Twenty Random Facts About Noah Puckerman
Twenty Random Facts About Everybody's Favorite Douchebag
by une_fille & unequivocally
Yes, we really were this bored...
1. He hates clowns. Like, alot. His mom hired a clown for his 7th birthday, and though all that makeup and the big hair were kinda creepy, he took it in stride. But when he walked into the kitchen and found the clown at 2nd base with his mother, things just haven't been the same.
2. He tried out for QB 1 when they started JV. Coach T told him that his arm was fine, but he lacked the discipline and leadership to be captain of the team. They offered him second-string quarterback, but there was no way he was going to accept it. Whatever, now there's less shit on his back and he gets to hit more people. He doesn't actually care.
3. He started dipping in freshman year when some seniors in the back of the bus offered it to him. It tasted like ass and he nearly threw up in his mouth, but when James Pearson clapped him on the back and told him he was a man, it kinda didn't matter.
4. He thinks having sex with Quinn Fabray is the best/worst decision he's ever made
5. His sister is allergic to mushrooms so he always eats hers, even though he can't fucking stand them. The first time he goes out with Rachel Berry, he picks the mushrooms off her plate without thinking. After giving him a weird look that makes him tense up, she eats his tomatoes without a word and smiles.
6. He kinda always wanted a little girl.
7. He writes his father a birthday card every year. At first, they would say shit like "please come home" but now he just scribbles "I fucking hate you" before mailing it and waits for it to come back so he can put it in his return-to-sender shoebox.
8. Every year for his mother's birthday, he bakes her a cake. He's become proficient at Red Velvet. (Still can't get a handle on marble, though)
9. He gets a tattoo of the word REBEL behind his right shoulder on a drunken dare. His mother cries and tells him he'll live to regret it. He already does. He feels likes a fucking dumbass with that thing (although, Finn is insanely proud of his.)
10. He was Finn Hudson's first kiss. And no power on this Earth will ever get the story of that day out of either of them.
11. The night he has sex with Quinn, she doesn't get off, but he tells himself it's because it's her first time. When he goes to fix the problem, she accidentally calls him Finn. And that's the end of that.
12. He shaved his head into a mohawk late one night after a blow-out fight with his mom. He hated it immediately but he looked forward to the look on her face when she saw it the next morning. When she walked into the kitchen during breakfast and burst into laughter, he had a feeling that it didn't have the desired affect. (he keeps shaving it, cause she deserves to smile)
13. The romantic in him likes to think that he's responsible for Santana and Brittany getting together, although that in no way makes up for getting gypped that night during the ski trip and being boxed out by two horny cheerleaders
14. His little sister comes into his room some nights after a nightmare. He can never bring himself to turn her away, but he's old enough that he feels fucking weird sleeping in the same bed with her. So he lets her get into his bed and he curls up at her feet over the covers, using his Letterman jacket as a blanket.
15. He has a deep suspicion that Mr. Vargas down the street might be the reason his dad left. He vandalizes his house more than any other.
16. Apparently he talks in his sleep. He never knew. Rachel is the one to finally tell him.
17. He enjoys football over glee club. Seriously.
18. His first time was when he was 14. Her name was Mary. He thought that it made her his girlfriend. It didn't.
19. When he was 13, he was dared to put all the powder from the bottom of a Sour Skittles bag in his mouth. It burned his tongue. For a week, all he could drink were cold slushies. Since then, he hates sour shit... but loves slushies.
20. His 17th birthday is 3 months away and he still plays "The Floor is Made of Lava." Sometimes his sister is there, and sometimes she isn't.