123. #365DaysWithEXO
As an EXO fan, there will always be certain dates from EXO's first year that especially stick out in my mind.
121221. EXO’s first teaser is released online. The first EXO member, Kai, is introduced to the world. At the time, I didn’t think much of EXO. Now, over one year later, I wonder how things would be different if I had supported EXO since the beginning. I wonder what my reaction would have been if I told my one-year-younger self that this guy in this teaser, this guy I was writing off as nothing special, would eventually become my ultimate bias; that I would eventually stan this group of twelve boys like I’ve never stanned another k-pop group before. Now, I wonder what was going on in Kai’s and the rest of EXO’s minds when this teaser was unleashed online. Nervousness? Apprehension? Relief? But, regardless, I watch EXO’s first teaser and I quickly forget about them, twenty two more teasers and two prologue singles later.
120407. The music video for EXO’s title song of their first mini album, “MAMA,” is released. I remember thinking, “ahh, this is that teaser group. Let’s see if they’re doing better.” I loaded the video on youtube and going “what the--?” at the narrative story introduction - I thought I had clicked on the wrong video. But despite first impressions and my skeptical nature, I like the music video a lot, and I love the song even more. The Gregorian chants, the twelve powers, the orchestra in the background, the dramatic sounds, the choreography - I loved everything. “MAMA” leads me to listen to the rest of EXO’s first mini album and I end up loving every single track. That was unexpected. But I refused to take the effort to learn more about EXO and to get to know all the EXO members. I was a fan of many k-pop groups already; I did not need more, especially one that was made up of twelve members.
1203331; 120401. The dates of EXO’s debut showcases in Seoul and Beijing, respectively. The reason why I present this out of chronological order is because I did not watch their showcase until after I listened to the MAMA mini album. I resisted for an entire month, but curiosity got the better of me as a couple of my friends became EXO fans (thank you, Chin, for spamming my tumblr dashboard daily with EXO and for encouraging me to learn who the members are). But once I watched the debut showcase, I found myself falling in love with EXO. The members were talented and funny, and there was especially one - Kai - who caught my interest. Things were not going according to plan, to say the least. When Chanyeol later says that all twelve EXO members are traps, he was not kidding; I’d fallen for them, big time.
120917. EXO as a whole and EXO-M win their first award at Mengniu Billboard Music Awards. I was so proud of them that day. And when the video the fans made for EXO-M started playing, when all the EXO-M members started crying, even the usually serious-faced duizhang Kris - the moment I felt the tip of my nose burning and the tears starting to well up, I knew that EXO had become a very special group, at least to me. Yes, I’m an emotional and sentimental person, but that doesn’t mean that I shed tears over a k-pop group, of all things, easily. This was the first time I cried over any k-pop group, musical artist, or celebrity. K-pop is and was meant to be a happy experience for me, since when had I become so attached to any k-pop group that I no longer only felt the happiness, but also the sadness too? But every time I see Lay cry so hard that he couldn’t speak (“How do you feel, Zhang Yixing?” the MC asked, and all Lay could choke out was “不知道… 谢谢!”), Luhan furiously blinking back the tears, Tao letting it all run down his face and avoiding eye contact, Chen smiling his usual bright smile and trying to discreetly wipe the tears away when they bowed, Kris trying to comfort Lay but failing to stop his own tears, Xiumin understanding the fans’ sentiments despite the language barrier... when all six bowed at ninety degrees for an extended period of time to thank the fans (which I think got to me more than the tears did), I can’t help but think about what brought the six of them there. Who knows how many nights out of the five years Kris trained at SM were spent willing himself not to call home. Who knows what exactly drives Lay to dance until he can’t dance anymore. Who knows what struggles Chen and Xiumin face when trying to succeed in a foreign country. Who knows what any of their trainee lives were like.
