119. FANFIC: "Damage Control"
Title: Damage Control
Fandom: EXO
Pairing/Characters: kaixing / kailay; OT6-K plus Luhan and Lay
Genre: Humor and a bit of mushy romance
Rating: PG-13 for some slight swearing and mentions of sexy timez
Words: ~5000
Summary: The K members have a sleepover in their living room for a little group powwow so that Joonmyun can deal with his leader complex; but, thanks to a couple of text messages, things get way more out of hand than Jongin would like.
Author’s Note: I blame the entirety of this on Annie. We were talking about how peculiar it was that the other K members were snickering in the background when Kai announced he was going to send a message to Lay in the Sina livechat and she said (and I quote), “WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT HAPPENED DOES KAI PINE FOR LAY AT EXO K SLEEPOVERS SO K SNIGGERS AT HIM FOR BEING SO LIKE LOVELORN WHAT IS GOING ON” ...I mean, how could I walk away from a prompt like that 8D
This is the longest fanfic I've ever written and it's 5k of nothingness, I apologize OTL. (It got out of control, how ironic, hurr hurr.) And GOD it's really hard writing D.O. It's hard writing humor without resorting to caricatures in general ;~; But I hope you guys have as much fun reading this as I had writing it!
It’s another one of Joonmyun’s brilliant ideas: have spontaneous group powwows together on random nights to promote, as he solemnly announced to them one day, “group cohesion.” Which is why the six of them are, at the moment, all gathered in the rather small living room of their dorm, with all the sofas and tables pushed to the walls, for a sleepover.
“What the actual fuck,” Jongin said earlier with a disgusted look on his face when he picked up the pink polka dot sleeping bag that Joonmyun bought him by the corner with two fingers.
“It matches your suitcase!” Joonmyun said brightly.
Jongin groaned. “For the umpteenth time, that suitcase isn’t mine-”
“At least yours looks better than mine,” Baekhyun muttered to him when Joonmyun had his back turned, talking excitedly to what seemed like an equally enthusiastic Chanyeol. “Mine looks absolutely putrid.” He held up his sleeping bag to show Jongin. It looked as if a two-year-old had barfed fluffy white clouds, rainbows, and badly drawn cartoon unicorns all over the sky blue material.
“Gimme that,” Jongin said, lunging for Baekhyun’s sleeping bag and thrusting his own pink polka dot one into the other boy’s arms.
So now Jongin’s here in the living room, reluctantly lying in his unicorn-and-rainbow-patterned sleeping bag (one of six arranged in a little circle) on the hard floor when his own comfortable bed is literally only several steps away.
“What are we, middle school girls?” Sehun whines, dragging his feet as Kyungsoo pulls him along to the living room. He flops down to the left of Jongin on his sleeping bag (it’s a baby powder blue with It’s a boy! written in large block letters all over the fabric, interspersed with pictures of pacifiers and teddy bears. “For the maknae,” Joonmyun explained eagerly). “Honestly,” Sehun rolls his eyes, raising a hand to delicately brush the bangs out of his eyes - not that it needed to be, since it looks exactly the same as before to Jongin. “Are we going to start gossiping about the most popular girl in the school now? Talk about boys? Give each other manicures?”
“Hey!” Baekhyun retorts loudly, from Jongin’s right. He’s already snuggled into his sleeping bag on his stomach, propping his torso up on his elbows. There’s a bunch of nail grooming paraphernalia spread out before him, and he’s in the middle of filing a finger nail. “You think that these beautiful hands of mine stay pretty by themselves? Have a little sensitivity, maknae.”
Jongin lets the two of them duke it out (Sehun bashes Baekhyun mercilessly for the sheer amount of hand creams he owns, muttering something about high maintenance under his breath) while he whips out his cell phone and opens a new text message.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:06AM
Hyung, why are you all the way in China. Save me :(
He catches Baekhyun trying to look over his shoulder at the phone’s screen so he quickly tucks it under his pillow and returns (some of) his attention to Joonmyun, who’s sitting cross-legged atop of his own royal purple, damask sleeping bag (“Why does his look like the emperor’s bedding while mine looks like it’s from the peasants’ nursery,” Sehun complains) at the head of the circle.
Joonmyun puts on his best leader-like voice, looking like a gentle king smiling benevolently on his subjects. “Now that we’re all here, let’s begin. As you all know, we have gathered here today-”
“-to pronounce you husband and wife,” Baekhyun whispers loudly and Chanyeol snickers. Joonmyun turns a little red and flustered but he continues as if he hasn’t heard Baekhyun.
“-so that we can use this time as a group bonding experience and as an open forum where you, my children,” - more snickers - “can tell me, the leader, anything you would like to talk about or problems you feel should be addressed.”
“Right,” Sehun says, sitting up and looking around at the other boys. “Does anybody have any problems?” He gets some blank stares in return while Joonmyun eagerly looks on. “No? Alright then, let’s call it a night,” Sehun says, getting to his feet. “I’m going to bed!”
“Not so fast!” Chanyeol jumps up and beats Sehun to the hallway, using his freakishly large arm span to block Sehun’s way. “Come on, a sleepover is fun! You can’t leave before we play spin the bottle!”
Sehun stares at Chanyeol, dumbfounded. “I am so outta here.”
There’s a slight commotion as Chanyeol clumsily wrestles Sehun back to the living room, even tucking Sehun into his sleeping bag. But Jongin is distracted; his phone has been oddly silent the entire time. He starts a new text from behind the cover of his pillow.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:09AM
Hyung, why aren’t you answering me?!?!
“Honestly, our group dynamics aren’t even that bad, so I don’t get why we have to do this,” Sehun whines some more. “Have you been reading too many comments on our fan board saying ‘Kris is the best leader’ and ‘Kris was born to lead’ and things like that? Is that why you’re suddenly doing this? Do you have a leader complex?”
Jongin, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun bite back laughs. Kyungsoo, sitting in between Sehun and Joonmyun, smacks Sehun on the back of his head. “‘Our group dynamics aren’t even that bad’? Says the maknae who does nothing but talk back to his hyung!”
Sehun rubs the back of his head. “Aishhhhh. I get it, I get it. You’re tired of hearing that Kris is the better leader, right? Poor, poor hyung,” Sehun says, managing to not sound sympathetic at all.
Kyungsoo is the only one who hears Joonmyun saying in a small voice, “But Kris isn’t a better leader than me. Really.”
To: Zhang Yixing 12:11AM
Hyuuuuuuung, are you mad at me because I took your favorite pair of boxers?? I’m sorry, okay!! I’ll give them back!
To: Zhang Yixing 12:12AM
They’re really comfy though. I’m wearing them right now :(
“I have a problem,” Baekhyun announces. Joonmyun lights up, upbeat again.
“Yes, you do; in fact, you have many,” Chanyeol pipes up and Baekhyun promptly smashes Chanyeol’s face into his pillow with one hand to the back of Chanyeol’s head. (Mmmmmmmf! Chanyeol says as he eats a mouthful of cotton.)
“Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” Baekhyun smoothly continues, “I motion for Chanyeol to get his own room. Who here seconds my motion?” Baekhyun raises his hand, all the while still trying to get a peek at the screen of Jongin’s phone.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:15AM
But honestly you have no right to be mad at me. I didn’t get mad at you for that blow-on-the-neck game you played with Luhan-hyung on that Taiwanese show. You looked like you were enjoying it too much. What was that all about??? You don’t let ME touch your neck, you’re so sensitive there!!! Why are you such bffs with Luhan-hyung anyway, he’s a sly, tricky little bastard >:[
Joonmyun’s sigh draws Jongin’s attention back to the sleepover; the leader is already looking a little weary but trying his best to remain enthusiastic. “Baekhyun, this isn’t a congress. This is an informal forum for sincere and open member-to-member discussion-“
“Fine then,” Baekhyun says, his hand dropping. “I want to kick Chanyeol out of my room. Like, now.” He turns to look at Kyungsoo and Jongin. “You guys live in the room next door. Don’t you hear Chanyeol’s snores at night? It sounds like a jackhammer going off in our room!”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widen more and more the longer Baekhyun stares at him. “I can’t really say I’ve heard it-“
“-and I sleep like a log anyway so it doesn’t bother me,” Jongin finishes.
“ABUSE! FOUL PLAY!” Chanyeol shouts as soon as he sputters the last trace of cotton and lint out of his mouth, while Baekhyun shoots Jongin and Kyungsoo death glares, mouthing can’t you just play along?! “Kris is so going to hear about this when he comes back to Seoul.”
Baekhyun lifts a graceful hand to cover his not-so-graceful snort. “Ha, as if Kris would do anything to me. I have him wrapped around my manicured pinky finger. He adores me.”
“Are you kidding me?” Chanyeol rolls around in his sleeping bag (bright orange, with large yellow cartoon suns wearing shades and big toothy grins) as if this is the funniest thing he has heard all year. “All I have to do is put on my puppy eyes and he does whatever I say like that,” he says, snapping his fingers.
Joonmyun claps his hand, trying to regain attention and probably a little miffed that Kris is being brought up again. “So, what I think this calls for is for you and Baekhyun to talk your problems out, you know, face to face.” He looks from Baekhyun to Chanyeol and from Chanyeol to Baekhyun. “Come on, why don’t you go first, Baekhyun? What don’t you like about Chanyeol?” Joonmyun is smiling his most angelic smile. “If you don’t tell him how you feel, he’ll never know, and if he never knows, your relationship can’t get better!”
Sehun and Jongin groan simultaneously. “Wake me up when the feelings fest is over, will you? Actually, you know what, don’t wake me up at all,” Sehun mutters to Jongin as he snuggles into his sleeping bag. He picks at the material for a moment. “Seriously, why does this thing even exist? Why would a baby boy need an adult-size sleeping bag?” A horrifying idea occurs to Sehun. He glances quickly at Suho and then back at Jongin, whispering, “Do you think he got this custom made?”
“Dunno,” Jongin says. He shrugs absentmindedly, preoccupied with typing furiously on his phone.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:19AM
NO BUT SERIOUSLY HEEEEEEEEELP. JOONMYUN-HYUNG IS STARTING TO GO INTO GUARDIAN ANGEL SUHO MODE
To: Zhang Yixing 12:19AM
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS
To: Zhang Yixing 12:19AM
IT MEANS WE’RE GOING TO START TALKING ABOUT ~FEELINGS~ SOON
“...In fact, why doesn’t everybody join in on this exercise?” Jongin vaguely registers Joonmyun announcing. “Let’s go around in a circle. Just say something about what has been bothering you lately, and we’ll all listen. Nobody is allowed to speak unless it’s your turn, okay? I’ll start. I-”
“-feel like an inadequate leader next to Kris; therefore, I force all my subordinate members, under the pretense of developing and nurturing brotherly feelings, to participate in ridiculous rituals such as having sleepovers when there is absolutely nothing wrong with our beds,” Sehun flatly finishes. Joonmyun sputters incoherently, putting on a half-confused, half-indignant face. Sehun blatantly ignores him, looking at Chanyeol instead. “Next person, go. Let’s get this over with.”
--
In Beijing, Luhan looks up from the Rubick’s cube that he’s currently trying to crack. Yixing’s phone is on his bed on the opposite side of their shared bedroom, buzzing for the sixth, seventh time.
He glances at the clock. 12:15AM. “Who the heck is texting him so late at night? Seems like an emergency,” he mutters to himself. Cocking his ear, he hears the sound of running water; seems like Yixing is still in the bathroom.
Luhan chews on his bottom lip as the phone buzzes yet again. “Maybe I should check.”
--
Jongin almost drops his phone when it finally vibrates, signaling a new message. He excitedly unlocks the phone’s screen, but his smile freezes in place when he reads the message.
From: Zhang Yixing 12:20AM
Go away. I’m busy.
“...You know, lately, I’ve been sensing something terribly off with the dynamics of this group, Leader.” It’s Baekhyun’s turn to speak in the so-called Feelings Circle, Chanyeol having finished complaining about how nobody appreciates how much energy it takes to be a Happy Virus (“Y’all would be miserable without me, period,” he said). There’s a sly smile tugging at his lips. “I’m just curious: what is your official policy on, you know, intragroup relationships?”
“What the…” Jongin breathes, talking to himself.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:21AM
I said I was sorry! ;A; Why are you being so mean to me??
To: Zhang Yixing 12:21AM
Busy doing what, anyway?? Are you with Luhan-hyung?
To: Zhang Yixing 12:22AM
YOU ARE, AREN’T YOU. ARE YOU MAKING OUT WITH LUHAN-HYUNG RIGHT NOW???
“Intragroup? Relationships?” Joonmyun repeats slowly, looking very worried.
From: Zhang Yixing 12:23AM
What do you think~? Jongin-ah, I’m busy at the moment! Talk to you later! :D
Jongin feels like a knife has been stabbed into his gut and twisted. His fingers can’t keep up with the speed his thoughts are flying across his mind.
To Zhang Yixing 12:25AM
HOW COULD YOU?!?!!?!?!?!?!
To: Zhang Yixing 12:25AM
YOU. SUCK.
“Yes, intragroup relationships,” Baekhyun says. “In fact, why don’t I just hand it over to Jongin over here? I think he has a lot to say on this subject.”
From: Zhang Yixing 12:26AM
Funny you say that, I’m doing that right now ;)
Jongin kicks his legs out of frustration and he’s not entirely sure where the whiny puppy noises are coming from, but he has a hunch they’re coming from his own throat. He’s ready to chuck the phone clear across the room and then curl up in his ridiculous sleeping bag and just die when he suddenly notices that everybody’s attention is on him.
“Um,” Jongin says, quickly tucking the phone back under his pillow.
“Who are you texting this late at night, Jonginnie?” Baekhyun asks, his voice oozing syrupy sweetness.
“Luhan-hyung,” Jongin lies quickly. Too quickly. “He’s a jerk. In fact, can we talk about M members too? M members should be included in discussions about ‘group cohesion,’ I think.”
Joonmyun hesitates. “They’re not here, but I suppose we could...”
“Okay, good,” Jongin says immediately. “Luhan is an asshole. Can we kick him out of the group?”
Chanyeol guffaws. “Somehow I don’t think we can do that,” Kyungsoo says.
“Yeah, and what did Xiao Lu ever do to you?” Sehun adds.
Jongin cringes. “Stop calling him Xiao Lu, your Chinese sucks.”
“As if yours is any better,” Sehun retorts.
“Mine is the best out of the six of us,” Jongin sneers back at Sehun.
“Oh yeah? Says who?”
“Says-“ Jongin scrunches up his nose. He doesn’t want to say that frustrating double-timing bastard’s name. “It’s not important!”
“I don’t get it,” Kyungsoo says. “Why do we suddenly want to kick Luhan out, again?”
“And also,” Jongin continues, ignoring Kyungsoo’s question, “Don’t you think M should be required to return to Seoul every weekend? Or at least every other week? I don’t think Kris is really keeping the M members in check. I mean, yeah, everything seems fine and peachy on the outside but we don’t really know what’s going on in the dorm, do we? We need two leaders to look over everybody, right?”
