(no subject)
Last night I came to the realization that I rely too much on others for my happiness. I realized that instead of going to find what makes me happy I entrust my happiness to people who don't seem to care if I'm truly happy or not. Kenny and I had this great talk and it made me realize that instead of waiting for something good to happen I need to be in control to make something good happen. If it is with the people I want it to be with or not I have to be happy with the relationships I have...superficial or not. I am probably making no sense because I am not being very specific but it feels good to just vent the frustration of feeling bad.
On a lighter note...I went to the doctor today. I have a clean bill of health...this doesn't explain the dizziness but I am definitely feeling better than I was. I am going back to work on Monday (tears running down my cheeks) but I am supposed to hear from Caribou by Tuesday. If I get the job at the bou I will be quitting the wretchid school and going back to Pierce where there are actually consequences for the actions of students. Anyway I am thankful to have a job but I am scared that it is what made me sick. In fact I am pretty sure of it. I am just praying that things work out so I can be in a happier enviornment.
Tomorrow Kenny and I are meeting the fam at nine am at Grandma's. If you can't hear the excitement in my voice its because there really isn't any. I am kind of feeling resentful because she just flat out doesn't want to see us until holidays or whatever. Nannie wanted us to come over everychance we got. I'm not saying Gram wouldn't welcome us if we stopped by but who stopps by in Grosse Pointe? I guess I shouldn't compare the two but it is really hard! Anyway I think tomorrow should be interesting. I am planning on going and putting on a happy face because I know my mom is not excited about going and that my sister is totally resenting the fact that we have to go. She doesn't think grandma will take her on a trip like she took me. If she doesn't that is totally shady and Emily probably won't ever be close to her...not that any of us are...
ANYWAY...I am just praying for guidence and a good day and Grandma's tomorrow...for some reason I am overwhelmed simply by the thought of going back to work. I pray I can leave before something really bad happens there. I heard that my ENTIRE sixth hour got suspended. I think it is absurd because they didn;t even suspend a kid when he punched a girl in the face...in class, or when another kid brought a knife to school...it's just not safe.
Beesley...Out
On a lighter note...I went to the doctor today. I have a clean bill of health...this doesn't explain the dizziness but I am definitely feeling better than I was. I am going back to work on Monday (tears running down my cheeks) but I am supposed to hear from Caribou by Tuesday. If I get the job at the bou I will be quitting the wretchid school and going back to Pierce where there are actually consequences for the actions of students. Anyway I am thankful to have a job but I am scared that it is what made me sick. In fact I am pretty sure of it. I am just praying that things work out so I can be in a happier enviornment.
Tomorrow Kenny and I are meeting the fam at nine am at Grandma's. If you can't hear the excitement in my voice its because there really isn't any. I am kind of feeling resentful because she just flat out doesn't want to see us until holidays or whatever. Nannie wanted us to come over everychance we got. I'm not saying Gram wouldn't welcome us if we stopped by but who stopps by in Grosse Pointe? I guess I shouldn't compare the two but it is really hard! Anyway I think tomorrow should be interesting. I am planning on going and putting on a happy face because I know my mom is not excited about going and that my sister is totally resenting the fact that we have to go. She doesn't think grandma will take her on a trip like she took me. If she doesn't that is totally shady and Emily probably won't ever be close to her...not that any of us are...
ANYWAY...I am just praying for guidence and a good day and Grandma's tomorrow...for some reason I am overwhelmed simply by the thought of going back to work. I pray I can leave before something really bad happens there. I heard that my ENTIRE sixth hour got suspended. I think it is absurd because they didn;t even suspend a kid when he punched a girl in the face...in class, or when another kid brought a knife to school...it's just not safe.
Beesley...Out