“4 + 2 is not just a collision of cultures, it’s their passion towards music and their dreams. 6 + n is their endless love for you (the fans).” Seeing the EXO fandom come together after EXO won their first award, I knew our love for them was endless too. And I wanted our love to drive them to success, to win them every award they deserved. Why are they thanking us (the “angels” Kris said who were always by their side), I thought, when we should be thanking them?
121130. The Mnet Asian Music Awards in Kuala Lumpur. Not only did EXO snag another rookie award, they also put on an amazing special stage. Their “Warrior’s Descendant”/”Mirotic”/”Lucifer” performance was a joy to watch, but what I will remember the most out of this day was having an entire stressful week of midterms and having only two hours of sleep the night before the MAMAs but still staying up all night to stream the event, from the red carpet to the MC’s closing speech, from night to well into the next morning. It’s a night I will never forget because I had so much fun streaming the awards ceremony from my computer with twitter, tumblr, and exochocolate all opened at the same time to talk to (read: scream and keyboard smash at) my fandom friends. It’s one of my favorite fandom experiences, and it’s what has characterized my stay in EXO fandom. I have never seen and I may never see EXO perform in person - I can’t physically stand in the audience to cheer them on - but I can still support them in my own way. And this is why it’s important to me to stream them winning at the Gayo Daejuns, the Golden Disk Awards (130115), and also the Seoul Music Awards (130131).
130314. On this day, Kris flew back to Seoul. Kris Watch 2013 started when it seemed like he suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth after he was last sighted going to BoA’s concert on 130127 with the rest of EXO. After that, nothing. I won’t ever forget the amount of tension and restlessness that was in the fandom during his prolonged disappearance. There were new rumors every other day, it seemed, of EXO disbanding, of EXO’s comeback (which as of today still has yet to happen! But I will wait) being delayed because of Kris, of Kris leaving EXO permanently. Kris is one of my biases and has an undisputedly important role in EXO as leader and I couldn’t imagine EXO without him. Being a worrywart and a Kris stan during this time is not a good combination at all. I began to irrationally fear that my beloved EXO was falling apart. I cried when he was spotted in Guangzhou, Hong Kong, and Vancouver sometime in February. Kris kept saying, “wait for me, I’ll come back,” but I still worried. I - as well as many other fans, I’m sure - felt such an immense sense of relief when Kris came back to Korea after over two months, but nobody was at ease until Kris finally attended his first official event in three months at the Super Joint Concert in Bangkok (130330).
130408. Today. The first anniversary. It’s been one year of a wild roller coaster ride of emotions, one that I never anticipated on riding when I unwittingly became an EXO fan. I might have lost my sanity and emotional stability a couple of times (kidding!) but the only thing that I regret is not becoming a fan sooner. Yes, I’m mad that we still have not gotten a comeback, and I’m mad that SM didn’t even plan an anniversary fan meeting or party to commemorate this special day, but I’m nowhere near giving up on EXO. As I read all the messages the EXO members wrote today on the fanboards, both sassy and cheesy, I am reminded again and again of why I love EXO so much.
There are many memories from this first year that I will never forget, both happy and sad: Kai and Lay proving their main dancer titles in “Spectrum;” OT12 at Happy Camp; Kris singing “至少还有你” to the fans for his birthday; Chanyeol and Lay playing the guitars and Kris playing the drums for “Hawak Kamay” at DKFC; Kai falling down at the airport and getting injured because of the fans’ pushing; EXO going crazy at noraebang at S.M.Art Exhibition; the chills that ran up and down my spine listening to EXO-M sing “Open Arms” at the Super Joint Concert; Kris and Lay failing at charades in the iFeng interview; OT12 performing “MAMA” together on Inkigayo; EXO never knowing which way to exit the stage; watching Tao awe everybody at the Idol Sports Championships; “我家有四口人”; Lay slipping and falling in the middle of a performance at SMTOWN Singapore; EXO at Disneyland; “Wolf” and “365” being leaked (OH GOD I DIED LAUGHING THAT DAY. “Geure wolf naega wolf awooooooo”); Kris’ aegyo at K-Con; all the times Kai danced to “Angel”; and every single OT12 picture.