“Oh, Jonginnie,” Baekhyun says slyly, “are you sure you’re talking about all the M members, or specifically one M member?”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jongin replies stiffly.
Chanyeol slaps the floor before him, cackling. “Look at how fast he’s backtracking, you can see it in his eyes! Too late, Jongin, you’ve said too much already!”
“One M member,” Baekhyun says. “Perhaps... a most adored and beloved Yixing-hyung?”
“What does Yixing have to do with this?” Joonmyun asks, glancing between Jongin and Baekhyun.
“Who said he was beloved?” Jongin scoffs.
“Ahhhh,” Kyungsoo says. “Lovers’ spat.”
“Oh my god.” Sehun rolls his eyes for what seems like the tenth time tonight. “Can we not go there.”
Too late. Jongin sinks lower and lower into his sleeping bag. He just wants to die because, right now, in M’s dorm in a completely different country, Yixing was cheating on him with Luhan. He thinks about all the times Yixing has smiled his dimpled smile at him and how they make him feel like he’s filled to the brim with the rainbows like the ones on his sleeping bag and how he’s always thought that those smiles were just for him. And now he’s found out that they’re not. But... “I miss him,” Jongin says. It sounds too much like a forlorn puppy’s whine than he would like.
Sehun immediately grabs his pillow and uses it to hit Jongin’s head several times. “I said, can we not? You disgust me, Kim Jongin.”
“I miss him,” Jongin whimpers, not even attempting to avoid Sehun’s hits.
“That’s the way,” Joonmyun says approvingly. “Let it all out, Jongin! That's what the Feelings Circle is for!”
Sehun pauses his pillow hitting. “Are you deaf as well as stupid now? What part of can we not do you not underst-”
“I-I fucking miss him and he’s fucking mine,” Jongin says to himself, not hearing anything Sehun is saying. (Possessive type, Chanyeol whispers to Baekhyun, and Baekhyun nods in agreement.) He scrambles to fish the phone out from under his pillow, not caring that there are five pairs of eyes trained on him. “I need to tell Manager-hyung and Kris-hyung - M needs to come back from China right now, first flight tomorrow morning-”
Jongin falls silent when the phone vibrates in his hand.
From: Zhang Yixing 12:35AM
You still love me, right, Jongin-ah~?
From: Zhang Yixing 12:35AM
♥♥♥♥♥
“This guy,” Jongin growls, angry again.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:36AM
DON’T FUCKING SEND ME FUCKING HEARTS WHEN YOU’RE FUCKING SOMEBODY ELSE
To: Zhang Yixing 12:36AM
HAVE A LITTLE FUCKING DECENCY
Jongin gets ready to throw the phone for real this time, but Baekhyun catches his arm before he can let the phone go.
“If you wanted us to help you, you should’ve just asked, Jonginnie,” Baekhyun says. He has the smile of a fox.
“But I don’t want-”
“Oh yes you do,” Baekhyun cuts him off, plucking the phone out of Jongin’s hands.
It finally dawns upon Jongin what Baekhyun is up to. “Shit, no, give it back-”
Baekhyun tosses the phone over to Chanyeol.
“I’m serious, guys, give it back!” Jongin tries to get out of his sleeping bag but Baekhyun pins him down. For a smaller guy, Baekhyun sure is strong.
“Hurry up and unlock it!” Baekhyun shouts.
“I know, I know!” Chanyeol yells back. His face is the picture of utter glee as he turns on the screen of the phone.
This must be how it feels to have the life literally drained out of you, Jongin thinks.
--
“Your turn,” Yixing announces.
Luhan tosses the Rubick’s cube to the side and gets up, grabbing his towel and his pajamas in the process.
“Oh, by the way,” he says, pausing on his way to the bathroom. “You got a lot of messages while you were showering. Sounded urgent.”
“Oh really?” Yixing says distractedly. “Okay, thanks for telling me.”
“No problem!” Luhan skips to the bathroom, smiling.
--
Baekhyun gets up and wrestles the phone out of Chanyeol’s grasp (because Chanyeol is a klutz and he’s taking too long) and deftly punches in 1-0-0-7. The screen unlocks and Jongin’s recent text messages appear.
“Hey!” Jongin shouts, going full throttle into panic mode. “How did you know my phone’s passcode?!”
Sehun rolls his eyes at Jongin while Baekhyun gives a look to Kyungsoo that says Is this guy for real right now? Kyungsoo just shrugs. “A goldfish could have figured out that the passcode is your precious Yixing-hyung’s birthday,” Baekhyun snorts, starting to scroll through Jongin’s text messages. “Oh god, this reads like a bad fanfic.” He falls on his knees, dramatically clutching his heart with his phone-free hand. “How could you do this to me, Chanyeollie? How could you cheat on me like that? I thought we were meant to be!”
Jongin’s face turns a bright scarlet red. “Byun Baekhyun, I am going to strangle you with my own two hands-”
Chanyeol comes up behind Baekhyun, jostling him. “Who’s cheating on who, lemme see, lemme see!” he yells, grabbing the phone. He starts guffawing as he reads. “Dude, what are you talking about, this could be a decent script for a drama. The love triangle is already there! We just need to give our lead heroine Jongin a long-lost sister who shows up out of nowhere or something,” Chanyeol says, laughing up a storm. He turns his attention to Kyungsoo, who’s sitting innocently on his navy blue plaid sleeping bag (a sensible pattern for a sensible guy). “You owe me a week’s worth of dish washing, by the way.”
Jongin is filled with a sense of dread. Did they bet on…?
“No way,” Kyungsoo says. His eyes grow to the size of saucers. “That time? The bathroom...?”
“What time and the bathroom?” Joonmyun asks, looking a little lost.
“I told you it was them, you didn’t believe me! The texts say it right here!” Chanyeol scrolls through the text messages on Jongin’s phone for Kyungsoo. “‘Hey hyung, last night was fun-’“
Jongin panics. “You guys really don’t need to read aloud every single fucking text-“
“Oh god,” Kyungsoo says. He looks at Jongin, betrayed. “Come on, Jongin. I needed to go to the bathroom that night and I was wondering why the hell somebody was taking so long in the bathroom and you - and Yixing-hyung - ugh-“
“Told you it wasn’t Luhan-hyung and Minseok-hyung - although I have caught them at it before,” Chanyeol laughs, tossing the phone to Kyungsoo. Jongin feels like he’s playing monkey in the middle; he leaps to grab the phone in mid-air but slips on the damn sleeping bags. “But poor baby Jonginnie. Looks like Yixing-hyung is getting some action tonight without you, if you know what I mean.” He waggles his eyebrows and Jongin forgets to breathe for a second because those eyebrows plus Chanyeol’s signature crazed eyes is a scary sight indeed.
"Luhan-hyung and Minseok-hyung!?" Joonmyun is beginning to sound like a broken record.
“Oh my god,” Kyungsoo says, tearing his eyes away from the screen of Jongin’s phone and blinking rapidly. “Too much information. Quick, get me some bleach for my eyes and my memory. And to think I thought Yixing-hyung was a good kind of guy. Looks like Kris-hyung doesn’t have as much control over the M members as we thought.”
From the back, where he had been trying to look at what everybody else was looking at but had been blocked by Chanyeol’s height, Joonmyun pipes up, “See? I told you so!”
Passing the phone over to Sehun, Kyungsoo walks over to where Jongin stands, patting Jongin on the shoulders in what Kyungsoo thinks is a comforting way. “I'm sorry, man,” Kyungsoo says solemnly. “It’s probably a shock that Yixing-hyung told you in such a way that he’s together with Luhan-hyung now-“
“Yixing is together with who?” Joonmyun yelps.
