Seeing as...
Seeing as this is truly the first time I've had a completely level head in, oh, months I'd say, I figured I could use a decent brain drain to sort out what is inevitably my life.
It's awkwardly humorous how events often don't pan out as you'd planned from one minute, day, week, month, year, to the next. For instance, while driving down Federal Hwy headed home merely a matter of minutes ago, I mentally paused to consider former mentions of "Fort Lauderdale for Spring Break" amongst my roomies and me, and, at the time, one of their boyfriends. Fast foward five or six months and suddenly not only is that boyfriend out of the picture, but the relationship between us stands as such that the three of them are off somewhere as I sit here, in Fort Lauderdale, but not, "IN FORT LAUDERDALE!!!!"
I feel as if I owe 517 an apology. I just realize that all of the stupid little shit along the way that I couldn't be bothered with before has led to this invisible separation between them 3 and me. Naturally, the fact that I won't be rooming with any of them next year deeply hurt and confused me, and, in my opinion, firmly formed a strain that can't be repaired. Nevertheless, I place the majority of the blame on my choices; stupid, because I knew what would happen; so stupid.
But now that I've got that angst released, I'd like to approach the anxiety I've been feeling over whether I got that Peer Ambassador job or not. I'm feeling I did not. I'm wishing of course that this feeling is grossly incorrect.
Really, I just feel that as much as "college is the best four (or more) years of your life," it's such a social difference from childhood. Moving into completely unwelcoming dorm living quarters, meeting completely new people, loving completely being able to see old friends every so often, and hearing completely about how certain friends and/or acquaintances are "doing." (with "doing," in this sense, being used to loosely imply "coping")
At the age of 18 and still being in a relatively strict school environment, I can truly state, "no, I am not an adult." Yet, sometimes life forces upon us to deal with innately adult problems. We've all known it--the friend in counseling, the friend in rehab, the friend with a family of his/her own already, the multiple friends barely affording what they need to live a healthy life. Most of what happens now will stick with us for the rest of our life in some form. We just keep hoping that a better future lies around that corner. Around that Boulevard of Broken Dreams...
It's awkwardly humorous how events often don't pan out as you'd planned from one minute, day, week, month, year, to the next. For instance, while driving down Federal Hwy headed home merely a matter of minutes ago, I mentally paused to consider former mentions of "Fort Lauderdale for Spring Break" amongst my roomies and me, and, at the time, one of their boyfriends. Fast foward five or six months and suddenly not only is that boyfriend out of the picture, but the relationship between us stands as such that the three of them are off somewhere as I sit here, in Fort Lauderdale, but not, "IN FORT LAUDERDALE!!!!"
I feel as if I owe 517 an apology. I just realize that all of the stupid little shit along the way that I couldn't be bothered with before has led to this invisible separation between them 3 and me. Naturally, the fact that I won't be rooming with any of them next year deeply hurt and confused me, and, in my opinion, firmly formed a strain that can't be repaired. Nevertheless, I place the majority of the blame on my choices; stupid, because I knew what would happen; so stupid.
But now that I've got that angst released, I'd like to approach the anxiety I've been feeling over whether I got that Peer Ambassador job or not. I'm feeling I did not. I'm wishing of course that this feeling is grossly incorrect.
Really, I just feel that as much as "college is the best four (or more) years of your life," it's such a social difference from childhood. Moving into completely unwelcoming dorm living quarters, meeting completely new people, loving completely being able to see old friends every so often, and hearing completely about how certain friends and/or acquaintances are "doing." (with "doing," in this sense, being used to loosely imply "coping")
At the age of 18 and still being in a relatively strict school environment, I can truly state, "no, I am not an adult." Yet, sometimes life forces upon us to deal with innately adult problems. We've all known it--the friend in counseling, the friend in rehab, the friend with a family of his/her own already, the multiple friends barely affording what they need to live a healthy life. Most of what happens now will stick with us for the rest of our life in some form. We just keep hoping that a better future lies around that corner. Around that Boulevard of Broken Dreams...