said, smirking. Kyuhyun grimaced at me, and that was the end of the discussion.
The bartender served our drinks, and we sipped them in silence until we could see the bottom. When we were ordering round three, Kyuhyun spoke up.
"So, have you been engaged in any relationships lately?"
His tone was nonchalant, but the twitch of his lips gave him away. I watched him as I took a long sip of my beer, feeling the haze starting to work its magic.
"No, I'm not. Single as a sock that just came out of the washing machine."
Kyuhyun scowled at me as if I was crazy, scoffing at my simile with a lopsided smirk.
"Have you had a lot of relationships then?" Kyuhyun then asked, both elbows at the counter now, upper body facing the rest of the bar while he leaned backwards.
"No," I answered honestly, eyes following Kyuhyun's, which were faltering from every person in the room to another.
"How about fuckbuddies then?"
I gave him a flat look.
"No?"
This was starting to feel like an interrogation, and I pondered over Kyuhyun's intentions. Kyuhyun turned to me, frowning.
"You really have and have had nothing at all?" Kyuhyun scoffed in disbelief. "You're not a virgin, are you?"
I chuckled as I downed the last bit of my beer, murmuring to the bartender for another round. Kyuhyun gave a sign with his hand that he wanted one too, eyes never leaving me.
"No, I'm not. I had a boyfriend, once."
Kyuhyun quirked an eyebrow.
"A boyfriend?"
"A boyfriend."
Kyuhyun’s eyes were wide as he eyed me, taking a big sip of his newly refilled beer. He then smiled warmly, chuckling by himself until his eyes returned to the bar.
-
New Year's Eve, and Kyuhyun had gathered all of his friends by the riverbank of the Han River to celebrate. We had all been with our families earlier and performed the traditions; now was the time to really let go and have some fun.
I was introduced to a whole new set of people, all attending the same university as Kyuhyun. Two of them, Shim Changmin and Lee Jonghyun, had brought drinks, and one named Kim Ryeowook had brought snacks. There was a girl named Victoria there, a Chinese girl who had moved to South Korea a couple of years ago to study modern dance, and lastly there was a guy younger than the rest here, a high school graduate named Choi Minho. Everyone greeted me well, and I got more or less along with all of them. I found it easier to talk to Victoria, though, because she seemed a bit more mature than the rest. Could be because she was a quiet type that didn't care much to jump at the others, scream their names in their ears and then snatch their drinks like certain Minhos and Changmins.
Kyuhyun was everywhere. It wasn't easy to get in touch with him, so I hung out with Victoria mostly, and had a long (drunken) discussion with Ryeowook about how to make the best Kimchi stew. I was talking with Jonghyun about guitar playing, and I found out that Minho had tried martial arts during middle school. When I had drunk too much, Victoria was sitting my by side, patting my back as I vomited up my misery.
Sometime during the night, Kyuhyun had me against the wall in an alleyway a few yards from the riverbank. I had no memory of how we got there, except the vague picture in my head where Kyuhyun had taken my hand and pulled me out from the group in the middle of Changmin's lame joke.
His body was entrapping mine, and the shadows and the distance were concealing us from the others' view. Hot breath tickling my ear, he was humming lowly, like a cat's purring.
"Sungmin..."
His lips were gracing the skin between my ear and jawline and I shuddered, fingers gripping the fabric of his jacket. His hands advanced into my coat and rested gently to my hips. He drew me in. My body leaned into him and I took in his intoxicating scent, figuring he wore a different cologne, musky and deep-exotic. His lips teased mine, brushing at the corners, my philthrum, but never met them spot-on. I groaned, tugging at his jacket, and he let out a breathy chuckle.
"Your breath stinks of liquor," he murmured, and I kicked his shins.
"Way to ruin the mood, moron," I groaned, fingers grasping at his biceps, hoping it would bruise. Kyuhyun winced by the force, nibbling his lower lip as he squeezed his eyes shut. Feeling vengeful, I applied more pressure, and he started shaking. Then to my surprise, a moan escaped past his flush lips, and my breath got clogged up.
"Liking this?" I whispered in surprise. My grip loosened by reflex and he made a sound from the back of his throat. He gave me a shaky nod, finally opening his eyes to look into mine. His eyes were dark as coal, glistering, and crimson color crept up to his cheeks.