“-but you’ll get over it soon enough,” Kyungsoo continues, ignoring a bewildered Joonmyun. “By the way, I hope you washed those boxers you took from Yixing-hyung before you wore them.”
“Not helping,” Jongin says through gritted teeth.
There’s more commotion as the phone passes between each of the other K members (well, everybody except Joonmyun) while Jongin jumps and wriggles in between them, trying to intercept the phone passing but to no avail. Chanyeol howls in laughter as he holds the phone up in one hand while using the other arm to block Jongin as the shorter boy claws at him trying to grab back the phone. He’s taken it upon himself to read aloud to the others all the text messages he finds entertaining; that is to say, all of them. “Dude, have you seen what Jongin has sent Yixing-hyung? ‘Hyung, I think about you all the time~ Do you think about me?’ ‘I listen to the song you recorded for me every night, I can’t go to sleep without it~’ ‘I’m lonly, hyung~’ - since when have you known English, huh, Jongin?”
“You missed the ‘e’ in ‘lonely,’ you pathetic moron,” Sehun says, when Chanyeol showed him.
“Gimme - back - the - fucking - phone,” Jongin pants out, jumping over and over again to reach Chanyeol’s raised arm but Chanyeol’s just too damn tall.
Suddenly, the phone rings. Chanyeol drops the phone in surprise, and Jongin dives to catch it.
Everybody suddenly falls into hushed silence as they all stare at the ringing phone in Jongin’s hand. The name that pops up on the screen is “Hyung ♥.”
“You have got to be kidding me. When did Jongin get so sappy?” Sehun mutters to Chanyeol, having caught sight of the heart.
“If anybody says one more word, I swear I will kill all of you with my bare hands,” Jongin hisses. He takes a gulp of air and then presses the ‘accept call’ button.
“...Jongin?”
Jongin immediately relaxes a little bit from hearing Yixing’s calm voice. But then he remembers that Yixing’s cheating on him with Luhan so he tries to adopt a more spiteful tone.
“...Hyung,” he replies. “Are you done having fun times with your dear Xiao Lu? Do you have time for me now?”
Jongin shoots glares filled with venom at Baekhyun and Sehun, both of whom have picked up their drama acting again, making exaggerated lovelorn faces at each other. Chanyeol tries to contain the laughter in but fails miserably.
“Uh... Is everything alright over there?”
“Everything’s. Under. Control.” Jongin snarls into the phone, making throat slashing gestures at Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Sehun.
“If you say so.” Yixing sounds doubtful.
“Why’d you call,” Jongin mumbles, kicking at his sleeping bag. Stupid unicorns.
“The text messages...”
“Stop. You’re just going to make it worse for you when I beat the living daylight out of you when you come back to Seoul,” Jongin says sulkily. Joonmyun looks very concerned over the state of the sleeping bag he bought especially for him.
“Look, I know you might not believe me, but... those texts weren’t from me.”
He freezes. “What did you say?”
“Luhan got ahold of my phone and started texting you pretending he was me. I was in the shower the entire time. I only saw the texts just now. So, you know, we weren’t having fun times. He was just playing with you, Jongin-ah.”
“R-really?”
“Really.”
“Oh. Okay.” Jongin is grinning ear to ear now, and his heart is soaring. (“Gross,” Sehun says, making a face. “Jongin has clearly left his brain behind somewhere.”) “So you still love me, right?”
Yixing laughs through the phone, and it’s music to Jongin’s ears. “Right. I still love you, Jongin-ah.”
Jongin wants to melt on the spot. “Do me a favor and punch Luhan for me, okay?”
“Gladly. Were you jealous?” There’s mirth in Yixing’s voice.
“Ha, as if. Luhan ain’t got nothin’ on me,” Jongin says defensively.
“I think Minseok-hyung would disagree,” Yixing says teasingly through the phone. “What were you so urgently texting me for, anyway?”
Jongin glances at Joonmyun. Better not mention that he was complaining about Joonmyun’s Feelings Circle in front of him. “Ah, it was nothing. I’ll let you sleep now. Love you, hyung!” He waits until Yixing hangs up first before turning the screen off on his phone.
“Love you, hyung~!” Baekhyun repeats in a frilly, high-pitched voice as soon as Jongin hangs up, fluttering his eyelashes for added effect. “God, that was a cringe-worthy conversation.”
But Jongin has hearts in his eyes and an extremely stupid grin on his face and he doesn’t even hear Baekhyun’s jibe as he climbs back into his sleeping bag.
“So I’m guessing Yixing-hyung wasn’t cheating on you?” Kyungsoo asks. He doesn’t get a response either.
“Ugh,” Sehun says, making a disgusted face and brushing the bangs out of his eyes again. “Look at him. He’s just a puddle of goo. It’s my turn in the Feelings Circle now, right? I can complain about Jongin’s idiocy, right?”
Kyungsoo pats a shocked-looking Joonmyun on the hand. “Jongin and… Yixing?” Suho says. “How come nobody ever tells me these things?” ‘
Jongin doesn’t register what happens next, and so Sehun has the time of his life complaining about every single unfair thing Jongin has done to him since the beginning of high school without fear of consequence. Joonmyun’s repeated pleas of Please tell your leader these things, I am here for you! falls on deaf ears. Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s constant squabbling doesn’t grate on his nerves, and Jongin lets Kyungsoo nag at him about the laundry. Yixing loves him; Jongin cares for nothing else - not even punishing Luhan.
(For now.)
--
Luhan strolls into the bedroom, drying his honey blonde hair with a towel. He abruptly stops in his tracks when he spots Yixing lying on his bed, phone in hand, with a very wide, dimpled grin plastered on his face.
His arm goes limp; Luhan abandons toweling his hair as he looks at Yixing suspiciously. “What have you been up to?” he asks.
“Nothing much,” Yixing replies, fiddling around with his phone.
Luhan just stares at Yixing for a moment. He groans suddenly. “You didn’t.”
“I didn’t what?” Yixing is the picture of innocence, giving Luhan a sweet smile.
“Were you texting Jongin, by any chance?”
“Perhaps.”
“And was my name mentioned anywhere in those texts?”
“Now what would make you think that?”
Luhan chucks his towel at Yixing’s face as Yixing cracks up, clapping his hands in glee. “Fuck you. Will you stop making me the bad guy here? Jongin used to like me. What did you say this time? ‘Hi Jongin, I’m having sex with Luhan, please leave a message and I’ll get back to you after we’re done!’”
Yixing looks at Luhan in surprise. “Wow, how did you know?”
Luhan stamps his feet, looking for all the world like a five year old throwing a temper tantrum. “Yixing. I thought I was your best friend, why do you treat me like this?” he whines. “I’m beginning to know how Duizhang feels like whenever he complains to other people that you’ve been trolling him but nobody believes him because you act like this little innocent, forgetful unicorn. I think I deserve better treatment than what Duizhang gets from you!”
“Jongin’s so cute when he’s mad though. At least I called him to make sure everything was okay. Oh, and remind me to ask Baekhyun for the video from the camera I asked him to plant beforehand when we get back to Seoul,” Yixing chuckles, but stops short when he notices Luhan snatching his phone off his desk rather viciously. “What are you doing?” he asks, suddenly fearful.
“Time to do what Duizhang always does,” Luhan says, shooting a dirty look at Yixing as he starts typing on his phone with ferocious speed. “Damage control.”
--
Sob, I tried? Comments & critique are welcomed!
