I'm So Delirius Right Now, Eddie Murphy Won't Even Call Me.
It's 9:34am.
First glance, do you see someone who slept last night?
You're obviously not looking at me. At least not directly. Maybe i'm in the corner of your eye, beamin' about like a wasp on steroids.
Last night had the potential to be a complete bomb-diggit-tor.
Somehow it ended up pissing me off beyond belief.
I was totally hung-go on gettin' down with the old grandin squad (and kelly... from like... everskies ago) and of course, he who shall remain nameless (although i'm sure it's pretty easy to put a name to the GRR) managed to ruin it.
I honestly thought he & I could end up being on good terms again. I apologized, I tried to put the whole dramatic non-sensical situation in the past but every single issue that caused me to up and revolt (see Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta RE: Why You So Pissed, Girl?) presented itself again.
He treats people like things, and he acts like a third grader. He hurts my feelings over and over by making half assed jokes, and then laughing with everyone while I sit there uncomfortable. He doesn't do it to Ashlee, or Kelly or Jess or Mia. Just me.
And then he tells me that I try to make him feel like i'm better than him.
I DON'T THINK THAT!
Fuck!!!!
I actually go through the motions to AVOID putting forth that message 'cause people always used to tell me that I'm an ass in that way. I tried being so nice, and hanging out and it was fun! But any time he feels threatened he gets on the defensive, and so do I and then there's all this angriness up in the air and it gets all fucktarded.
I had a lengthy convo with Mia last night and she helped clear out my mind, which was a relief 'cause that brain-age was cluttered and ya'll know I put my thoughts away all willy nilly and any time somebody comes and opens that closet door it comes a smashin' a smashin' a smashin' down.
The worst was the (forementioned) grade three situation in which I knocked on the bathroom door 'cause i'm bored & 'cause I hear him and people laughing and he goes 'if you don't know the password you can't come in!!!!' and i'm like 'okay...' so the door was open later (after a cigarette or two) and I heard he & Mia singing 'hallelujah' and I walked in and he goes 'um can you get out we're having a serious conversation' and i'm like 'are you joking?' and he says 'no, now get out. vamoosh. shoo' and I was all... fuck this noise.
So I went outside, smoked. got air.
And then slid my booties on and left shortly after.
Of course Ashlee seemed hurt, which really bothered me 'cause I love her to little kibbles and bits and bits and bits, but she doesn't get it. He does this to everyone. He alienates and then wonders why he's alone on a saturday night. It'll happen to her, it happened to me and I'm sick of it.
Oh. And then I called David & put him on speakerphone 'cause I told him i'd call him drunk (for amusement, OBVIES. i'm HILARS when i'm drunk!) and Lincoln goes 'who is that? omigod' and i said 'david' and he says 'david who? who's david?' and I tell him (of course) the nexopia name & he grabs the phone away from me and runs. And I'm like 'uh. Okay' and then Mia got her talk on and then Kelly and all that jazz and I was like 'lol @ the drunken kids @ ashlee's house' but Lincoln kept TAKING (not asking, GRABBING) my phone from me while I was talking. I fuckin' hate when people grab shit. It's not like I care if he talks on my phone, he calls people on it all the time (and often gets me in shit with them because of it, but whatevs).
And then he's MAD 'cause i'm talking to HIS FRIENDS?!? I didn't know nexopia constituted ownership over who and who I cannot be friends with.
I'm like WHAT?
The.
Fuck.
Personally.
I'm so enraged right now, I could eat toast.
So I might
There could be an egg on it.
Or not, I think the thought of eggs just made me throw up a little.
Mikey