Like woah
SO where to start where to start..
I'm over it, finally. 3 days and I'm better. How un-human of me.
Thursday night he calls me, and our conversation starts off innocent enough.
He invited me to this family thing on Saturday night, to meet the band better, and meet everyone. I said sure why not, but beware they'll finally get to see his dorky, not too Hispanic girlfriend. He laughs.
About an hour in, he asks me if I love him. I stop, i think 'I've only known this guy a month and a half, saying yes is desperate, saying no is bitchy, and in actuality I have no idea how I feel about him. Somedays I love him, other days I want to punch him in the face so I choose the safe route and say,
"I'm getting there."
He tells me pride can only hurt a relationship, I say it's not pride, and he tells me yes it is. (He knows me better then I know myself)
About 5 minutes later, hes calling it quits. He starts an enlongated explanation, but it just gets stupidier and stupidier, so I tell I don't want to hear it and hang up.
I start crying like a baby. (There is a very very big reason for this that I will not put down as evidence, so *mystery*)
Call Ashly, Luke answers, I beg to talk to Ashly. I do, she helps.
I call Samantha, I love this girl, she is the reason I quit crying, she's my hero. I hope I can return the favor. I call Ashly again and she tells me Luke wants me to call him, so I do.
I now owe Luke a shoulder to cry on someday, he helped ALOT. His voice was so soothing. We made imaginary plans for Amsterdam, and decide that my ex no longer has a name, he has been designated jerkhole. Sounds fitting.
His phone gives out, I go to sleep, I wake up with a pain so deep inside me that I feel I'm going to die. In a retarded last ditch attempt to salvage the ralationship, and pretend the night before didn't happen I call him and leave a message. Stupid girl. I drown my pain in something I had promised myself I would never do again, my stomach still reels in pain.
Weekends a blur, Im better now.
Evertime I started to feel sad today I would look at a Hispanic couple, then I would think to myself, "I would hate myself forever if I had become that."
Let me explain. He was Hispanic, and I thought he was different then the stereotype until he told me I wasn't the typical hispanic girl, and he wanted a hispanic girl, he wanted me to be that hispanic girl. Cooking, cleaning, future babies, no job for me. I'm 17! Not for me. But I liked him so much, had I stayed in the relationship I would have changed. I would have embraced my last name. SAd but true. Dodged a bullet, my mom said. Thank you mom.
I'm better now, I've moved on. And the way I look at that aspect that made me so utterly depressed is at least I got it out of the way.
I'm better then moping about.
Pride can hurt a relationship, huh?
I'm over it, finally. 3 days and I'm better. How un-human of me.
Thursday night he calls me, and our conversation starts off innocent enough.
He invited me to this family thing on Saturday night, to meet the band better, and meet everyone. I said sure why not, but beware they'll finally get to see his dorky, not too Hispanic girlfriend. He laughs.
About an hour in, he asks me if I love him. I stop, i think 'I've only known this guy a month and a half, saying yes is desperate, saying no is bitchy, and in actuality I have no idea how I feel about him. Somedays I love him, other days I want to punch him in the face so I choose the safe route and say,
"I'm getting there."
He tells me pride can only hurt a relationship, I say it's not pride, and he tells me yes it is. (He knows me better then I know myself)
About 5 minutes later, hes calling it quits. He starts an enlongated explanation, but it just gets stupidier and stupidier, so I tell I don't want to hear it and hang up.
I start crying like a baby. (There is a very very big reason for this that I will not put down as evidence, so *mystery*)
Call Ashly, Luke answers, I beg to talk to Ashly. I do, she helps.
I call Samantha, I love this girl, she is the reason I quit crying, she's my hero. I hope I can return the favor. I call Ashly again and she tells me Luke wants me to call him, so I do.
I now owe Luke a shoulder to cry on someday, he helped ALOT. His voice was so soothing. We made imaginary plans for Amsterdam, and decide that my ex no longer has a name, he has been designated jerkhole. Sounds fitting.
His phone gives out, I go to sleep, I wake up with a pain so deep inside me that I feel I'm going to die. In a retarded last ditch attempt to salvage the ralationship, and pretend the night before didn't happen I call him and leave a message. Stupid girl. I drown my pain in something I had promised myself I would never do again, my stomach still reels in pain.
Weekends a blur, Im better now.
Evertime I started to feel sad today I would look at a Hispanic couple, then I would think to myself, "I would hate myself forever if I had become that."
Let me explain. He was Hispanic, and I thought he was different then the stereotype until he told me I wasn't the typical hispanic girl, and he wanted a hispanic girl, he wanted me to be that hispanic girl. Cooking, cleaning, future babies, no job for me. I'm 17! Not for me. But I liked him so much, had I stayed in the relationship I would have changed. I would have embraced my last name. SAd but true. Dodged a bullet, my mom said. Thank you mom.
I'm better now, I've moved on. And the way I look at that aspect that made me so utterly depressed is at least I got it out of the way.
I'm better then moping about.
Pride can hurt a relationship, huh?