we cant have a mature relationship.
honestyl i dont like wirting in here, but sometimes i do, just to see how much has changed in like 3 months and its amazing how much does.
no one reads this maybe special but thats it.
so i dont normally bother but right now it seems like a good idea so here
i use to know this boy, and he was so amazing i was going to marry him, we were little and didnt know any better. plain and simple. we held on to tight and it went away. now i dont exist to him, and well i forgave him repeatedly trying to show him that i was okay with out him, and he insisted that i wasnt, because i had *changed* to much for him. well thats bullshit. i got over his change the least he could of done for me was the same. it was harder for me then him, the only reason why it was hard for him was because he didnt know what he wanted, and didnt know what to tell me and becasue i was a bitch to him and made sure he felt bad everyday for what he did to me. i wont lie i did it for a long time. but then i realized it just pushed him away and thats because i was selfish and i didnt understand why he left. now i just dont even care anymore, we dont talk and i think its better because we cant like eachother for who we are anymore. it just doesnt work maybe when he grows up from being an egotistical asshole ill give him my time of day again, but untill then i hope he has a nice time doing everything he said he wouldnt just like i am. :] fucking hypocrite. at least i admit to what i do.
thats what happens when u let someone run your life and you live for someone else, even though u dont think you are you are. because u did it for so long that u relate everything and everyone to them. i finally dont do that. and thank god because he is not worth my time, he was when i was little, and when he actually cared. but not anymore. it was just a waste of time on my part and i dont take it back because one day he will see that i was a good friend, and that it would of been just fine if he would of let me be there for him. but hes to selfish right now and thats alright, but i dont forgive him for that. i cant i wont let myself.
the day we stopped talking...
i tryed to throw all of our stuff away but i couldnt i just cryed incredably hard and didnt know whether i wanted to scream or laugh because i felt releaved or what, i had no idea i was going crazy. i hadnt cryed that hard since the begining of last summer, when me and that so called...ex boyfriend broek up. special was there for me i remember it perfectly, as well as everything else.
i know one thing is that, if it wasnt for him i wouldnt know what there are guys out there that can make u so happy to where you love everything about them. you always hear ppl say when u love someone they are perfect. and it doesnt matter how lame they look when they cry, or how funny their laugh is, u love it all, from head to toe, and i had that with him because i was little, and it was amazing. and i do sometimes wish i wouldnt have experianced it but then i realize i couldnt take it back. i was so happy and it just, idk. i miss the feelings, but i dont miss him. i just have to grow up to fast. it started fast and ended faster. isnt that amazing how things work out in the end.
it still hurts some days when i think about it, but i can handle it more now, its been a year since that day.
and i remember that day too.
it was the only time i knew he cared. he said he knew id find someone 10 times better which i agree now but i didnt then, and he said he was worried about me. but now i just think he feels i am a burden to him and it makes me sick to my stomach that he would ever think that about me. im done with this
always and forever was a poem i wrote abouthim, and i found it the day we stopped talking and it was just a redo of what i forgot he did for me. it sucked. it was too innocent, we didnt know any better. we were young, and in love. i like to think he didnt lie to me for a year of my life, but sometimes its hard for me to think otherwise. i just spent so much time and moments with him that i dont want to feel like i was lied to all that time. in my heart i know i wasnt but it just hurts.
the end.
i dont love you.
no one reads this maybe special but thats it.
so i dont normally bother but right now it seems like a good idea so here
i use to know this boy, and he was so amazing i was going to marry him, we were little and didnt know any better. plain and simple. we held on to tight and it went away. now i dont exist to him, and well i forgave him repeatedly trying to show him that i was okay with out him, and he insisted that i wasnt, because i had *changed* to much for him. well thats bullshit. i got over his change the least he could of done for me was the same. it was harder for me then him, the only reason why it was hard for him was because he didnt know what he wanted, and didnt know what to tell me and becasue i was a bitch to him and made sure he felt bad everyday for what he did to me. i wont lie i did it for a long time. but then i realized it just pushed him away and thats because i was selfish and i didnt understand why he left. now i just dont even care anymore, we dont talk and i think its better because we cant like eachother for who we are anymore. it just doesnt work maybe when he grows up from being an egotistical asshole ill give him my time of day again, but untill then i hope he has a nice time doing everything he said he wouldnt just like i am. :] fucking hypocrite. at least i admit to what i do.
thats what happens when u let someone run your life and you live for someone else, even though u dont think you are you are. because u did it for so long that u relate everything and everyone to them. i finally dont do that. and thank god because he is not worth my time, he was when i was little, and when he actually cared. but not anymore. it was just a waste of time on my part and i dont take it back because one day he will see that i was a good friend, and that it would of been just fine if he would of let me be there for him. but hes to selfish right now and thats alright, but i dont forgive him for that. i cant i wont let myself.
the day we stopped talking...
i tryed to throw all of our stuff away but i couldnt i just cryed incredably hard and didnt know whether i wanted to scream or laugh because i felt releaved or what, i had no idea i was going crazy. i hadnt cryed that hard since the begining of last summer, when me and that so called...ex boyfriend broek up. special was there for me i remember it perfectly, as well as everything else.
i know one thing is that, if it wasnt for him i wouldnt know what there are guys out there that can make u so happy to where you love everything about them. you always hear ppl say when u love someone they are perfect. and it doesnt matter how lame they look when they cry, or how funny their laugh is, u love it all, from head to toe, and i had that with him because i was little, and it was amazing. and i do sometimes wish i wouldnt have experianced it but then i realize i couldnt take it back. i was so happy and it just, idk. i miss the feelings, but i dont miss him. i just have to grow up to fast. it started fast and ended faster. isnt that amazing how things work out in the end.
it still hurts some days when i think about it, but i can handle it more now, its been a year since that day.
and i remember that day too.
it was the only time i knew he cared. he said he knew id find someone 10 times better which i agree now but i didnt then, and he said he was worried about me. but now i just think he feels i am a burden to him and it makes me sick to my stomach that he would ever think that about me. im done with this
always and forever was a poem i wrote abouthim, and i found it the day we stopped talking and it was just a redo of what i forgot he did for me. it sucked. it was too innocent, we didnt know any better. we were young, and in love. i like to think he didnt lie to me for a year of my life, but sometimes its hard for me to think otherwise. i just spent so much time and moments with him that i dont want to feel like i was lied to all that time. in my heart i know i wasnt but it just hurts.
the end.
i dont love you.