The last eleven months or so I’ve been an EXO fan have been some of the happiest of my life and, for that, I need to say thank you to EXO. Thank you for putting a smile on my face when I was too stressed out by school and by work. Thank you for being such big dorks who make me laugh hysterically all the time. Thank you for inspiring me to work hard and follow my dreams. Because of you, I have started writing again after having given it up for years. Thank you for the sleepless nights of staying up to watch all your interviews and shows and of capslocking on twitter because, gull, I can’t explain what I feel. And thank you for allowing to meet so many great people who love you guys as much as I do. I have made so many friends in the EXO fandom (if you’re reading this, you know who you are). It’s the first time I’ve been so involved with a fandom: writing fanfics, participating in a community (shoutout to exochocolate!), supporting fansites, and more.
Huang Zitao, thank you for being the biggest OT12 supporter there ever was. I love you for your words of wisdom and your quickness to point out when the fans have crossed the line. You are the least idol-like of them all; thank you for always not being afraid of being yourself, for never being afraid of truthfully saying what’s on your mind.
Luhan, thank you for giving the other members a shoulder to lean on whenever they need it. Thank you for always taking care of other people; but make sure you take care of yourself too. I hope you will always have a reason to laugh that special laugh of yours (just make sure your jaw doesn’t detach itself, okay?).
Zhang Yixing, thank you for always being humble; you are always the one who bows first, the one who bows the deepest, and the one who bows the longest. Your amazing work ethic is inspiring, and keeps me working hard too. You’d smile even when in pain to keep us fans happy; but please remember that we are happiest when you are not worked to the bone.
Park Chanyeol, thank you for being EXO’s moodmaker. You make the EXO members laugh when they have no reason to, and you make the fans smile effortlessly. Don’t think we haven’t noticed how you’re the shadow leader, helping Suho and Kris make sure everything chaotic that could happen in a twelve-member group, doesn’t.
Wu Yifan, thank you for being the best leader EXO could ever ask for. And thank you for loving the fans and for constantly keeping an eye out for the fans’ safety, even when the favor is not returned to you. Your role in EXO is no less irreplaceable than a lead dancer or singer. Don’t pressure yourself so much; you’re already doing a great job.
Kim Jongdae, thank you for being the adorable sassy troll you are. Thank you for your bravery in becoming a singer in a foreign country. Your Mandarin has improved a lot, and I can’t wait for it to improve more because all of China needs to see how delightfully sharp your tongue can be.
Kim Jongin, I’ve already said all that I could possibly put into words... thank you for your everything.
Byun Baekhyun, thank you for being the thread that connects all of EXO. You were the last one to join the group, but you are the member who ties all the loose strings together. Thank you for being the magnet of EXO, and thank you for always standing up for other people.
Kim Joonmyeon, thank you for being EXO’s guardian, leading K in your calm, gentle way. Don’t worry about whether you are doing a good job or not; don’t keep comparing yourself to others. I hope that in the future, you will relax more and show us the funny, cute Joonmyeon that we all know is inside of you.
Oh Sehun, thank you for being an unconventional maknae. Whether it’s your facial expressions or the way you treat the other members, you always make me laugh. Thank you for also making the other EXO members laugh too.
Do Kyungsoo, thank you for being one of the few sane ones in K. Thank you for taking care of the other members and thank you for (occasionally!) letting your dorky, squishy side come out.
Kim Minseok, thank you for challenging yourself in a foreign country. Your efforts to communicate in Chinese are not going by unnoticed, and your singing and dancing skills are not going by unappreciated. I hope to hear you sing more in the near future.
EXO, thank you. I am so proud of you.
I have so many more things to say, but as the first anniversary draws to a close, I will just finish off with saying: I love EXO. A lot. All the reasons why I do must wait until the second, the fifth, the tenth, and the nth anniversary.