"You're sick," I said in a low voice, smirking at him as I tried to tame my feeling of helplessness and wobbly knees. Kyuhyun leaned in, burying his face in the crook of my neck and inhaled deeply through his nose.
"Can't blame me," he said, breath tickling the skin of my neck. "But don't you even try to tell me you don't like it as well."
That night, we ended up in my apartment, tangled in my white sheets as moans echoed in empty rooms.
-
I woke up alone, shivering of the cold and cursing because I couldn't find any painkillers. Clutching my pillow, I detached myself from the comfort of the bed and staggered into the kitchen, looking for my phone. My flat was a mess from the night before, my clothes lying around everywhere. By the kitchen there was a broken bowl, as we probably had nudged it sometime as we stumbled into the room.
I eventually found it under layers of clothes and tapped a button, the display screen showing me five notifications. Missed calls from my family of three and two messages. Figuring I could call my family back later, I checked my messages. One was from Donghee, a friend from my university days, and the other was from Kyuhyun. Seeing Kyuhyun's name, my heart leapt, and I reluctantly opened the message.
Cho Kyuhyun:
Had to leave early. Family matters. We'll talk later.
07:37, 01.01.2011
Later. Feeling strength ebb away from my fingers, I closed my eyes, inhaling sharply as I closed the message and opened the other one.
Shin Donghee:
happy happy birthday minnie!!!^^ makin u a party tonight! is 10 pm ok??
00:01, 01.01.2011
I shut off my phone and went back to bed with heavy steps, burying my face in the sheets and drowning myself in the lingering scent of Kyuhyun. I knew I was screwed, and instead of anticipating the birthday party tonight, the only thing I was thinking about was how much I did not look forward to Kyuhyun’s “later”. Or, in fact, couldn't wait to see him again. Which was just as bad.
p.s. if you want to read more I'd love to know (edit: LOL i'd also like to know what you liked about it)
p.s.s. does anyone know what to call "a half litre of beer" bc I feel like it's another name for it. thanks seeeno ;; apparently it's called "a pint".
p.s.s.s. I actually wrote this last year or smth
kyumin
pg-13
2,100 words
sungmin meets university student kyuhyun, falls in love, and lies.
notes ♥ I just wrote this to experiment with the first person narration. not sure how I feel about it. in the end I do prefer third person narrative, but we'll see how this goes. I have no immediate plans of continuing this, but I might reconsider.
UPDATE 27/08/14: fixed some errors and added some sentences to ease flow.
Kyuhyun was just a kid when I met him, barely twenty and ready to conquer the world. He was majoring in postmodern classical music, said he wanted to be a composer when he had finished his studies. I found him elegant and smart, envied his knowledge, and felt a thug at my heartstrings when he told me about crescendo, diminuendo and perdendo. The way the foreign words rolled off his lips was merely fascinating, if not alluring and tempting.
The first time Kyuhyun grinned at me, I knew he was the one.
The first time I met him, I lied.
-
It was 7.43 p.m. and I was clutching my coat around myself, burying my face in my copper colored scarf as I checked the time for the nth time that evening. Our appointment was set at 7.30 p.m. outside the movie theatre. However as usual, Kyuhyun was running late. Very late.
The wind was icy and merciless against my bare skin, and I tried to cover the remaining of my exposed face with my dark locks of hair. My body was shuddering to the point it was painful, and I had started chewing my lower lip again, a bad habit I actually had put off. People passed, conversations mingling between them, and suddenly I felt lonely, standing by myself as families, friends and lovers entered the movie theatre.
Six minutes passed before he approached me with red, quivering cheeks matching mine, breathing out an apology as he gave me a one-handed hug. He smelled of washing powder, cologne and fresh November air, and as he beamed at me, my heart skipped a beat.
"Ready to go?" he asked, voice cracking as if he was getting a cold. I nodded at him, mirroring his smile and gasping as the crisp, cold air hit my face again. Kyuhyun winked at me and put his arm over my shoulders, squeezing tightly before letting go, and then we strolled down the streets heading for Daisy Bar. I wanted to laugh of the joy swirling inside of me, but settled for a faint smile that lingered.
-
Daisy Bar was not outstanding in any way. The interior was pretty basic; the floor was layered in warm wood, the chairs and sofas were coated in leather, and the place was oozing of smoke, beer and perfume. Women and men were engaged in loud laughter, glasses were clunked against each other, and in the corner were a silent group that passed cigarettes while murmuring private stories.