Fandom: EXO
Pairing/Characters: kaixing / kailay; OT6-K plus Luhan and Lay
Genre: Humor and a bit of mushy romance
Rating: PG-13 for some slight swearing and mentions of sexy timez
Words: ~5000
Summary: The K members have a sleepover in their living room for a little group powwow so that Joonmyun can deal with his leader complex; but, thanks to a couple of text messages, things get way more out of hand than Jongin would like.
Author’s Note: I blame the entirety of this on Annie. We were talking about how peculiar it was that the other K members were snickering in the background when Kai announced he was going to send a message to Lay in the Sina livechat and she said (and I quote), “WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT HAPPENED DOES KAI PINE FOR LAY AT EXO K SLEEPOVERS SO K SNIGGERS AT HIM FOR BEING SO LIKE LOVELORN WHAT IS GOING ON” ...I mean, how could I walk away from a prompt like that 8D
This is the longest fanfic I've ever written and it's 5k of nothingness, I apologize OTL. (It got out of control, how ironic, hurr hurr.) And GOD it's really hard writing D.O. It's hard writing humor without resorting to caricatures in general ;~; But I hope you guys have as much fun reading this as I had writing it!
It’s another one of Joonmyun’s brilliant ideas: have spontaneous group powwows together on random nights to promote, as he solemnly announced to them one day, “group cohesion.” Which is why the six of them are, at the moment, all gathered in the rather small living room of their dorm, with all the sofas and tables pushed to the walls, for a sleepover.
“What the actual fuck,” Jongin said earlier with a disgusted look on his face when he picked up the pink polka dot sleeping bag that Joonmyun bought him by the corner with two fingers.
“It matches your suitcase!” Joonmyun said brightly.
Jongin groaned. “For the umpteenth time, that suitcase isn’t mine-”
“At least yours looks better than mine,” Baekhyun muttered to him when Joonmyun had his back turned, talking excitedly to what seemed like an equally enthusiastic Chanyeol. “Mine looks absolutely putrid.” He held up his sleeping bag to show Jongin. It looked as if a two-year-old had barfed fluffy white clouds, rainbows, and badly drawn cartoon unicorns all over the sky blue material.
“Gimme that,” Jongin said, lunging for Baekhyun’s sleeping bag and thrusting his own pink polka dot one into the other boy’s arms.
So now Jongin’s here in the living room, reluctantly lying in his unicorn-and-rainbow-patterned sleeping bag (one of six arranged in a little circle) on the hard floor when his own comfortable bed is literally only several steps away.
“What are we, middle school girls?” Sehun whines, dragging his feet as Kyungsoo pulls him along to the living room. He flops down to the left of Jongin on his sleeping bag (it’s a baby powder blue with It’s a boy! written in large block letters all over the fabric, interspersed with pictures of pacifiers and teddy bears. “For the maknae,” Joonmyun explained eagerly). “Honestly,” Sehun rolls his eyes, raising a hand to delicately brush the bangs out of his eyes - not that it needed to be, since it looks exactly the same as before to Jongin. “Are we going to start gossiping about the most popular girl in the school now? Talk about boys? Give each other manicures?”
“Hey!” Baekhyun retorts loudly, from Jongin’s right. He’s already snuggled into his sleeping bag on his stomach, propping his torso up on his elbows. There’s a bunch of nail grooming paraphernalia spread out before him, and he’s in the middle of filing a finger nail. “You think that these beautiful hands of mine stay pretty by themselves? Have a little sensitivity, maknae.”
Jongin lets the two of them duke it out (Sehun bashes Baekhyun mercilessly for the sheer amount of hand creams he owns, muttering something about high maintenance under his breath) while he whips out his cell phone and opens a new text message.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:06AM
Hyung, why are you all the way in China. Save me :(
He catches Baekhyun trying to look over his shoulder at the phone’s screen so he quickly tucks it under his pillow and returns (some of) his attention to Joonmyun, who’s sitting cross-legged atop of his own royal purple, damask sleeping bag (“Why does his look like the emperor’s bedding while mine looks like it’s from the peasants’ nursery,” Sehun complains) at the head of the circle.
Joonmyun puts on his best leader-like voice, looking like a gentle king smiling benevolently on his subjects. “Now that we’re all here, let’s begin. As you all know, we have gathered here today-”
“-to pronounce you husband and wife,” Baekhyun whispers loudly and Chanyeol snickers. Joonmyun turns a little red and flustered but he continues as if he hasn’t heard Baekhyun.
“-so that we can use this time as a group bonding experience and as an open forum where you, my children,” - more snickers - “can tell me, the leader, anything you would like to talk about or problems you feel should be addressed.”
“Right,” Sehun says, sitting up and looking around at the other boys. “Does anybody have any problems?” He gets some blank stares in return while Joonmyun eagerly looks on. “No? Alright then, let’s call it a night,” Sehun says, getting to his feet. “I’m going to bed!”
“Not so fast!” Chanyeol jumps up and beats Sehun to the hallway, using his freakishly large arm span to block Sehun’s way. “Come on, a sleepover is fun! You can’t leave before we play spin the bottle!”
Sehun stares at Chanyeol, dumbfounded. “I am so outta here.”
There’s a slight commotion as Chanyeol clumsily wrestles Sehun back to the living room, even tucking Sehun into his sleeping bag. But Jongin is distracted; his phone has been oddly silent the entire time. He starts a new text from behind the cover of his pillow.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:09AM
Hyung, why aren’t you answering me?!?!
“Honestly, our group dynamics aren’t even that bad, so I don’t get why we have to do this,” Sehun whines some more. “Have you been reading too many comments on our fan board saying ‘Kris is the best leader’ and ‘Kris was born to lead’ and things like that? Is that why you’re suddenly doing this? Do you have a leader complex?”
Jongin, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun bite back laughs. Kyungsoo, sitting in between Sehun and Joonmyun, smacks Sehun on the back of his head. “‘Our group dynamics aren’t even that bad’? Says the maknae who does nothing but talk back to his hyung!”
Sehun rubs the back of his head. “Aishhhhh. I get it, I get it. You’re tired of hearing that Kris is the better leader, right? Poor, poor hyung,” Sehun says, managing to not sound sympathetic at all.
Kyungsoo is the only one who hears Joonmyun saying in a small voice, “But Kris isn’t a better leader than me. Really.”
To: Zhang Yixing 12:11AM
Hyuuuuuuung, are you mad at me because I took your favorite pair of boxers?? I’m sorry, okay!! I’ll give them back!
To: Zhang Yixing 12:12AM
They’re really comfy though. I’m wearing them right now :(
“I have a problem,” Baekhyun announces. Joonmyun lights up, upbeat again.
“Yes, you do; in fact, you have many,” Chanyeol pipes up and Baekhyun promptly smashes Chanyeol’s face into his pillow with one hand to the back of Chanyeol’s head. (Mmmmmmmf! Chanyeol says as he eats a mouthful of cotton.)
“Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” Baekhyun smoothly continues, “I motion for Chanyeol to get his own room. Who here seconds my motion?” Baekhyun raises his hand, all the while still trying to get a peek at the screen of Jongin’s phone.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:15AM
But honestly you have no right to be mad at me. I didn’t get mad at you for that blow-on-the-neck game you played with Luhan-hyung on that Taiwanese show. You looked like you were enjoying it too much. What was that all about??? You don’t let ME touch your neck, you’re so sensitive there!!! Why are you such bffs with Luhan-hyung anyway, he’s a sly, tricky little bastard >:[
Joonmyun’s sigh draws Jongin’s attention back to the sleepover; the leader is already looking a little weary but trying his best to remain enthusiastic. “Baekhyun, this isn’t a congress. This is an informal forum for sincere and open member-to-member discussion-“
“Fine then,” Baekhyun says, his hand dropping. “I want to kick Chanyeol out of my room. Like, now.” He turns to look at Kyungsoo and Jongin. “You guys live in the room next door. Don’t you hear Chanyeol’s snores at night? It sounds like a jackhammer going off in our room!”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widen more and more the longer Baekhyun stares at him. “I can’t really say I’ve heard it-“
“-and I sleep like a log anyway so it doesn’t bother me,” Jongin finishes.