1, 2, 3, we are one! Hello, we are EXO!
121221. EXO’s first teaser is released online. The first EXO member, Kai, is introduced to the world. At the time, I didn’t think much of EXO. Now, over one year later, I wonder how things would be different if I had supported EXO since the beginning. I wonder what my reaction would have been if I told my one-year-younger self that this guy in this teaser, this guy I was writing off as nothing special, would eventually become my ultimate bias; that I would eventually stan this group of twelve boys like I’ve never stanned another k-pop group before. Now, I wonder what was going on in Kai’s and the rest of EXO’s minds when this teaser was unleashed online. Nervousness? Apprehension? Relief? But, regardless, I watch EXO’s first teaser and I quickly forget about them, twenty two more teasers and two prologue singles later.
120407. The music video for EXO’s title song of their first mini album, “MAMA,” is released. I remember thinking, “ahh, this is that teaser group. Let’s see if they’re doing better.” I loaded the video on youtube and going “what the--?” at the narrative story introduction - I thought I had clicked on the wrong video. But despite first impressions and my skeptical nature, I like the music video a lot, and I love the song even more. The Gregorian chants, the twelve powers, the orchestra in the background, the dramatic sounds, the choreography - I loved everything. “MAMA” leads me to listen to the rest of EXO’s first mini album and I end up loving every single track. That was unexpected. But I refused to take the effort to learn more about EXO and to get to know all the EXO members. I was a fan of many k-pop groups already; I did not need more, especially one that was made up of twelve members.
1203331; 120401. The dates of EXO’s debut showcases in Seoul and Beijing, respectively. The reason why I present this out of chronological order is because I did not watch their showcase until after I listened to the MAMA mini album. I resisted for an entire month, but curiosity got the better of me as a couple of my friends became EXO fans (thank you, Chin, for spamming my tumblr dashboard daily with EXO and for encouraging me to learn who the members are). But once I watched the debut showcase, I found myself falling in love with EXO. The members were talented and funny, and there was especially one - Kai - who caught my interest. Things were not going according to plan, to say the least. When Chanyeol later says that all twelve EXO members are traps, he was not kidding; I’d fallen for them, big time.
120917. EXO as a whole and EXO-M win their first award at Mengniu Billboard Music Awards. I was so proud of them that day. And when the video the fans made for EXO-M started playing, when all the EXO-M members started crying, even the usually serious-faced duizhang Kris - the moment I felt the tip of my nose burning and the tears starting to well up, I knew that EXO had become a very special group, at least to me. Yes, I’m an emotional and sentimental person, but that doesn’t mean that I shed tears over a k-pop group, of all things, easily. This was the first time I cried over any k-pop group, musical artist, or celebrity. K-pop is and was meant to be a happy experience for me, since when had I become so attached to any k-pop group that I no longer only felt the happiness, but also the sadness too? But every time I see Lay cry so hard that he couldn’t speak (“How do you feel, Zhang Yixing?” the MC asked, and all Lay could choke out was “不知道… 谢谢!”), Luhan furiously blinking back the tears, Tao letting it all run down his face and avoiding eye contact, Chen smiling his usual bright smile and trying to discreetly wipe the tears away when they bowed, Kris trying to comfort Lay but failing to stop his own tears, Xiumin understanding the fans’ sentiments despite the language barrier... when all six bowed at ninety degrees for an extended period of time to thank the fans (which I think got to me more than the tears did), I can’t help but think about what brought the six of them there. Who knows how many nights out of the five years Kris trained at SM were spent willing himself not to call home. Who knows what exactly drives Lay to dance until he can’t dance anymore. Who knows what struggles Chen and Xiumin face when trying to succeed in a foreign country. Who knows what any of their trainee lives were like.
“4 + 2 is not just a collision of cultures, it’s their passion towards music and their dreams. 6 + n is their endless love for you (the fans).” Seeing the EXO fandom come together after EXO won their first award, I knew our love for them was endless too. And I wanted our love to drive them to success, to win them every award they deserved. Why are they thanking us (the “angels” Kris said who were always by their side), I thought, when we should be thanking them?
