(no subject)
Lately, I've felt awkward. I'm not sure if it's a side effect of Tuesday's breakdown, but I'm not really the person I want to be. I've been unintentionally mean and cynical, and I'm not really so happy with myself. My number one concern is that I'm regressing to the Heidi of junior year. The Heidi that may have seemed OK on the outside, but inside was constantly depressed and downtrodden. As a senior, I have definitely developed a sense of "nothing truly matters," but at the same time with APs coming up in a few weeks, I am feeling I should be kicking myself in the ass, because in the end it will be worth it. I just wonder sometimes if the ends will justify the means. I know regarding the situation of AP credit and scores it does, but what about the job position I will someday hold? Will it really matter in ten years that I was valedictorian of my high school and took 7 AP courses throughout my high school career? Whatever the outcome, having taken the classes does make me a better person--that much more educated and challenged.