“ABUSE! FOUL PLAY!” Chanyeol shouts as soon as he sputters the last trace of cotton and lint out of his mouth, while Baekhyun shoots Jongin and Kyungsoo death glares, mouthing can’t you just play along?! “Kris is so going to hear about this when he comes back to Seoul.”
Baekhyun lifts a graceful hand to cover his not-so-graceful snort. “Ha, as if Kris would do anything to me. I have him wrapped around my manicured pinky finger. He adores me.”
“Are you kidding me?” Chanyeol rolls around in his sleeping bag (bright orange, with large yellow cartoon suns wearing shades and big toothy grins) as if this is the funniest thing he has heard all year. “All I have to do is put on my puppy eyes and he does whatever I say like that,” he says, snapping his fingers.
Joonmyun claps his hand, trying to regain attention and probably a little miffed that Kris is being brought up again. “So, what I think this calls for is for you and Baekhyun to talk your problems out, you know, face to face.” He looks from Baekhyun to Chanyeol and from Chanyeol to Baekhyun. “Come on, why don’t you go first, Baekhyun? What don’t you like about Chanyeol?” Joonmyun is smiling his most angelic smile. “If you don’t tell him how you feel, he’ll never know, and if he never knows, your relationship can’t get better!”
Sehun and Jongin groan simultaneously. “Wake me up when the feelings fest is over, will you? Actually, you know what, don’t wake me up at all,” Sehun mutters to Jongin as he snuggles into his sleeping bag. He picks at the material for a moment. “Seriously, why does this thing even exist? Why would a baby boy need an adult-size sleeping bag?” A horrifying idea occurs to Sehun. He glances quickly at Suho and then back at Jongin, whispering, “Do you think he got this custom made?”
“Dunno,” Jongin says. He shrugs absentmindedly, preoccupied with typing furiously on his phone.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:19AM
NO BUT SERIOUSLY HEEEEEEEEELP. JOONMYUN-HYUNG IS STARTING TO GO INTO GUARDIAN ANGEL SUHO MODE
To: Zhang Yixing 12:19AM
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS
To: Zhang Yixing 12:19AM
IT MEANS WE’RE GOING TO START TALKING ABOUT ~FEELINGS~ SOON
“...In fact, why doesn’t everybody join in on this exercise?” Jongin vaguely registers Joonmyun announcing. “Let’s go around in a circle. Just say something about what has been bothering you lately, and we’ll all listen. Nobody is allowed to speak unless it’s your turn, okay? I’ll start. I-”
“-feel like an inadequate leader next to Kris; therefore, I force all my subordinate members, under the pretense of developing and nurturing brotherly feelings, to participate in ridiculous rituals such as having sleepovers when there is absolutely nothing wrong with our beds,” Sehun flatly finishes. Joonmyun sputters incoherently, putting on a half-confused, half-indignant face. Sehun blatantly ignores him, looking at Chanyeol instead. “Next person, go. Let’s get this over with.”
--
In Beijing, Luhan looks up from the Rubick’s cube that he’s currently trying to crack. Yixing’s phone is on his bed on the opposite side of their shared bedroom, buzzing for the sixth, seventh time.
He glances at the clock. 12:15AM. “Who the heck is texting him so late at night? Seems like an emergency,” he mutters to himself. Cocking his ear, he hears the sound of running water; seems like Yixing is still in the bathroom.
Luhan chews on his bottom lip as the phone buzzes yet again. “Maybe I should check.”
--
Jongin almost drops his phone when it finally vibrates, signaling a new message. He excitedly unlocks the phone’s screen, but his smile freezes in place when he reads the message.
From: Zhang Yixing 12:20AM
Go away. I’m busy.
“...You know, lately, I’ve been sensing something terribly off with the dynamics of this group, Leader.” It’s Baekhyun’s turn to speak in the so-called Feelings Circle, Chanyeol having finished complaining about how nobody appreciates how much energy it takes to be a Happy Virus (“Y’all would be miserable without me, period,” he said). There’s a sly smile tugging at his lips. “I’m just curious: what is your official policy on, you know, intragroup relationships?”
“What the…” Jongin breathes, talking to himself.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:21AM
I said I was sorry! ;A; Why are you being so mean to me??
To: Zhang Yixing 12:21AM
Busy doing what, anyway?? Are you with Luhan-hyung?
To: Zhang Yixing 12:22AM
YOU ARE, AREN’T YOU. ARE YOU MAKING OUT WITH LUHAN-HYUNG RIGHT NOW???
“Intragroup? Relationships?” Joonmyun repeats slowly, looking very worried.
From: Zhang Yixing 12:23AM
What do you think~? Jongin-ah, I’m busy at the moment! Talk to you later! :D
Jongin feels like a knife has been stabbed into his gut and twisted. His fingers can’t keep up with the speed his thoughts are flying across his mind.
To Zhang Yixing 12:25AM
HOW COULD YOU?!?!!?!?!?!?!
To: Zhang Yixing 12:25AM
YOU. SUCK.
“Yes, intragroup relationships,” Baekhyun says. “In fact, why don’t I just hand it over to Jongin over here? I think he has a lot to say on this subject.”
From: Zhang Yixing 12:26AM
Funny you say that, I’m doing that right now ;)
Jongin kicks his legs out of frustration and he’s not entirely sure where the whiny puppy noises are coming from, but he has a hunch they’re coming from his own throat. He’s ready to chuck the phone clear across the room and then curl up in his ridiculous sleeping bag and just die when he suddenly notices that everybody’s attention is on him.
“Um,” Jongin says, quickly tucking the phone back under his pillow.
“Who are you texting this late at night, Jonginnie?” Baekhyun asks, his voice oozing syrupy sweetness.
“Luhan-hyung,” Jongin lies quickly. Too quickly. “He’s a jerk. In fact, can we talk about M members too? M members should be included in discussions about ‘group cohesion,’ I think.”
Joonmyun hesitates. “They’re not here, but I suppose we could...”
“Okay, good,” Jongin says immediately. “Luhan is an asshole. Can we kick him out of the group?”
Chanyeol guffaws. “Somehow I don’t think we can do that,” Kyungsoo says.
“Yeah, and what did Xiao Lu ever do to you?” Sehun adds.
Jongin cringes. “Stop calling him Xiao Lu, your Chinese sucks.”
“As if yours is any better,” Sehun retorts.
“Mine is the best out of the six of us,” Jongin sneers back at Sehun.
“Oh yeah? Says who?”
“Says-“ Jongin scrunches up his nose. He doesn’t want to say that frustrating double-timing bastard’s name. “It’s not important!”
“I don’t get it,” Kyungsoo says. “Why do we suddenly want to kick Luhan out, again?”
“And also,” Jongin continues, ignoring Kyungsoo’s question, “Don’t you think M should be required to return to Seoul every weekend? Or at least every other week? I don’t think Kris is really keeping the M members in check. I mean, yeah, everything seems fine and peachy on the outside but we don’t really know what’s going on in the dorm, do we? We need two leaders to look over everybody, right?”