121130. The Mnet Asian Music Awards in Kuala Lumpur. Not only did EXO snag another rookie award, they also put on an amazing special stage. Their “Warrior’s Descendant”/”Mirotic”/”Lucifer” performance was a joy to watch, but what I will remember the most out of this day was having an entire stressful week of midterms and having only two hours of sleep the night before the MAMAs but still staying up all night to stream the event, from the red carpet to the MC’s closing speech, from night to well into the next morning. It’s a night I will never forget because I had so much fun streaming the awards ceremony from my computer with twitter, tumblr, and exochocolate all opened at the same time to talk to (read: scream and keyboard smash at) my fandom friends. It’s one of my favorite fandom experiences, and it’s what has characterized my stay in EXO fandom. I have never seen and I may never see EXO perform in person - I can’t physically stand in the audience to cheer them on - but I can still support them in my own way. And this is why it’s important to me to stream them winning at the Gayo Daejuns, the Golden Disk Awards (130115), and also the Seoul Music Awards (130131).
130314. On this day, Kris flew back to Seoul. Kris Watch 2013 started when it seemed like he suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth after he was last sighted going to BoA’s concert on 130127 with the rest of EXO. After that, nothing. I won’t ever forget the amount of tension and restlessness that was in the fandom during his prolonged disappearance. There were new rumors every other day, it seemed, of EXO disbanding, of EXO’s comeback (which as of today still has yet to happen! But I will wait) being delayed because of Kris, of Kris leaving EXO permanently. Kris is one of my biases and has an undisputedly important role in EXO as leader and I couldn’t imagine EXO without him. Being a worrywart and a Kris stan during this time is not a good combination at all. I began to irrationally fear that my beloved EXO was falling apart. I cried when he was spotted in Guangzhou, Hong Kong, and Vancouver sometime in February. Kris kept saying, “wait for me, I’ll come back,” but I still worried. I - as well as many other fans, I’m sure - felt such an immense sense of relief when Kris came back to Korea after over two months, but nobody was at ease until Kris finally attended his first official event in three months at the Super Joint Concert in Bangkok (130330).
130408. Today. The first anniversary. It’s been one year of a wild roller coaster ride of emotions, one that I never anticipated on riding when I unwittingly became an EXO fan. I might have lost my sanity and emotional stability a couple of times (kidding!) but the only thing that I regret is not becoming a fan sooner. Yes, I’m mad that we still have not gotten a comeback, and I’m mad that SM didn’t even plan an anniversary fan meeting or party to commemorate this special day, but I’m nowhere near giving up on EXO. As I read all the messages the EXO members wrote today on the fanboards, both sassy and cheesy, I am reminded again and again of why I love EXO so much.
There are many memories from this first year that I will never forget, both happy and sad: Kai and Lay proving their main dancer titles in “Spectrum;” OT12 at Happy Camp; Kris singing “至少还有你” to the fans for his birthday; Chanyeol and Lay playing the guitars and Kris playing the drums for “Hawak Kamay” at DKFC; Kai falling down at the airport and getting injured because of the fans’ pushing; EXO going crazy at noraebang at S.M.Art Exhibition; the chills that ran up and down my spine listening to EXO-M sing “Open Arms” at the Super Joint Concert; Kris and Lay failing at charades in the iFeng interview; OT12 performing “MAMA” together on Inkigayo; EXO never knowing which way to exit the stage; watching Tao awe everybody at the Idol Sports Championships; “我家有四口人”; Lay slipping and falling in the middle of a performance at SMTOWN Singapore; EXO at Disneyland; “Wolf” and “365” being leaked (OH GOD I DIED LAUGHING THAT DAY. “Geure wolf naega wolf awooooooo”); Kris’ aegyo at K-Con; all the times Kai danced to “Angel”; and every single OT12 picture.
