What is this that I feel?
I am not happy with myself. The closer the end of senior year becomes for me, the more detached and lost I feel from those surrounding me. Unproductivity and unfinishedness reek from within. It haunts like a putrid stink, defiling the air around me and the thoughts thoroughly churning my mind. How difficult is it to secure a prom date? And, more importantly, why do I care? or why does it matter? I believe silence and inaction kills--both the living and the dead. I live my life from day to day, but somehow I feel I am living for the sake of living and not much more. And then I get the idea in my mind of how horrible it is to be sustaining such premonitions; how awful it would be to have to deal with such issues as I am struggling with at the moment just before I go off to school. Thing is, I'm not really sad this time. No, just upset with myself. Maybe I will find my calling, maybe my calling will find me, but as for the present right here, right now--I merely hear silence. Dead, deafening silence. And it is terrifying.