that quick - opposite feelings
man, I don't know. I'm pretty crazy. obviously crazy. I do stuff like this, move too fast. i know nothing about this guy in real life. its like he fell out of the sky from a parachute.
he sent me his linked in, but thats whats giving me second thoughts. his job now he has only had it for 4 months. then many jobs before that for a year and a half. or three years.
also he told me that he didn't tell me his full, real name in the cafe. to forgive him for that. he wasn't sure if we would have a connection or not and I seemed nervous. but he said he would tell me his full real name. it does make me feel weird.
now I have it, but is a linked in profile enough to have accountability for a person?
what are the dangers?
i know he doesn't want my money. i don't think he's a psychopath. maybe a sex addict? does he want to cut me up in pieces? what weird thing could be who he is? how would I know. I know nothing about him but just meeting him online.
and he feels great to me. I'm ready to jump into bed with him. BECAUSE I AM CRAZY.
I can not trust myself.
this is why I am in therapy.
I want to have the happy story. I believe in a happy story at the drop of a pin. OH YAY, now my life is great. I'll except having a married man for a lover (not ideal) but everything else WILL be ideal. I tell myself this.
I totally want a lover like that. I'm ok with the lover, sex-friend type arrangement. thats good for me. but I want it to be like that for real.
---
maybe theres no way to jump start these things. You do have to take time. move slowly. more slower. he said we can move slow. i'm the one wanting to jump his bones.
i guess there is no easy way. online dating is so scary. I am so scary. how can I ever trust myself? we all know I make bad decisions ... :(
I don't want someone to tell me he's a bad idea. I want him to be a great idea.
--
i'm just going to eat a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, and relax. and ask my coworker to search his police record tomorrow. she is good at doing searches on people.
--
Maybe I shouldn't turn down the date with the short russian Walgreen assistant manager? who is cute but doesn't type very bright. and who never had apple pancakes before. but we have been flirting and he asked me out too, for coffee.
and he lives closer, isn't married.
I was all into having a smart guy. my chemistry feeling probably means he is a terrible person, my hormones direct me to such individuals.
feeling very sad.
he sent me his linked in, but thats whats giving me second thoughts. his job now he has only had it for 4 months. then many jobs before that for a year and a half. or three years.
also he told me that he didn't tell me his full, real name in the cafe. to forgive him for that. he wasn't sure if we would have a connection or not and I seemed nervous. but he said he would tell me his full real name. it does make me feel weird.
now I have it, but is a linked in profile enough to have accountability for a person?
what are the dangers?
i know he doesn't want my money. i don't think he's a psychopath. maybe a sex addict? does he want to cut me up in pieces? what weird thing could be who he is? how would I know. I know nothing about him but just meeting him online.
and he feels great to me. I'm ready to jump into bed with him. BECAUSE I AM CRAZY.
I can not trust myself.
this is why I am in therapy.
I want to have the happy story. I believe in a happy story at the drop of a pin. OH YAY, now my life is great. I'll except having a married man for a lover (not ideal) but everything else WILL be ideal. I tell myself this.
I totally want a lover like that. I'm ok with the lover, sex-friend type arrangement. thats good for me. but I want it to be like that for real.
---
maybe theres no way to jump start these things. You do have to take time. move slowly. more slower. he said we can move slow. i'm the one wanting to jump his bones.
i guess there is no easy way. online dating is so scary. I am so scary. how can I ever trust myself? we all know I make bad decisions ... :(
I don't want someone to tell me he's a bad idea. I want him to be a great idea.
--
i'm just going to eat a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, and relax. and ask my coworker to search his police record tomorrow. she is good at doing searches on people.
--
Maybe I shouldn't turn down the date with the short russian Walgreen assistant manager? who is cute but doesn't type very bright. and who never had apple pancakes before. but we have been flirting and he asked me out too, for coffee.
and he lives closer, isn't married.
I was all into having a smart guy. my chemistry feeling probably means he is a terrible person, my hormones direct me to such individuals.
feeling very sad.