The last eleven months or so I’ve been an EXO fan have been some of the happiest of my life and, for that, I need to say thank you to EXO. Thank you for putting a smile on my face when I was too stressed out by school and by work. Thank you for being such big dorks who make me laugh hysterically all the time. Thank you for inspiring me to work hard and follow my dreams. Because of you, I have started writing again after having given it up for years. Thank you for the sleepless nights of staying up to watch all your interviews and shows and of capslocking on twitter because, gull, I can’t explain what I feel. And thank you for allowing to meet so many great people who love you guys as much as I do. I have made so many friends in the EXO fandom (if you’re reading this, you know who you are). It’s the first time I’ve been so involved with a fandom: writing fanfics, participating in a community (shoutout to exochocolate!), supporting fansites, and more.
Huang Zitao, thank you for being the biggest OT12 supporter there ever was. I love you for your words of wisdom and your quickness to point out when the fans have crossed the line. You are the least idol-like of them all; thank you for always not being afraid of being yourself, for never being afraid of truthfully saying what’s on your mind.
Luhan, thank you for giving the other members a shoulder to lean on whenever they need it. Thank you for always taking care of other people; but make sure you take care of yourself too. I hope you will always have a reason to laugh that special laugh of yours (just make sure your jaw doesn’t detach itself, okay?).
Zhang Yixing, thank you for always being humble; you are always the one who bows first, the one who bows the deepest, and the one who bows the longest. Your amazing work ethic is inspiring, and keeps me working hard too. You’d smile even when in pain to keep us fans happy; but please remember that we are happiest when you are not worked to the bone.
Park Chanyeol, thank you for being EXO’s moodmaker. You make the EXO members laugh when they have no reason to, and you make the fans smile effortlessly. Don’t think we haven’t noticed how you’re the shadow leader, helping Suho and Kris make sure everything chaotic that could happen in a twelve-member group, doesn’t.
Wu Yifan, thank you for being the best leader EXO could ever ask for. And thank you for loving the fans and for constantly keeping an eye out for the fans’ safety, even when the favor is not returned to you. Your role in EXO is no less irreplaceable than a lead dancer or singer. Don’t pressure yourself so much; you’re already doing a great job.
Kim Jongdae, thank you for being the adorable sassy troll you are. Thank you for your bravery in becoming a singer in a foreign country. Your Mandarin has improved a lot, and I can’t wait for it to improve more because all of China needs to see how delightfully sharp your tongue can be.
Kim Jongin, I’ve already said all that I could possibly put into words... thank you for your everything.
Byun Baekhyun, thank you for being the thread that connects all of EXO. You were the last one to join the group, but you are the member who ties all the loose strings together. Thank you for being the magnet of EXO, and thank you for always standing up for other people.
Kim Joonmyeon, thank you for being EXO’s guardian, leading K in your calm, gentle way. Don’t worry about whether you are doing a good job or not; don’t keep comparing yourself to others. I hope that in the future, you will relax more and show us the funny, cute Joonmyeon that we all know is inside of you.
Oh Sehun, thank you for being an unconventional maknae. Whether it’s your facial expressions or the way you treat the other members, you always make me laugh. Thank you for also making the other EXO members laugh too.
Do Kyungsoo, thank you for being one of the few sane ones in K. Thank you for taking care of the other members and thank you for (occasionally!) letting your dorky, squishy side come out.
Kim Minseok, thank you for challenging yourself in a foreign country. Your efforts to communicate in Chinese are not going by unnoticed, and your singing and dancing skills are not going by unappreciated. I hope to hear you sing more in the near future.
EXO, thank you. I am so proud of you.
I have so many more things to say, but as the first anniversary draws to a close, I will just finish off with saying: I love EXO. A lot. All the reasons why I do must wait until the second, the fifth, the tenth, and the nth anniversary.
1, 2, 3, we are one! Hello, we are EXO!