Kyuhyun and I had gone to this bar ever since we met, primarily because it had cheap beer, but also because somehow, no other place seemed to be good enough for us. This was where it had started; this was where everything would happen.
Sometimes we would encounter a couple of Kyuhyun's friends from campus, and when we did, he would always introduce me to them, talking warmly about how I was one of the strangest people he'd ever had the displeasure to know, all while wearing a mischievous glimmer in his eyes. He had his arm casually around my waist as he chattered with a group of four guys and two girls, and I let my gaze fare off to the other people populating the bar. I smiled and nodded whenever someone mentioned me, answered shortly if someone ever directed a question at me or asked for my opinion; I was relieved that they rarely did.
"Hey, Sungmin, I’m gonna go grab a beer. Wanna come?" Kyuhyun asked, poking me in the sides. I flinched and slapped his hand away, giving him a nod.
"Yeah, sure. Your treat, right?"
Kyuhyun's face fell comically.
"Come on, I'm a student! Give me some slack, will you?"
I laughed and ushered him towards the bar, shaking my head while telling him that I would pay instead.
Kyuhyun didn't know I was older than him. The first time I met him, I subtracted my age with six years so I would be his age. I found it easier that way. For once, I just wanted to fool around and have the excuse that I'm young. As soon as you're older than the rest, an authority automatically falls upon you, and with authority comes responsibility. However, as much as I do like responsibility, and not to mention control, this recklessness and freedom was something I would like to try. I was often complimented for my boyish appearance, so I could easily pass as a twenty-year-old. It couldn't hurt, right?
Kyuhyun ordered a pint of beer and I did the same, tapping my fingers against the counter as I waited for my drink. The tapping sent me into a thoughtful trance, and I looked at Kyuhyun from the corner of my eyes, quirking a guilty smile when his eyes met mine.
"Feeling philosophical today, are we?"
I hummed. "I suppose."
"One beer for your thoughts?"
I chuckled and looked down at the counter, bangs casting shadows over my cheeks. Kyuhyun chuckled too, putting his elbow over the counter and resting his head on top of his hand, eyes boring into me. I chanced on a glance.
"What happened to the 'I'm a student so I'm broke' excuse? One beer is a lot for a thought," I said, smirking. Kyuhyun grimaced at me, and that was the end of the discussion.
The bartender served our drinks, and we sipped them in silence until we could see the bottom. When we were ordering round three, Kyuhyun spoke up.
"So, have you been engaged in any relationships lately?"
His tone was nonchalant, but the twitch of his lips gave him away. I watched him as I took a long sip of my beer, feeling the haze starting to work its magic.
"No, I'm not. Single as a sock that just came out of the washing machine."
Kyuhyun scowled at me as if I was crazy, scoffing at my simile with a lopsided smirk.
"Have you had a lot of relationships then?" Kyuhyun then asked, both elbows at the counter now, upper body facing the rest of the bar while he leaned backwards.
"No," I answered honestly, eyes following Kyuhyun's, which were faltering from every person in the room to another.
"How about fuckbuddies then?"
I gave him a flat look.
"No?"
This was starting to feel like an interrogation, and I pondered over Kyuhyun's intentions. Kyuhyun turned to me, frowning.
"You really have and have had nothing at all?" Kyuhyun scoffed in disbelief. "You're not a virgin, are you?"
I chuckled as I downed the last bit of my beer, murmuring to the bartender for another round. Kyuhyun gave a sign with his hand that he wanted one too, eyes never leaving me.
"No, I'm not. I had a boyfriend, once."
Kyuhyun quirked an eyebrow.
"A boyfriend?"
"A boyfriend."
Kyuhyun’s eyes were wide as he eyed me, taking a big sip of his newly refilled beer. He then smiled warmly, chuckling by himself until his eyes returned to the bar.
-
New Year's Eve, and Kyuhyun had gathered all of his friends by the riverbank of the Han River to celebrate. We had all been with our families earlier and performed the traditions; now was the time to really let go and have some fun.
