numb skull
I am a walking pile of stress.... stress piled upon stress. I helped Danielle this weekend with her assignment, and did a bunch of other work on memory book pages and stuff... but totally spaced on the homework that I had to do. I really am not sure at all what I should do about it, I'm in that scary anxiety place where its impossible for me to do anything aside from feeling like the ever lovin shit and hope that my head doesn't explode and implode simultaneously. I can't even think of anything creative when I'm in this frame of mind, unless its really angsty and dark and a poem. They're usually just unconsious expressions of my anxiety anyways. This problem has been getting worse and worse, I'm not sleeping well and its affecting my health, I really need some order in my life, I need to get back into my room, and somewhat of a schedule, the thing is, I'm finding it very hard to do either of those things because I'm too damn tired. So I'll never get this stuff done unless I get some help, and no one is interested in helping me (Dad, Jen, so on....) So what do I do? Its important that I keep my grades up, but its also important that I don't get any worse from this anxiety, I'm thinking more and more about seeking outside help in the form of a pill, but am still skeptical as always about medication. Guh. Gotta love catch 22's. Irony is my life long companion, I can see it everywhere and its been slapping me in the face a lot recently, which is very frustrating, especially cause I'm too tired to fight back (heh irony in irony.) I dunno... I'm tired, too tired to get the work done, but too anxious to fall asleep, I have sleeping pills to put an end to this catch 22... but I still will have to deal with the anxiety when I wake up. Guh, just guh.