“Oh, Jonginnie,” Baekhyun says slyly, “are you sure you’re talking about all the M members, or specifically one M member?”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jongin replies stiffly.
Chanyeol slaps the floor before him, cackling. “Look at how fast he’s backtracking, you can see it in his eyes! Too late, Jongin, you’ve said too much already!”
“One M member,” Baekhyun says. “Perhaps... a most adored and beloved Yixing-hyung?”
“What does Yixing have to do with this?” Joonmyun asks, glancing between Jongin and Baekhyun.
“Who said he was beloved?” Jongin scoffs.
“Ahhhh,” Kyungsoo says. “Lovers’ spat.”
“Oh my god.” Sehun rolls his eyes for what seems like the tenth time tonight. “Can we not go there.”
Too late. Jongin sinks lower and lower into his sleeping bag. He just wants to die because, right now, in M’s dorm in a completely different country, Yixing was cheating on him with Luhan. He thinks about all the times Yixing has smiled his dimpled smile at him and how they make him feel like he’s filled to the brim with the rainbows like the ones on his sleeping bag and how he’s always thought that those smiles were just for him. And now he’s found out that they’re not. But... “I miss him,” Jongin says. It sounds too much like a forlorn puppy’s whine than he would like.
Sehun immediately grabs his pillow and uses it to hit Jongin’s head several times. “I said, can we not? You disgust me, Kim Jongin.”
“I miss him,” Jongin whimpers, not even attempting to avoid Sehun’s hits.
“That’s the way,” Joonmyun says approvingly. “Let it all out, Jongin! That's what the Feelings Circle is for!”
Sehun pauses his pillow hitting. “Are you deaf as well as stupid now? What part of can we not do you not underst-”
“I-I fucking miss him and he’s fucking mine,” Jongin says to himself, not hearing anything Sehun is saying. (Possessive type, Chanyeol whispers to Baekhyun, and Baekhyun nods in agreement.) He scrambles to fish the phone out from under his pillow, not caring that there are five pairs of eyes trained on him. “I need to tell Manager-hyung and Kris-hyung - M needs to come back from China right now, first flight tomorrow morning-”
Jongin falls silent when the phone vibrates in his hand.
From: Zhang Yixing 12:35AM
You still love me, right, Jongin-ah~?
From: Zhang Yixing 12:35AM
♥♥♥♥♥
“This guy,” Jongin growls, angry again.
To: Zhang Yixing 12:36AM
DON’T FUCKING SEND ME FUCKING HEARTS WHEN YOU’RE FUCKING SOMEBODY ELSE
To: Zhang Yixing 12:36AM
HAVE A LITTLE FUCKING DECENCY
Jongin gets ready to throw the phone for real this time, but Baekhyun catches his arm before he can let the phone go.
“If you wanted us to help you, you should’ve just asked, Jonginnie,” Baekhyun says. He has the smile of a fox.
“But I don’t want-”
“Oh yes you do,” Baekhyun cuts him off, plucking the phone out of Jongin’s hands.
It finally dawns upon Jongin what Baekhyun is up to. “Shit, no, give it back-”
Baekhyun tosses the phone over to Chanyeol.
“I’m serious, guys, give it back!” Jongin tries to get out of his sleeping bag but Baekhyun pins him down. For a smaller guy, Baekhyun sure is strong.
“Hurry up and unlock it!” Baekhyun shouts.
“I know, I know!” Chanyeol yells back. His face is the picture of utter glee as he turns on the screen of the phone.
This must be how it feels to have the life literally drained out of you, Jongin thinks.
--
“Your turn,” Yixing announces.
Luhan tosses the Rubick’s cube to the side and gets up, grabbing his towel and his pajamas in the process.
“Oh, by the way,” he says, pausing on his way to the bathroom. “You got a lot of messages while you were showering. Sounded urgent.”
“Oh really?” Yixing says distractedly. “Okay, thanks for telling me.”
“No problem!” Luhan skips to the bathroom, smiling.
--
Baekhyun gets up and wrestles the phone out of Chanyeol’s grasp (because Chanyeol is a klutz and he’s taking too long) and deftly punches in 1-0-0-7. The screen unlocks and Jongin’s recent text messages appear.
“Hey!” Jongin shouts, going full throttle into panic mode. “How did you know my phone’s passcode?!”
Sehun rolls his eyes at Jongin while Baekhyun gives a look to Kyungsoo that says Is this guy for real right now? Kyungsoo just shrugs. “A goldfish could have figured out that the passcode is your precious Yixing-hyung’s birthday,” Baekhyun snorts, starting to scroll through Jongin’s text messages. “Oh god, this reads like a bad fanfic.” He falls on his knees, dramatically clutching his heart with his phone-free hand. “How could you do this to me, Chanyeollie? How could you cheat on me like that? I thought we were meant to be!”
Jongin’s face turns a bright scarlet red. “Byun Baekhyun, I am going to strangle you with my own two hands-”
Chanyeol comes up behind Baekhyun, jostling him. “Who’s cheating on who, lemme see, lemme see!” he yells, grabbing the phone. He starts guffawing as he reads. “Dude, what are you talking about, this could be a decent script for a drama. The love triangle is already there! We just need to give our lead heroine Jongin a long-lost sister who shows up out of nowhere or something,” Chanyeol says, laughing up a storm. He turns his attention to Kyungsoo, who’s sitting innocently on his navy blue plaid sleeping bag (a sensible pattern for a sensible guy). “You owe me a week’s worth of dish washing, by the way.”
Jongin is filled with a sense of dread. Did they bet on…?
“No way,” Kyungsoo says. His eyes grow to the size of saucers. “That time? The bathroom...?”
“What time and the bathroom?” Joonmyun asks, looking a little lost.
“I told you it was them, you didn’t believe me! The texts say it right here!” Chanyeol scrolls through the text messages on Jongin’s phone for Kyungsoo. “‘Hey hyung, last night was fun-’“
Jongin panics. “You guys really don’t need to read aloud every single fucking text-“
“Oh god,” Kyungsoo says. He looks at Jongin, betrayed. “Come on, Jongin. I needed to go to the bathroom that night and I was wondering why the hell somebody was taking so long in the bathroom and you - and Yixing-hyung - ugh-“
“Told you it wasn’t Luhan-hyung and Minseok-hyung - although I have caught them at it before,” Chanyeol laughs, tossing the phone to Kyungsoo. Jongin feels like he’s playing monkey in the middle; he leaps to grab the phone in mid-air but slips on the damn sleeping bags. “But poor baby Jonginnie. Looks like Yixing-hyung is getting some action tonight without you, if you know what I mean.” He waggles his eyebrows and Jongin forgets to breathe for a second because those eyebrows plus Chanyeol’s signature crazed eyes is a scary sight indeed.
"Luhan-hyung and Minseok-hyung!?" Joonmyun is beginning to sound like a broken record.
“Oh my god,” Kyungsoo says, tearing his eyes away from the screen of Jongin’s phone and blinking rapidly. “Too much information. Quick, get me some bleach for my eyes and my memory. And to think I thought Yixing-hyung was a good kind of guy. Looks like Kris-hyung doesn’t have as much control over the M members as we thought.”
From the back, where he had been trying to look at what everybody else was looking at but had been blocked by Chanyeol’s height, Joonmyun pipes up, “See? I told you so!”
Passing the phone over to Sehun, Kyungsoo walks over to where Jongin stands, patting Jongin on the shoulders in what Kyungsoo thinks is a comforting way. “I'm sorry, man,” Kyungsoo says solemnly. “It’s probably a shock that Yixing-hyung told you in such a way that he’s together with Luhan-hyung now-“
“Yixing is together with who?” Joonmyun yelps.