I was introduced to a whole new set of people, all attending the same university as Kyuhyun. Two of them, Shim Changmin and Lee Jonghyun, had brought drinks, and one named Kim Ryeowook had brought snacks. There was a girl named Victoria there, a Chinese girl who had moved to South Korea a couple of years ago to study modern dance, and lastly there was a guy younger than the rest here, a high school graduate named Choi Minho. Everyone greeted me well, and I got more or less along with all of them. I found it easier to talk to Victoria, though, because she seemed a bit more mature than the rest. Could be because she was a quiet type that didn't care much to jump at the others, scream their names in their ears and then snatch their drinks like certain Minhos and Changmins.
Kyuhyun was everywhere. It wasn't easy to get in touch with him, so I hung out with Victoria mostly, and had a long (drunken) discussion with Ryeowook about how to make the best Kimchi stew. I was talking with Jonghyun about guitar playing, and I found out that Minho had tried martial arts during middle school. When I had drunk too much, Victoria was sitting my by side, patting my back as I vomited up my misery.
Sometime during the night, Kyuhyun had me against the wall in an alleyway a few yards from the riverbank. I had no memory of how we got there, except the vague picture in my head where Kyuhyun had taken my hand and pulled me out from the group in the middle of Changmin's lame joke.
His body was entrapping mine, and the shadows and the distance were concealing us from the others' view. Hot breath tickling my ear, he was humming lowly, like a cat's purring.
"Sungmin..."
His lips were gracing the skin between my ear and jawline and I shuddered, fingers gripping the fabric of his jacket. His hands advanced into my coat and rested gently to my hips. He drew me in. My body leaned into him and I took in his intoxicating scent, figuring he wore a different cologne, musky and deep-exotic. His lips teased mine, brushing at the corners, my philthrum, but never met them spot-on. I groaned, tugging at his jacket, and he let out a breathy chuckle.
"Your breath stinks of liquor," he murmured, and I kicked his shins.
"Way to ruin the mood, moron," I groaned, fingers grasping at his biceps, hoping it would bruise. Kyuhyun winced by the force, nibbling his lower lip as he squeezed his eyes shut. Feeling vengeful, I applied more pressure, and he started shaking. Then to my surprise, a moan escaped past his flush lips, and my breath got clogged up.
"Liking this?" I whispered in surprise. My grip loosened by reflex and he made a sound from the back of his throat. He gave me a shaky nod, finally opening his eyes to look into mine. His eyes were dark as coal, glistering, and crimson color crept up to his cheeks.
"You're sick," I said in a low voice, smirking at him as I tried to tame my feeling of helplessness and wobbly knees. Kyuhyun leaned in, burying his face in the crook of my neck and inhaled deeply through his nose.
"Can't blame me," he said, breath tickling the skin of my neck. "But don't you even try to tell me you don't like it as well."
That night, we ended up in my apartment, tangled in my white sheets as moans echoed in empty rooms.
-
I woke up alone, shivering of the cold and cursing because I couldn't find any painkillers. Clutching my pillow, I detached myself from the comfort of the bed and staggered into the kitchen, looking for my phone. My flat was a mess from the night before, my clothes lying around everywhere. By the kitchen there was a broken bowl, as we probably had nudged it sometime as we stumbled into the room.
I eventually found it under layers of clothes and tapped a button, the display screen showing me five notifications. Missed calls from my family of three and two messages. Figuring I could call my family back later, I checked my messages. One was from Donghee, a friend from my university days, and the other was from Kyuhyun. Seeing Kyuhyun's name, my heart leapt, and I reluctantly opened the message.
Cho Kyuhyun:
Had to leave early. Family matters. We'll talk later.
07:37, 01.01.2011
Later. Feeling strength ebb away from my fingers, I closed my eyes, inhaling sharply as I closed the message and opened the other one.
Shin Donghee:
happy happy birthday minnie!!!^^ makin u a party tonight! is 10 pm ok??
00:01, 01.01.2011
I shut off my phone and went back to bed with heavy steps, burying my face in the sheets and drowning myself in the lingering scent of Kyuhyun. I knew I was screwed, and instead of anticipating the birthday party tonight, the only thing I was thinking about was how much I did not look forward to Kyuhyun’s “later”. Or, in fact, couldn't wait to see him again. Which was just as bad.
p.s. if you want to read more I'd love to know (edit: LOL i'd also like to know what you liked about it)
p.s.s. does anyone know what to call "a half litre of beer" bc I feel like it's another name for it. thanks seeeno ;; apparently it's called "a pint".
p.s.s.s. I actually wrote this last year or smth