“-but you’ll get over it soon enough,” Kyungsoo continues, ignoring a bewildered Joonmyun. “By the way, I hope you washed those boxers you took from Yixing-hyung before you wore them.”
“Not helping,” Jongin says through gritted teeth.
There’s more commotion as the phone passes between each of the other K members (well, everybody except Joonmyun) while Jongin jumps and wriggles in between them, trying to intercept the phone passing but to no avail. Chanyeol howls in laughter as he holds the phone up in one hand while using the other arm to block Jongin as the shorter boy claws at him trying to grab back the phone. He’s taken it upon himself to read aloud to the others all the text messages he finds entertaining; that is to say, all of them. “Dude, have you seen what Jongin has sent Yixing-hyung? ‘Hyung, I think about you all the time~ Do you think about me?’ ‘I listen to the song you recorded for me every night, I can’t go to sleep without it~’ ‘I’m lonly, hyung~’ - since when have you known English, huh, Jongin?”
“You missed the ‘e’ in ‘lonely,’ you pathetic moron,” Sehun says, when Chanyeol showed him.
“Gimme - back - the - fucking - phone,” Jongin pants out, jumping over and over again to reach Chanyeol’s raised arm but Chanyeol’s just too damn tall.
Suddenly, the phone rings. Chanyeol drops the phone in surprise, and Jongin dives to catch it.
Everybody suddenly falls into hushed silence as they all stare at the ringing phone in Jongin’s hand. The name that pops up on the screen is “Hyung ♥.”
“You have got to be kidding me. When did Jongin get so sappy?” Sehun mutters to Chanyeol, having caught sight of the heart.
“If anybody says one more word, I swear I will kill all of you with my bare hands,” Jongin hisses. He takes a gulp of air and then presses the ‘accept call’ button.
“...Jongin?”
Jongin immediately relaxes a little bit from hearing Yixing’s calm voice. But then he remembers that Yixing’s cheating on him with Luhan so he tries to adopt a more spiteful tone.
“...Hyung,” he replies. “Are you done having fun times with your dear Xiao Lu? Do you have time for me now?”
Jongin shoots glares filled with venom at Baekhyun and Sehun, both of whom have picked up their drama acting again, making exaggerated lovelorn faces at each other. Chanyeol tries to contain the laughter in but fails miserably.
“Uh... Is everything alright over there?”
“Everything’s. Under. Control.” Jongin snarls into the phone, making throat slashing gestures at Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Sehun.
“If you say so.” Yixing sounds doubtful.
“Why’d you call,” Jongin mumbles, kicking at his sleeping bag. Stupid unicorns.
“The text messages...”
“Stop. You’re just going to make it worse for you when I beat the living daylight out of you when you come back to Seoul,” Jongin says sulkily. Joonmyun looks very concerned over the state of the sleeping bag he bought especially for him.
“Look, I know you might not believe me, but... those texts weren’t from me.”
He freezes. “What did you say?”
“Luhan got ahold of my phone and started texting you pretending he was me. I was in the shower the entire time. I only saw the texts just now. So, you know, we weren’t having fun times. He was just playing with you, Jongin-ah.”
“R-really?”
“Really.”
“Oh. Okay.” Jongin is grinning ear to ear now, and his heart is soaring. (“Gross,” Sehun says, making a face. “Jongin has clearly left his brain behind somewhere.”) “So you still love me, right?”
Yixing laughs through the phone, and it’s music to Jongin’s ears. “Right. I still love you, Jongin-ah.”
Jongin wants to melt on the spot. “Do me a favor and punch Luhan for me, okay?”
“Gladly. Were you jealous?” There’s mirth in Yixing’s voice.
“Ha, as if. Luhan ain’t got nothin’ on me,” Jongin says defensively.
“I think Minseok-hyung would disagree,” Yixing says teasingly through the phone. “What were you so urgently texting me for, anyway?”
Jongin glances at Joonmyun. Better not mention that he was complaining about Joonmyun’s Feelings Circle in front of him. “Ah, it was nothing. I’ll let you sleep now. Love you, hyung!” He waits until Yixing hangs up first before turning the screen off on his phone.
“Love you, hyung~!” Baekhyun repeats in a frilly, high-pitched voice as soon as Jongin hangs up, fluttering his eyelashes for added effect. “God, that was a cringe-worthy conversation.”
But Jongin has hearts in his eyes and an extremely stupid grin on his face and he doesn’t even hear Baekhyun’s jibe as he climbs back into his sleeping bag.
“So I’m guessing Yixing-hyung wasn’t cheating on you?” Kyungsoo asks. He doesn’t get a response either.
“Ugh,” Sehun says, making a disgusted face and brushing the bangs out of his eyes again. “Look at him. He’s just a puddle of goo. It’s my turn in the Feelings Circle now, right? I can complain about Jongin’s idiocy, right?”
Kyungsoo pats a shocked-looking Joonmyun on the hand. “Jongin and… Yixing?” Suho says. “How come nobody ever tells me these things?” ‘
Jongin doesn’t register what happens next, and so Sehun has the time of his life complaining about every single unfair thing Jongin has done to him since the beginning of high school without fear of consequence. Joonmyun’s repeated pleas of Please tell your leader these things, I am here for you! falls on deaf ears. Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s constant squabbling doesn’t grate on his nerves, and Jongin lets Kyungsoo nag at him about the laundry. Yixing loves him; Jongin cares for nothing else - not even punishing Luhan.
(For now.)
--
Luhan strolls into the bedroom, drying his honey blonde hair with a towel. He abruptly stops in his tracks when he spots Yixing lying on his bed, phone in hand, with a very wide, dimpled grin plastered on his face.
His arm goes limp; Luhan abandons toweling his hair as he looks at Yixing suspiciously. “What have you been up to?” he asks.
“Nothing much,” Yixing replies, fiddling around with his phone.
Luhan just stares at Yixing for a moment. He groans suddenly. “You didn’t.”
“I didn’t what?” Yixing is the picture of innocence, giving Luhan a sweet smile.
“Were you texting Jongin, by any chance?”
“Perhaps.”
“And was my name mentioned anywhere in those texts?”
“Now what would make you think that?”
Luhan chucks his towel at Yixing’s face as Yixing cracks up, clapping his hands in glee. “Fuck you. Will you stop making me the bad guy here? Jongin used to like me. What did you say this time? ‘Hi Jongin, I’m having sex with Luhan, please leave a message and I’ll get back to you after we’re done!’”
Yixing looks at Luhan in surprise. “Wow, how did you know?”
Luhan stamps his feet, looking for all the world like a five year old throwing a temper tantrum. “Yixing. I thought I was your best friend, why do you treat me like this?” he whines. “I’m beginning to know how Duizhang feels like whenever he complains to other people that you’ve been trolling him but nobody believes him because you act like this little innocent, forgetful unicorn. I think I deserve better treatment than what Duizhang gets from you!”
“Jongin’s so cute when he’s mad though. At least I called him to make sure everything was okay. Oh, and remind me to ask Baekhyun for the video from the camera I asked him to plant beforehand when we get back to Seoul,” Yixing chuckles, but stops short when he notices Luhan snatching his phone off his desk rather viciously. “What are you doing?” he asks, suddenly fearful.
“Time to do what Duizhang always does,” Luhan says, shooting a dirty look at Yixing as he starts typing on his phone with ferocious speed. “Damage control.”
--
Sob, I tried? Comments & critique are welcomed!